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Paranoid Schizophrenic roommate situation


wavering_radiant

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wavering_radiant

I need some advice about dealing with a roommate who has signs of paranoid schizophrenia (I'm not making that claim lightly, either). He is incredibly paranoid, repeatedly accusing me of things that I have not done. He claimed that I caused his guitar strings to rust, and after I told him I didn't, he threatened to set up cameras in the apartment to watch me, which I would bet is not legal for him to do so, and I found one of his cameras today. He keeps claiming that I'm messing with his things and entering his room, even though I haven't been. One of the most alarming things he accused me of was that he said he saw me wiping something on the inside door handle to the bathroom, which I didn't do. And this doesn't really make any sense, because the bathroom door opens into the inside of the bathroom, making it impossible to even see the inside door handle from the outside of the bathroom, so I don't know how he could have seen that, even though that didn't happen. And what does he think I was wiping the handle with? He didn’t say. And not only that, I find it very alarming and pretty creepy that he's standing outside the bathroom watching me while I'm in the bathroom. I never even knew that he was watching me there until he texted me that he did. He probably saw something completely innocuous and blew it out of proportion.

 

I'm not the only person that he acts this way towards either. A few months ago, he got angry and accused one of his friends of stealing a pair of expensive sunglasses from him, when it turns out that he didn't and he had just misplaced his sunglasses. So he clearly has a problem with paranoia and making false, baseless accusations towards other people. He has also told me on multiple occasions that he has been hearing voices and seeing ghosts in the apartment. So I don't feel very safe living with someone who repeatedly experiences paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, which are some of the signs of a paranoid schizophrenic. I'm not a psychologist, but from reading what I can about it, it seems to be a reasonable take on it. And finally he told me that he wants me to leave the apartment, even though we both signed the lease. I've made it clear to him that I have not done any of the things he has accused me of, and he has no evidence to back himself up, but he continues to accuse me anyway, making it very uncomfortable to be around him and the apartment.

 

I had lived with him in a previous apartment, but he didn't act this way toward me at all before I moved to the current apartment with him, so I don’t know what caused the switch. Other than not cleaning up after myself a few times, I don't feel like I've done anything wrong at all as a roommate to provoke this. I don't feel safe at all in my home, and I don't really have anywhere else to go to relax, so I am constantly on edge living there.

 

Then things escalated a few days ago. The first thing that happened was that I was taking a shower, and he insisted on coming in to the bathroom while I showered. I said no, but he insisted on coming in a couple more times. I had heard him go into the bathroom a few minutes before I went to shower, so I wasn't sure if I totally believed him when he said he needed to use the restroom. So after I finished showering, I went into my room across the hall. He didn't go into the bathroom after me, he then stood outside my door and started laying on more and more accusations. He apparently didn't need to go to the bathroom that bad, which really creeped me out and made me suspect that he had some ulterior motive for trying to get into the bathroom while I was showering.

 

So he repeatedly accuses me of the bathroom door handle thing that I mentioned before. I couldn't take it any more, so I started screaming at him to shut the **** up! Even then he wouldn't back down from these accusations. He then calls me the biggest douchebag he knows. I then ask him about the camera, and he says that if I didn't have anything to hide, then I shouldn't care. This was the very last thing he said to me: "You have no idea who I am, do you? Do you know what I'm really capable of?" I then asked him what that meant, and if that were a threat, and he wouldn't respond.

 

After being super creeped out by all of this, I decided to pack a change of clothes and my computer and run out of there to a friend's house. I've been couch surfing for the past few days since then, and have barely been back in the apartment. Needless to say, I'm ready to get the hell out of there. I found an apartment I really like, too. I talked to the landlord, and he's perfectly fine with letting me off the lease given the situation, except that I would lose my security deposit. The landlord has also had lots of difficult experiences with him. The landlord agreed to talk to his family about the situation and recommend psychiatric help, because I don't have their contact info. I also tried talking to the police, but they weren't very helpful.

 

There's only one caveat. Even though the roommate has told me that he wants me to leave and doesn't seem very happy with me, now he's saying that I'm still responsible for the rent, and that he'll sue me for my remainder of the rent if I leave him having to pay the entire rent. He wants me gone, but he wants to punish me for leaving? He's a sickly abusive person that I want to get the **** away from immediately, but I simply cannot financially afford to pay rent at two different places. And it's in the middle of winter, so this isn't the optimal time for finding a subletter. Also, given his behavior, there's no way that I could recommend for anyone to live there with him. I honestly feel trapped right now. My gut tells me that there's no way I can live there, but this will financially break me if I leave.

