Angelpie Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 This is ridiculous! I posted months ago about ending my friendships with Jane, Gordon, and Ann. I have moved and have not spoken to any of them since the entire thing happened back in July. Is it normal to still be so sad and upset by the end of our friendships? Shouldn't I be over this by now? I am not suicidal or anything but I still cry at night and I have a very hard time trusting and talking to people. I just keep thinking that there is no point talking to people because they will just end up stabbing me in the back. I have essentially isolated myself from my other friends for fear of being hurt as badly as I have been by Jane. Any thoughts as to how I can get past this? No one I know realizes how badly I am dealing with this. I do want to thank those that gave me their 2 cents when I posted before...I needed to hear some other peoples opinions and you guys helped! Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Time heals darling, I don't know what happened with your friendship but I do wish you the best... Just keep your mind off of it and tell yourself that you are better than them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angelpie Posted October 5, 2004 Author Share Posted October 5, 2004 Thank you for your message stoneheather. You are right it will get better in time. I have been friends with them since I was 16. It is really hard to get used to not talking to them when anything happens. It is especially hard now because I went to their place every year since 1997 (i think) to celebrate my birthday with them and this year I am not. Link to post Share on other sites
fiatflux Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 I went back and read your original story. Is it possible that Jane is going through menopause (not sure of her age)? That can cause people to really get wacky ... and combine that with her baby moving out of the nest ... well, that could make for a very unstable situation! Maybe in time you can get the friendship back if these rather transient factors were involved. If Jane acted the way she did and was not menopausal, well, then there is hardly any viable excuse for her and you probably shouldn't wish for a relationship with someone like her. You never know when she'll "go off" again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angelpie Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 Yes she may be going through an early menopause (Her Doctor said something about that being possible but she never mentioned any more to me about it).. She is in her early 40s. But she has changed a lot during the last 2 years. She is not the same person at all. I know that people change and that I have changed too but with her, it has become very negative towards me (others as well but I seem to get more of it) I would talk to her on the phone and she would disagree with me no matter what. Even when I was agreeing with her, she would change her opinion just to disagree. I think part of my problem is I don't understand what happen or why? I keep thinking maybe I was the one who changed and maybe that is why this happened.What did I do to cause all of this? But my other friends say I haven't changed. So I am not sure what to think or say. But I do think the menopause may be a big part of it. Thanks Fiatflux! But even if it is I don't know how I can get past this to try to repair this friendship. It would take an awful lot to rebuild that trust.... Link to post Share on other sites
fiatflux Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 ...and she would have to WANT to rebuild the friendship and it doesn't sound like she has any commitment towards doing that if she's treating you that way. The only reason why I say it is possible that you could rebuild is because if the changes in her are mostly caused by something physical, then that physical problem could eventually pass and clear the fog that has descended upon her brain. Then maybe she could do a turnaround and WANT to rebuild. But until then, I think you're probably best off building new friendships and trying not to dwell on the lost friendships. It's too bad that you also lost the kids as friends, but their loyalty has to be with their mom so it can't be helped. Take care ... from your side of the story it sure seems like all of this was pretty much out of your control, so don't blame yourself!! Link to post Share on other sites
freebird Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 Hey Anglepie - I just read your post, I feel the same way!! Today, just now, I feel as though a friendship ended - I think some are just meant to when they are not healthy any more. I mean I will always love my friend, I just think time after time - she is just not the person I thought she is - and she continually surprises me with some of the comments she makes towards me that only hurt my feelings. She is in her early 40's and I'm not sure I want to continue with this friendship - I don't like thinking I've been nothing but a good friend only to find out I'm not!! She's totally ungrateful and I'm just not sure I feel good being her friend any longer. I wish you were a neighbor who lived up the street and we could talk about this over coffee!! Right now I feel I could use a friend! IM if you want!! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 I hate to use this hackneyed phrase, but maybe your friend's having a 'mid-life' crisis??? Sometimes people get to a point in life and their outlook in life turns black. It can cause them to go through all sorts of strange episodes. No excuse for it, but maybe some explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
freebird Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 Hey Amerikajin: I think you might be absolutely right on that one! Never thought of if like that. That sheds a whole new light. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angelpie Posted October 17, 2004 Author Share Posted October 17, 2004 Freebird I tried to IM you but it wouldn't let me. It sounds as though our situations are very similar. please feel free to IM me if you want to chat. Link to post Share on other sites
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