Disconnecting from friends - at a loss as to next steps?

[coralsmith]

I attended university in a city which is very far from home. At the time I left for Uni, I had outgrown most of my friends at home and I wasn't very happy.

 

I went to uni and over my 3 year course, I managed to establish several friendship groups and had my first boyfriend. I always felt I had someone I could go to, hang out with etc. by the time I was in my final year, I think I was the happiest I had ever been in my life.

 

I decided to go back home for a year when I finished my degree, with the aim to return after a year. Most of my friends scattered around the country but a good few stayed in our university town.

 

I took a stop-gap job and returned almost a year ago (one year after I graduated), but unfortunately I have never really been able to truly settle here.

 

A lot of my friends who have stayed now have other priorities - some have put their boyfriends first, others have formed new friendship groups they invest more time in etc.

 

It's made me come to hate living here, as I'm often lonely. I haven't been able to meet someone to go into a relationship with because my friends don't want to socialise as much, now they have SO of their own and full time jobs.

 

It's made me realise that, as much as I want to, I can't construct a life around my friends and I need to move on.

 

I was thinking of trying to find a job I am interested and happy in, and hoping everything else falls into place. The industry I want to work in, likely means I'll need to move to a bigger city, were I will know even fewer people.

 

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

I feel like i'm starting from scratch again, but won't have the benefits of a university style social life to allow me to make new friends in a new city.

 

Sometimes I think I should return home - but the thought of moving back to the place I have lived my whole life... just doesn't seem right to me, as much as I miss it.

 

I am desperate for advice and stories from others in a similar situation!

 

How to you go about building a new life for yourself?!

[preraph]

I need to get some perspective. Are there still times when you see your friends or not? If so, then this is normal post-college life changes. Yes, we all have to get jobs and that means there's no more 24/7 socializing, plus we grow out of that. If you still have friends you see, say once a month or every couple of weeks, that is about normal for working people. If you think it's bad now, wait until they start having kids, although at that point you can hang out at their house with the kids all you want, probably.

 

It sounds to me like you need a roommate, but it also sounds like you are maybe a bit too needy to have someone around all the time and need to work on that. You have to give a roommate their privacy when they want it too or they'll move out, but you might hit it off and just having someone around, even if they're in the other room, might help some. Good luck.

[I am Bud]

Dear coralsmith

 

I think that your idea of "I was thinking of trying to find a job I am interested and happy in, and hoping everything else falls into place." is an excellent idea because it's going to benefit you on multiple levels. Firstly when you find that job that you love to do it is going to re-energize you and people are going to see it and be drawn to you.

 

Secondly it will keep you preoccupied whilst you establish a new social life. If you are working in an industry that you are passionate about with fellow people who are also passionate then you will definitely make some connections and form new friendships. Who knows you might be able to find that special person who also works in that industry so the possibilites are there.

 

You should listen to your intuition of not returning back to the place that you have lived in all your life and have the courage to follow your dreams. I think that you are on the precipice of someone who is able to have an extrordinary life if you have but the will and strength to pursue it. Taking this leap does not mean that you are doomed to stick to it if you are unhappy. So you can always have a fallback plan if things don't work out.

 

Good luck with it - Bud.