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i LOVE my best friends girlfriend

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 6th September 2004, 4:17 AM   #1
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i LOVE my best friends girlfriend

hey guys. i need some advice. i am in love with a girl. she is the most beautiful, funny, and the most perfect girl in the world. we have the deepest and most meaningful conversations.

my conflict is that she is dating my best friend. i have been friends with him since kindergarden, and we are all now attending our freshman year in college. they have been dating for 1 year and 2 months. they both trust me more than anybody else in the world (even eachother), and i am a very trustworthy person. i know that their relationship has gone stale, and has been pretty bad for months. they both tell me that they need to break up, but neither of them do it. they dont even love eachother. i care for her soooo much more than he does. my friend is a selfish person, and treats her like a piece of ****. he has even cheated on her once, but trusted me not to tell anyone. i dont approve of the way he treats her, in fact, it makes me sick even thinking about it. but theres nothing i can do.

she has told me that after their relationship is over, she's gonna want to date me. she has also told me uncountable times that she loves me and that we will get married. her mother and my mother have talked a few times, and her mother told my mother that she loves me very much, but i wasnt supposed to know that. my mom also thinks that she loves me (she has a sixth sense about these types of things).

i know that the relationship will be over soon, and i'm being forced to choose between the girl i love, and my friend of 14 years. this is a very bad situation for me, because i'm stuck in the middle. he has told me that if i continue to talk to her after they break up, he will kill me. he is much stronger than i am, and he could definately do some damage to me, possibly bad enough to send me to the hospital. she tells me that the subjects we talk about she doesnt tell anyone else, and she thinks that we're closer than she is with him. we often finish eachothers sentences and think the same thoughts at the same time. i am convinced we're soulmates. i dont want to hurt my best friend however, or get my ass kicked by him either. but i can't sit here and let the girl i love slip past me.

i am in a big conflict, and its really heavy on my heart. i have recently turned to drugs to cope with the pain, and i need some help. somebody please just give me your opinion on what i should do, i need some feedback. i've been holding in this pain for countless months, and i think i'm about to explode. i love this girl with all of my heart, and i wouldnt be complete without her, but i dont want to stab my friend in the back. what should i do? thank you for reading this and please tell me what you think.


Harry Hood
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Old 6th September 2004, 4:34 AM   #2
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Location: I live in Nortthwest washington
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First of all:
please step away from the narcotics. This will chase away the girl and your best friend, not to mention fall into a deeper depression...

secondly, the girl sounds much more better for you two choose. Your best friend sounds very immature and maybe has no clue on how you feel for this girl.
In my experience, (being 20) I would love for a guy to proclaim his love to me, no matter who threatened him. Just go with your heart.
good luck
anymore questions..feel free to ask
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Old 6th September 2004, 5:42 PM   #3
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I understand what your going through cause I am currently in your shoes. But thanks to some advice I got from friends and also this forum I am now trying to sort things out as they come. Yes I turned to marijuana when I was depressed before until I found out that drugs don't help at all. Sure you'll be all stoned and high for like 4-6 hours and then what ? the depression comes back again.

I know I am probably not up to form to give any advice on relationships with girls due to my recent conditions, but I can say one thing about your 14 years of friendship with your friend. If your so called best friend is threatening you, just because you continue to talk to his ex even after they break up then I think that 14 years of friendship is not worth keeping. I mean if your best friend thinks hurting or killing you will make things better let him do so. He'll probably do jail time for hurting you and maybe death penalty for killing.

Like in my case for example: I wouldn't even consider the other guy a best friend maybe just fly-by friends, but still at least he is gentleman enough not to threaten me in anyway or so, though I ain't sure he knows about the feelings I have for his girlfriend. But if he did find out about it and decides to threaten me, it will only make me more determine to talk to his girl. Just because your best friend relations with his girlfriend is sour, dosen't mean it has to be the same for you. I mean how stupid does it sound " hey I am not in good terms with her, so you shouldn't be in good terms with her too and stop talking to her "

But I wouldn't suggest you jumping into the picture right after they break up. Put yourself in his shoes, you wouldn't feel nice if your girlfriend broke up with you and the next instance she is going steady with your friend. Give it some time for everything to cool down before you start jumping into the bandwagon. If after that your friend is still having a hard time accepting the fact that you both are together then I guess there is no point you even bother retaining the friendship status. Just for the record you aren't backstabbing your friend in anyway or so, if she broke up with him then its end of the story and time for a new beginning.

