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What exactly is wrong with my friend?


purplesoccer34

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purplesoccer34

I've known this guy for more than 2 years and when I first met him, he was the nicest guy and was always so helpful. He'd give me rides to places whenever I asked him, and would basically offer help even when I didn't ask him for it--he still does that to me and all his other friends, but something has changed a bit now. Before, every now and then he would throw insults at me, but it was obvious that it was all just for fun. Now, the insults have become way too frequent, and he directs them at me way more than he does at anyone else. He's actually quite nice to everyone else in our group of friends--both males and females.

 

For example, if I utter even a sound, he says, "shut up. no one wants to hear your voice." that's basically his only comment to anything I ever say. another time, I was talking about some driving experience I had and he said, "you should've just killed yourself, that might have made the world a better place." after that comment, I sort of had it--am I being too oversensitive? and then when I start to tell him a story he says, "shut up, no one really cares."

 

It was all very different a year ago. He would sit down and help me through any issues I was having in my life. If I was sick, he'd offer to drive to a place where we could get cough medicine or whatever. Whenever he asked me to go to a party with him and his friends and I couldn't make it, he would beg me until I made some adjustment to attend the party. He also used to text me a whole lot, but now he hardly ever responds to my texts. Also, the insults were very rare.

 

Does this all mean that he has genuinely started to hate me or find me annoying?

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I was talking about some driving experience I had and he said, "you should've just killed yourself, that might have made the world a better place." after that comment, I sort of had it--am I being too oversensitive?

No - you are not overly sensitive and this person is no longer your friend. This is a very abusive and toxic statement. If I were you, I would do whatever I could to make sure I was not anywhere near him anymore.

 

Does this all mean that he has genuinely started to hate me or find me annoying?

I don't think it matters what he thinks. Really. You don't deserve to be treated the way he is treating you and why he used to be nice and no longer is will probably remain a mystery.

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This is some serious stuff. Why he's like this, doesn't matter. He's like this. You need to get far away from him fast.

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My sensitive, thoughtful, considerate side would reply "shut your phekking face you heartless bastard!" and I'd then ignore him.

 

I won't tell you what my insensitive, thoughtless, inconsiderate side would say, but he'd be minus his scrotum and all attachments with it.....

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Honestly, it sounds like you get on his nerves. Do you tell a lot of lies? Are you an attention whore?

 

Either way, this guy does not have any respect for you. He is an *********!! It is time for you to move on and find a different friend.

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Are you female? I might have a theory if you are.

 

But (echoing other posters here), it doesn't matter much why he's being an abusive jerk. All that matters is that he is being an abusive jerk.

 

I'd seriously scale back how much time you spend with him, limiting it only to situations where you're with your mutual group of friends. Even then, I think comments like his are disrespectful enough that I think you would be well-advised to call him out on it in a frank (and perhaps a public) manner.

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purplesoccer34
Honestly, it sounds like you get on his nerves. Do you tell a lot of lies? Are you an attention whore?

 

Either way, this guy does not have any respect for you. He is an *********!! It is time for you to move on and find a different friend.

 

I'm not even sure what it is. When it's just the two of us together, we can talk about anything, and he offers me a lot of good advice regarding any problems I'm having. And when I'm upset about something he always drives over to my house to meet me in person and talk to me about the problem. His behavior is pretty unpredictable though--sometimes when he hasn't seen me in a while he acts like he's so excited to see me, but other times he completely ignores me. And yeah, these insults only happen in a group setting.

 

I know it seems like the most sensible thing to do is to erase him from my life, but I'm finding it so hard to overlook all the nice things he's done.

 

But yeah, to answer your question, I never tell lies as far as I know. When we're with a group of friends, I'm the quietest one lol, so I don't think I appear as an attention whore haha.

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purplesoccer34
Are you female? I might have a theory if you are.

 

But (echoing other posters here), it doesn't matter much why he's being an abusive jerk. All that matters is that he is being an abusive jerk.