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Health and safety first. Legalities later. Losing your portion of the security deposit is a very small price for the education you received, both about mental illness and roommates. Let the new apartment and deal with whatever comes up later. Mentally ill people will latch on for awhile until a more attractive target presents itself and then they'll move on. If any threats come your way, simply report the person as a 5150, danger to self or others, and let the LEO's do their job. Don't bother them unless you have direct and verifiable threats. Otherwise, simply move on and forget the person even existed.

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He does sound paranoid schizophrenic. Of course, he could be on some meds that are making him crazy too, though, or some street drugs like meth making him that way. Schizophrenia can get worse with age or onset with age. Whatever -- he needs help, so you need to contact his family and tell them he is having schizophrenic type episodes and that they need to take him to a psychiatrist right now. You might even call your local police and ask them what to do if the family won't intervene. It's not easy making someone go if they don't want to -- and 80% of psychiatric patients either don't take their meds or don't take them correctly. And schizophrenia is the toughest disease to treat and a very sad one.

 

I think what you must to is first talk to his parents, get that ball rolling. Meanwhile, let them know you don't even feel safe and must do something about the apartment. See what they say. Then go to your landlord or manager and speak to them frankly about this. They probably will not want him to stay there. He might need to leave and you stay, or both of you leave. Make sure his family is there to pick up the pieces because he's out of it and you don't need to be the one to do it.

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Wavering Radiant - I had an experience so identical to your post that I feel like I wrote it myself! I want to give you a shortcut I wish someone gave me: This only gets worse, not better. Every time you're there taking these crazy accusations and spend another day in that apartment, it's like saying to someone like this "it's okay! I've got no problem with this." and anything you actually say is a waste of words. Someone like this will take your actions over your words and will keep pushing and pushing the envelope until something really bad happens.

 

From the standing outside the bathroom while you're in there to being absolutely delusional as to who they are, I dealt with all of this. It eventually got so bad that the guy I knew thought he was a character from one of his favorite movies.

 

This is a sad disease because you can't force someone into treatment. But people making threats the way this person tried to threaten you? You're better off leaving and never looking back. It almost doesn't matter if the threat was real or not. Don't tolerate behavior from someone like that!

 

I know it's not going to be fun to kiss your deposit goodbye but I'm telling you, it just keeps getting worse and it will hit a point that someone is going to get hurt. It may be you or you may find yourself having to defend yourself. Either way this isn't going to end well.

 

The guy I knew was avoiding facing that he had a serious problem by saying the reason he accused me of doing things behind his back is because his mother used to sneak into his bedroom when he wasn't home and she made him paranoid. He said he would purposely set things a certain way in his room so he could tell if she moved it when he wasn't there. Did she do this? I don't know. Maybe she did. But, he always had an excuse or a "good" reason to behave the way he was, according to him.

 

He has a very serious mental illness but would never admit to it. He told me he stood outside the door like a prison guard when I was in the bathroom because I somehow kept him from watching TV! He never saw how odd his behavior was.

 

I feel bad for the guy but I'm not a professional and couldn't help him. He was at times extremely dangerous because he would become completely unglued from reality and act on his paranoid delusions. People like this need professional help and medication.

 

I don't miss the days you're living now of being accused of doing things I'd never do. Strange things! Save yourself a lot of time and trouble (and possibly worse) and get out, say goodbye to your security deposit and move onto better days.

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wavering_radiant

So I'm fine with losing the deposit, the problem with leaving is that the roommate is threatening to take me to small claims for the rest of the rent (4 months worth) that is on the lease. This is something I simply cannot afford. I would like to find a replacement to take over the rent. I am also trying to get his family's contact information so I can let them know what is going on.

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wavering_radiant

So I talked to the roommate today, and he had found out from the landlord that I had talked to the police. He told me that he wasn't happy about that and that if something were filed, that that would ruin his reputation. I then told him that he said something to me that I, and I feel like I had good reason to do so, interpreted as a threat (the whole: "You have no idea who I am, do you? Do you know what I'm really capable of?"). He then tells me that wasn't what he intended, and he was just intended that to be about taking legal action against me for things that he thinks I had done. I apologized for misinterpreting him, but I honestly don't know if I believe it. It's hard to say, given the context of everything else he's done, if he's telling the truth or if he's just saying that. I feel like he wasn't being very responsible with his words, and, given the fact that after he said that to me, I specifically asked him what that meant and if that was a threat and he didn't answer me, that it was hard to me not to take it that way. It's hard to say what a person is really capable of. I find it hard to believe, too, that simply talking to the police would actually do anything to hurt his reputation, especially since they even told me that wasn't enough to do anything with.