Remember she is someone you love , not some property owned by her ex boyfriend. I mean I don't see why 2 individuals shouldn't be together if both are not attached to anyone esle and have mutual feelings for each other.

Anyway the above is just from my point of view.
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Old 7th September 2004, 12:53 AM   #4
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I appreciate all of your responses.

Another conflict I am going through, is if I should move away for college in the spring semester. I have already been accepted to a good college about 2 hours away. My mom told me that I need to make a decision where I want to go very soon.

My conflict is if I leave, I may not get to be with the girl I love. She has told me that if I go she will visit me every other weekend, and i'll visit her the opposite weekends. I thought this was a good idea, but i'm not sure if it is enough. But if I stay here, i'd just be continuing the same life I have now. I don't know how long her and him are going to prolong this joke of a relationship. Supposedly, he will be moving away at the beginning of his sophomore year. That is a long time away. That means that I can't just wait for him to leave so I can finally be with the girl I love with all of my heart. So I have 2 choices: one is to stay here and be with the girl, but having to face my best friend to get to her. My other choice is to leave for a better college, and possibly get on with my life, or possibly making the worst choice of my life.

I know it probably seems like my life is a soap opera, believe me, i know. I never thought i'd be in a situation like this. But my heart wont give up on what it truly wants. Thank you to the ppl that responded to my thread, maybe you can help me with this conflict.


Harry Hood
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Old 7th September 2004, 1:55 AM   #5
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Your so-called friend isn't a friend's arse. If he cares for you, and for her, then he will allow you to do what makes you happy. GO FOR THE GIRL! If you lose your "friend", good riddance. Real friendship survives everything.

In ten years time, you will have gone your own way and so will he. Trust me on this. Friendships fade, and yours looks like a prime candidate. Don't allow some initimidating punk to rule your life and future happiness.
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Old 7th September 2004, 9:54 AM   #6
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Don't turn to the drugs to solve your problems. Go to the college you prefer to go to, your education and your own personal goals are the most important thing at this point in your life.

Distancing yourself from your friends' messy relationship will be good for you. There is the possibility that these two may not break up at this point in time. Even if this girl does break up with her ex, she should probably have some time to herself before she jumps into another relationship. Be friends with her, stay in touch, but give her some breathing space. Take things slow.

Be honest with this girl, tell her you do have feelings for her, but you are not ready to have a relationship with her until she makes a clean break with her boyfriend. Your friend sounds like at total a$$--based on your own feelings about him and his stupid threats, it would probably be in your best interest to cut your ties with him, regardless if you ever date this girl or not.
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Old 7th September 2004, 3:07 PM   #7
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wow. I can remember being your age, being in love, and also thinking that my life would never be complete without this girl.

I am now 40, over it, and my life is very complete without her.


Odds are the relationship might not even work out once you 2 "officially" get together.

All the excitement between you 2 could be due to the fact that you are sort of having a secret affair. Once it's all out in the open your relationship with her might also "grow stale".
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Old 20th September 2004, 1:23 AM   #8
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She might only be going out with him to talk to you, have you told her that you have a yeast infection? As it may make her upset, See a doctor ASAP
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Old 20th October 2004, 6:04 PM   #9
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Red face me too

i all so have this problem and i have know idea what to do?

can anyone help me plz??????
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Old 20th October 2004, 6:43 PM   #10
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Harry Dude-

You need to do what you feel in your Heart. I am a firm believer(and i know people think i'm silly)

That LOVE is more important than school, than work and material things. Obviously, Be responsible and

keep a good job, go to school, get an education etc. But Look, we should live

for the moment, everyday. People die, ya know?You don't know what tomorrow holds, so don't count on it.

Don't sit around thinking you'll have all this time to do the things you want to fo, F*ck that. Do what

you feel right then and there. If you love this girl, Stick with her. If she loves you and you truly know

it's something real, don't risk losing it. Don't ever live with regrets or with "I wish I had done this"..or..

"I wish I had stayed with the girl, rather than moved away"... If you really think she's worth it, stay off the drugs,

keep your head clear and be strong-willed. Fight for what you believe in.

If he's threatening to Kick Your Ass, He's no friend. F*ck that guy. Just make sure she's real about everything.

I've heard about relationships that start this way, but end with the girl or guy repeating the same thing

that got them in the relationship in the first place. Growing tired of the relationship and flirting with the GF's or BF's

best buddy. I've heard it can be a vicious cycle. Make sure she's TRUE.
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