Problem with a friend

[moie]

Hello

 

I am a guy and I need some kind advice if you can.

 

There is this girl at work that we kind of have been friends for a while. We have gotten a little closer in the last few months. I don't think our relationship is getting romantic or anything. I may have said something recently that caused her to get mad at me. She is accusing me of playing games, which I am unfortunately guilty of. Still not sure what exactly I did caused her to do that.

 

She is an introverted person so it's hard to read her sometimes. She stopped talking to me today and walked away.

 

I need advice on how to make up with her. She invited me to this function a few days, now that she isnt talking to me, I probably wont be going either. I need a way to approach this situation. We text each other more than we talk in person, so is this the way I should approach someone like her? What should I do?

Edited September 20, 2014 by moie

[CC12]

You could try asking her what you did to upset her, and then apologize for it.

[moie]

Would that would though, she doesn't seem to be talking to me now. What should my opening line be? That I do sent mixed signals sometimes and I will stop.

 

Honestly

I will do whatever you guys advise, my main problem is to get her to open up. She has a habit of saying oh I am not mad or oh that doesn't bother me. If i hit that wall then I am screwed. I have to say the right words during my next encounter or else it's going to get bad

Edited September 20, 2014 by moie

[noski]

It's just who she is .Sometimes people are so introverted and there is nothing you can do about it .It takes time to get used to it.

However ,I think you should express what you feel.Deep inside you know it .You should just be honest and ask her why is she behaving,ask her If she is upset about something ,If you did anything.If you get the "nothing" ,you could just telll her that her behaviour says otherwise and that you would like things to go back the way they were.

 

Just ask her or maybe tell her in person.You can't read her reaction through text messaging I guess.

[ja123]

You could try asking her what you did to upset her, and then apologize for it.

 

 

 

This. ^^^

 

 

And also give her some space and stop annoying her.

[moie]

ok off I go, wish me luck

 

Ok so far silence........ I admitted that I did something wrong. The wait is just going to eat me up.

 

Update:

 

So 4 hours later, she replied. She accepted my apology says she does not like what I did, says she is going to be busy for a while and said good night. I guess I wont be going to the thing she is going tomorrow, didnt want to ask.

 

Please give me your assessment and advisement for future interactions, or just give her space, be more distant from now on.

Edited September 21, 2014 by moie

[noski]

ok off I go, wish me luck

 

Ok so far silence........ I admitted that I did something wrong. The wait is just going to eat me up.

 

Update:

 

So 4 hours later, she replied. She accepted my apology says she does not like what I did, says she is going to be busy for a while and said good night. I guess I wont be going to the thing she is going tomorrow, didnt want to ask.

 

Please give me your assessment and advisement for future interactions, or just give her space, be more distant from now on.

 

I don't understand.What did you do wrong?

 

Anyway give friendship space.Let it breathe ...The thing she is going tomorrow,were you supposed to go just for her ?Other friends of yours there?If so you could still go and not be glued to her.

 

Try talking hanging with other friends and for the time being ,give her space (she said she is going to be busy).No one is that busy to check on you.I learned from a friend who "ignored me" (still don't know).Anyway don't get stressed about this.

 

I mean honestly,do you like her or just as a friend ?I would not be surprised If you developed feelings for her

[moie]

Hey Noski

 

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I have been accused of playing mind games, which she hates. Probably put up with me for a long time now. Anyways, the thing she invited me to is just a private thing she goes, no one else we know goes. I have never been there with her, so just going to sit this one out this time.

 

Now about giving her space, I feel this might be the optimal course action at this point. I tried to pry her open a few times, sometimes successful sometimes not so. Going to try a different method from now on. I just need to keep my eyes and notice all the signs.

 

Now about what you said at end, hmmm this is difficult, perhaps I have some feelings for her, but it is difficult to explore this in our work environment, which frowns upon these things. I think it might be complicated if I push things down that road. She will be at this job for another year and half, so there is still time hopefully....

 

Lastly, I have a follow up question. Maybe I am paranoid, even though she's told me that I am one of her very important friends, it feels like sometimes she spends more time with other people than with me. I am a little puzzled over whether there is some deeper meaning to this or just me seeing things. I obviously cant say this to her or it will just be weird. Any help if appreciative.

[mrspaceman]

Give her space, she said she is busy, respect the space.

 

As much as you would like to, do not go to the event just to meet her if things are a bit rocky at this point, will only make things worse.

 

If she likes you, she will miss you at the event and wonder where you are. She may even ask one of your friends where you are, which could be a good way to gauge her interest.

 

Give her time. Introverted or not, if she likes you, she will reach out to you. She was forward enough to invite you the event.

 

Cut down the chatting online as this will give you far less to talk about in person and more importantly far less reason to meet in person.

[moie]

Give her space, she said she is busy, respect the space.

 

As much as you would like to, do not go to the event just to meet her if things are a bit rocky at this point, will only make things worse.

 

If she likes you, she will miss you at the event and wonder where you are. She may even ask one of your friends where you are, which could be a good way to gauge her interest.