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If I were you I'd be calling a CAT (Crisis-Assessment-Team) or whatever equivalent you have where you live. They're the people who assess potentially unwell people in the community to determine if they need treatment.

 

I've worked in an adult locked psychiatric in-patient unit previously. He sounds quite psychotic. Is he using drugs or something?

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He's just lying. I hope you find his parents. He could be dangerous. Hopefully not. Schizophrenics are usually not dangerous, but if their paranoid delusions are strong enough they can be. Try to get a video of him some way when he's acting crazy. I think to convince a judge, you'd just have to keep a log of his craziness, show that you were willing to pay as long as you were able to safely live there, have a letter from the landlord about you having come to them for a peaceful solution. Most places you'd have a filing fee to sue in small claims court. It's not super simple. Just keep a log of everything he says or does and all your efforts to remedy the situation to present at court if needed. Also, if you move out, give as much notice as possible to him and the landlord and keep a copy of what you send them, dated and preferably notarized at the bank.

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How could he possibly sue you when the landlord gave you permission to leave? If anyone at all could be held responsible, it would be the landlord, not you. He's just trying to scare you.

 

 

Of course you could always find a place in your area that offers free legal advice. They could tell you whether or not this guy has a leg to stand on. (I'm guessing he doesn't).

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How could he possibly sue you when the landlord gave you permission to leave? If anyone at all could be held responsible, it would be the landlord, not you. He's just trying to scare you.

It seems like the landlord's willingness to the OP that he would "let him out" of the lease might be dicey. (Note, I am not a lawyer; I have been both a renter and a landlord, but that doesn't make me an expert; this is just me experience and my memory...) A lease is a contract, and it specifies and assumes a meeting of the minds between the parties about what is to be exchanged for the term. It binds the landlord to allow the tenants to continue their tenancy for the term, and it binds the tenants to pay the rent for that term.

 

When there are multiple tenants listed, in my experience, a lease doesn't takes a stand about the responsibility of the tenants to each other, in terms of how the rent is split, other expenses, etc. It doesn't deal with that, as it is strictly an agreement between two sides: tenant(s) and landlord. The one allowance it does make (and this is important to your question about how the roommate could go after the OP if the landlord "lets him leave...") is that there is often (probably always, I don't know...) a clause that declares that the tenants will be "joint and severally liable" which means that in order to get the rent paid or damages paid for, etc., the landlord can go after them both together, or after them individually and separately for the whole rent amount.

 

Now here's the deal: what is the landlord's ability to "let the OP leave?" Since the contract was between all of the parties, I don't know if he really has the ability to unilaterally let the OP out of the lease, and then to ONLY go after the remaining roommate for the full rent. Maybe so, given the "joint and several liability" clause, although again, I'm not a lawyer.

 

But the landlord having given the OP clearance to leave is only effectively his assertion that the landlord will not come after the OP for the rent. Since there is still a contract in force that includes the OP and the roomate as tenants, I wonder if the roommate would have a case that they went in on the lease together, intending to split the rent somehow - even though that is not explicitly stated in the lease, it is strongly implied, and might support a claim that they were acting under a verbal agreement as to the rent split.

 

So if the landlord did go after the roommate for the full rent, the roommate might well have a case in going after the OP. Not that I like it, but darn it, a written contract is supposed to be that solid, representing each party's commitment to the others, not to be broken, except under the terms of the contract.

 

Has the roommate done anything that the landlord could use to break the lease, perhaps with your cooperation? Or might he be willing to break the entire lease and re-write with just the roommate as tenant? (Although it sounds like the roommate would likely not go for that, and it would probably require his agreement.)

 

Of course you could always find a place in your area that offers free legal advice. They could tell you whether or not this guy has a leg to stand on. (I'm guessing he doesn't).

I would strongly advise that this is a good plan. There is no use getting random legal advice on the internet (and I include my own advice within that warning!) when you should be getting the straight dope from an expert in your jurisdiction. Absolutely - educate yourself, and equip yourself with good knowledge and ammunition.

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Good for you for going to the police. You seem to have a hard time taking care of yourself, being easily manipulated. Stop taking this mentally ill person seriously other than that he is mentally ill and the games will not end until you leave. There are a lot of people like him, learn your lesson about avoiding them now.

 

A lawyer in your area will be able to tell you how you can protect yourself. If there is no law that will help, file a report with the police so there is a paper trail and get out. If he does take you to small claims, that paper might help the judge help you -- but of course get real legal advice.

 

If he is in his early 20s he's at the age this usually starts manifesting. It can seem to come out of no where, or there could be signs. Please contact his family and let them get help for him if you can.

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