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++Friends lost to life. Alone now.


Beachead

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Simple question,

 

I know people show love and care in different ways but generally,

if you care about someone, wouldn't you want to see them?

 

I've found most of my weekends are now spent either by myself or with people I'm not very close to. Strange really, considering some of these people who have disclosed how much they care about me, are never really around for any developments in my life except it's online communication or a text.

 

Best friend number 1 stopped going out due to financial troubles and other problems. Best Friend 2 is busy either with his gf, his in laws, fam, or work. I known both these guys for 20+ years and for atleast a good 20 of them, we were very close and now I barely ever seen them anymore. Some other friends text and talk online and ask me how I've been doing but unless it involves certain conditions, they never hang out.

 

I tried talking it out with them. Felt like maybe I was being clingy or unreasonable but now I feel otherwise. I get life's busy but I wish they would put their life aside once in awhile and give me some actual human interaction.

 

Been actually considering dumping my social life and moving on.

 

I guess I just wanted to vent to somebody.

 

-Beachead

Edited by Beachead
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There are way too many people fulfilling their friend obligations through texting lately. It's really bad because just hearing someone say "how are you" isn't the same as getting to sit down and have lunch or go do something fun. I get that everyone gets bogged down with family and work, but real friends either make some time for friends or they lose them. It's unrealistic to expect regular contact from adult friends I think because we all have busy lives just surviving, but friends should make a plan and at least state their intentions as to how often they can get together. My married friend with kids, who it had gotten to where I never see her even though she lives nearby, like going months, finally suggested once-a-month dinner or lunch. We drop that once in awhile, but at least it's a plan and you know they care.

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There are way too many people fulfilling their friend obligations through texting lately. It's really bad because just hearing someone say "how are you" isn't the same as getting to sit down and have lunch or go do something fun. I get that everyone gets bogged down with family and work, but real friends either make some time for friends or they lose them. It's unrealistic to expect regular contact from adult friends I think because we all have busy lives just surviving, but friends should make a plan and at least state their intentions as to how often they can get together. My married friend with kids, who it had gotten to where I never see her even though she lives nearby, like going months, finally suggested once-a-month dinner or lunch. We drop that once in awhile, but at least it's a plan and you know they care.

 

It isn't the same. Atleast you're on my side with that. Thank you.

 

- Beachead

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Preraph- The once a month meet up is a great idea! 3 of my girlfriends and I have that same arrangement, once a month we all go to watch a band or hang at one of our houses (usually my single mate's place as there's no men there!!) It's awesome we have a meal and loads of laughs.

 

Beachead- What vibes are you giving your friends? I have one girlfriend who is always complaining that noone goes to see her or cares about her, but comparing notes with mutual friends, it's clearly not the case. She refuses to answer her landline, refuses to return phonecall's/reply to voicemail. When you do go to her house, she's always "busy" "about to go out" or inconvenienced that you've turned up. Most people are getting sick of her behaviour.

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I am going through it too. Here is another ? What about your other friends? What's so great about these guys?

 

In my life I am not forcing anyone to hang out with me. It feels liberating. Some people grow apart. Some stay together. I have friends that I talk to ona regular basis. Even the attached ones. I don't understand why some people r hard to keep in touch with.

 

For me three friends r computer guys. I don't know if that's why, I don't see them as thier Joni's absorbing. It's not like there Is this major shift that I see. The most I would want to hang out is 1-2 times a month with my friends in the city with one of them being a20 min phone call.

 

As we get older in my view. We don't want to waste our time. If I had to cut some friends,some would be surprised that they were cut.

 

I say 7 to 10 friends is good enough. Anything above that u move into acquaintance mode. Looking at my phone. I have about 13 friends that call me within a 1-2 month span. The others don't make that much of an effort. Sometimes we just have to fill in the gaps with hobbies.

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Preraph- The once a month meet up is a great idea! 3 of my girlfriends and I have that same arrangement, once a month we all go to watch a band or hang at one of our houses (usually my single mate's place as there's no men there!!) It's awesome we have a meal and loads of laughs.

 

Beachead- What vibes are you giving your friends? I have one girlfriend who is always complaining that noone goes to see her or cares about her, but comparing notes with mutual friends, it's clearly not the case. She refuses to answer her landline, refuses to return phonecall's/reply to voicemail. When you do go to her house, she's always "busy" "about to go out" or inconvenienced that you've turned up. Most people are getting sick of her behaviour.

 

Been trying to figure out how to answer that question for a week now and honestly I'm not entirely sure how my friends see me anymore.

 

I've noticed a lot of people describe me as easy to talk to, social, funny and fun to be around which is nice to hear. But, those who know me a lot better know that I've had a rough past and because of that, I'm sensitive and a soft person. Especially when it comes to people. I'm usually the guy who plans soccer on summer weekends, ski trips in the winter and the occasional bar hop to keep everyone together and socializing because I need it for myself.

 

So no, I'm not like your friend. I return my calls and reply back to texts.

Edited by Beachead
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I am going through it too. Here is another ? What about your other friends? What's so great about these guys?

 

In my life I am not forcing anyone to hang out with me. It feels liberating. Some people grow apart. Some stay together. I have friends that I talk to ona regular basis. Even the attached ones. I don't understand why some people r hard to keep in touch with.

 

For me three friends r computer guys. I don't know if that's why, I don't see them as thier Joni's absorbing. It's not like there Is this major shift that I see. The most I would want to hang out is 1-2 times a month with my friends in the city with one of them being a20 min phone call.

 

As we get older in my view. We don't want to waste our time. If I had to cut some friends,some would be surprised that they were cut.

 

I say 7 to 10 friends is good enough. Anything above that u move into acquaintance mode. Looking at my phone. I have about 13 friends that call me within a 1-2 month span. The others don't make that much of an effort. Sometimes we just have to fill in the gaps with hobbies.

 

Well fortunately, I managed to find a group of friends this past summer who love to get out and play soccer/basketball which is exactly what I love to do etc. Then I have some family friends who happen to be geeks/nerds so they love doing things involving video games, boardgames, puzzle oriented plans. Then I have the 1 or 2 friends I know I can confide because they are my bests but they never have time for anything. So, I guess it's really just about putting people in their place and knowing what to expect without asking for anything more.

 

I guess you're right.

 

But I'm starting to realize where my anger is coming from. Talking this is out has been helping me sort my thoughts out.

 

Thank you guys.

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