 

I'd seriously scale back how much time you spend with him, limiting it only to situations where you're with your mutual group of friends. Even then, I think comments like his are disrespectful enough that I think you would be well-advised to call him out on it in a frank (and perhaps a public) manner.

 

I'd be interested in knowing your theory haha, but yes I am female. I think you're right about calling him out on it a public manner.

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I've known this guy for more than 2 years and when I first met him, he was the nicest guy and was always so helpful. He'd give me rides to places whenever I asked him, and would basically offer help even when I didn't ask him for it--he still does that to me and all his other friends, but something has changed a bit now. Before, every now and then he would throw insults at me, but it was obvious that it was all just for fun. Now, the insults have become way too frequent, and he directs them at me way more than he does at anyone else. He's actually quite nice to everyone else in our group of friends--both males and females.

 

For example, if I utter even a sound, he says, "shut up. no one wants to hear your voice." that's basically his only comment to anything I ever say. another time, I was talking about some driving experience I had and he said, "you should've just killed yourself, that might have made the world a better place." after that comment, I sort of had it--am I being too oversensitive? and then when I start to tell him a story he says, "shut up, no one really cares."

 

It was all very different a year ago. He would sit down and help me through any issues I was having in my life. If I was sick, he'd offer to drive to a place where we could get cough medicine or whatever. Whenever he asked me to go to a party with him and his friends and I couldn't make it, he would beg me until I made some adjustment to attend the party. He also used to text me a whole lot, but now he hardly ever responds to my texts. Also, the insults were very rare.

 

Does this all mean that he has genuinely started to hate me or find me annoying?

 

Sounds to me that this person have gotten fed up over the years of helping you, and felt that you are taking him for granted. Usually people who is extremely nice and helpful, tend to become eally angry at someone if they feel that the friend he's being kind to isn't showing the appreciation he/she deserved.

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WTF?! I'm with the other users who say ditch this horrible person and do not contact them again. I wouldn't even tell someone I hated that they "should've killed" themselves. That's just nasty, no matter what the circumstances.

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I'm not even sure what it is. When it's just the two of us together, we can talk about anything, and he offers me a lot of good advice regarding any problems I'm having. And when I'm upset about something he always drives over to my house to meet me in person and talk to me about the problem. His behavior is pretty unpredictable though--sometimes when he hasn't seen me in a while he acts like he's so excited to see me, but other times he completely ignores me. And yeah, these insults only happen in a group setting.

 

I know it seems like the most sensible thing to do is to erase him from my life, but I'm finding it so hard to overlook all the nice things he's done.

 

But yeah, to answer your question, I never tell lies as far as I know. When we're with a group of friends, I'm the quietest one lol, so I don't think I appear as an attention whore haha.

 

There is good and bad in everyone. So don't let the fact that he was caring and nice in the past stop you from walking away. You need to make a habit out of treating people like they can be here today and gone tomorrow when they don't treat you right (sad but true). When people know that you will remain loyal to them even after they sh*t on you.....they start to treat you any kind of way. If you continue to let him abuse you like this in front of people, the other people will lose respect for you and also start disrespecting you. You do not deserve that!!

 

The only other suggestion I have is talking to him about his behavior. If he changes then you should remain friends. However, I will warn you that the possibility of that happening is very low.

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purplesoccer34
There is good and bad in everyone. So don't let the fact that he was caring and nice in the past stop you from walking away. You need to make a habit out of treating people like they can be here today and gone tomorrow when they don't treat you right (sad but true). When people know that you will remain loyal to them even after they sh*t on you.....they start to treat you any kind of way. If you continue to let him abuse you like this in front of people, the other people will lose respect for you and also start disrespecting you. You do not deserve that!!

 

The only other suggestion I have is talking to him about his behavior. If he changes then you should remain friends. However, I will warn you that the possibility of that happening is very low.

 

I did take your suggestion and just asked him why he says these things, and he apologized profusely. He said, "I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I always joke around like this and I didn't think you would take it the wrong way..." and things like that. lol I will take this word for it, and see if he truly changes. Thanks so much for the suggestion. I should've done this a while ago, haha.

 

Thank you to everyone else for the responses!

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