 

Give her time. Introverted or not, if she likes you, she will reach out to you. She was forward enough to invite you the event.

 

Cut down the chatting online as this will give you far less to talk about in person and more importantly far less reason to meet in person.

 

Thank you mrspaceman, I agree with everything you have said. There is a lot of wisdom in your words. So now I am debating whether I should avoid her in real life or not. The problem is that she is not very open in real life, but pours everything out in texts. What do I say the next time I see her at work, just say hi? how is your day, doing good? and then pass by? should I even mention anything else at all. We have these conferences and meetings, do I sit next to her or far away at least she can see me? Act casual and play it cool? pretend nothing happened, or act like I feel bad? Maybe wait a week or two and then slowly approach her?

 

What should be the topic of our conversation be? if there is going to be any?

Edited September 21, 2014 by moie

[mrspaceman]

Thank you mrspaceman, I agree with everything you have said. There is a lot of wisdom in your words. So now I am debating whether I should avoid her in real life or not. The problem is that she is not very open in real life, but pours everything out in texts. What do I say the next time I see her at work, just say hi? how is your day, doing good? and then pass by? should I even mention anything else at all. We have these conferences and meetings, do I sit next to her or far away at least she can see me? Act casual and play it cool? pretend nothing happened, or act like I feel bad? Maybe wait a week or two and then slowly approach her?

 

What should be the topic of our conversation be? if there is going to be any?

I think in this situation, since you work together, you do not need to avoid or ignore her as you will inevitably see one another.

 

This is what I would do, acknowledge her, say hello, ask her how she is, but keep these interactions really short and brief, do not linger around too long.

 

Do not sit next to her, be a bit distant, women are far more attracted to you if you are a bit more unclear about how you feel.

 

Do not feel bad, we all make mistakes, just forget about it. All you will be doing otherwise is highlighting the mistake and a guy who kicks himself is anything but attractive.

 

Give her time, I went through a similar situation and believe me, patience pays off. Besides the short brief interactions, do not approach her, let her approach you, she will only do this when she feels comfortable with you. As you ask her how she is, over time she may propose meeting as she already has once. When she does this, set up a definite time and date to meet. Tell her you are looking forward and after that flee the scene until you meet for the date, do not linger around or chat online some more. If she messages you, you should only be chatting about the meeting and nothing else.

 

When you actually go on a date, this is not the time for small talk, this is the time for bigger topics. Initiate the conversation, talk about what both your aspirations, desires are and what you want out of life, make sure to listen to her and do no be afraid to challenge her if you do not agree on a topic, just do not insult her personally. Make her feel comfortable, just do not be fake, women see right through that. Lastly, do not worry about trying to impress her too much, just have fun together, you will both have a far better time. It is after all a date and the time to explore if you really are compatible together or not.

 

Good luck!

[moie]

I think in this situation, since you work together, you do not need to avoid or ignore her as you will inevitably see one another.

 

This is what I would do, acknowledge her, say hello, ask her how she is, but keep these interactions really short and brief, do not linger around too long.

 

Do not sit next to her, be a bit distant, women are far more attracted to you if you are a bit more unclear about how you feel.

 

Do not feel bad, we all make mistakes, just forget about it. All you will be doing otherwise is highlighting the mistake and a guy who kicks himself is anything but attractive.

 

Give her time, I went through a similar situation and believe me, patience pays off. Besides the short brief interactions, do not approach her, let her approach you, she will only do this when she feels comfortable with you. As you ask her how she is, over time she may propose meeting as she already has once. When she does this, set up a definite time and date to meet. Tell her you are looking forward and after that flee the scene until you meet for the date, do not linger around or chat online some more. If she messages you, you should only be chatting about the meeting and nothing else.

 

When you actually go on a date, this is not the time for small talk, this is the time for bigger topics. Initiate the conversation, talk about what both your aspirations, desires are and what you want out of life, make sure to listen to her and do no be afraid to challenge her if you do not agree on a topic, just do not insult her personally. Make her feel comfortable, just do not be fake, women see right through that. Lastly, do not worry about trying to impress her too much, just have fun together, you will both have a far better time. It is after all a date and the time to explore if you really are compatible together or not.

 

Good luck!

 

This is a lot of stuff, but very high yield, I will try to do as you suggest. Thank you again, I feel a little better now.

[moie]

So this is an update. I managed to talk to my friend. She still seems a little cold towards me though seems to be more talkative with other people. Maybe it's all in my head. I would say she and I are back to baseline when we first met. Seems all the progress I made before have gone down the river.

 

So here is my purpose for opening this thread. I would like be to much closer to this friend of mine, maybe even another forum kind of close. She is studying hard for this exam in two months so I can't disturb her too much currently. I would like recommendations for a plan within these two months.

[dispatch3d]

To me her behaviour is ridiculous and childish and I wouldn't want to hang out with her that much. I would just be friendly and see if she ever grows up and behaves like an adult around me (none of this accusing me of playing games, while at the same time telling me I did "something wrong" yet not telling me what that something is).

 

So yeah, I don't know what to tell you really.