Our house sitters are abusing our belongings without our permission

[down hearted]

Since my husband is deployed and i left to stay at my parents for the time being, my husband left our house keys and car keys with a co-worker whom we have done a great amount of favors to return one favor to look after our house for emergencies only in case something were to happen. (we live on base, he and his wife have their own house and he just bought a brand new car of the year but his wife doesn't know how to drive it since it is stick shift) The reason we left this trust with them is because they truly seemed like a reliable responsible marriage, very serious, they do not play around even in squadron events etc, they seem very serious and reliable. So we decided that they could do us this favor for a while, besides they have nothing to do in our house or with our cars since it is just for an emergency, otherwise they have no reason to even go inside our house nor use our cars.

 

To not make the story so long, one of my friends who lives on base was going on her night run, and passed down our street when she texted me "hey where did your car go?" I said, what do you mean? she says yea your car is not there only your husband's car is (P.S. My husband's car is a crappy old car that has a ton of problems so our only reliable source of transportation at the moment is mine, my husband before he left he parked his car behind my car since they were never going to be used anyway)

 

flash forward, i asked my friend about my husband's car and she said to me, his car is parked in the garage but not yours, this means they moved his car to take out mines, i asked her to please pass by my house the following day to see if my car was there, she did and it wasn't so basically my car has been out of my house that i know of for entire almost 2 days. I am so damn angry i can honestly kill someone, how dare them abuse of our trust, knowing that is our only reliable car to move around, and on top of it MY CAR HAS NO DAMN INSURANCE because my husband suspended the insurance before he left so we didn't had to pay for insurance the months we were not going to be home not using it ughhh. am so damn angry, and i lost the co-workers number because my phone got messed up and deleted all my contacts so now i have to wait for my husband to get the number.

 

My conclusion is that his co-workers wife is cruising in my car everywhere since she can't drive her husband's car because is stick shift ( which is not my problem) and since day one has been abusing of my car by not even parking it in our driveway i swear i feel like ripping her a new one. am about to loose my mind here because if a tire pops or something happens to my car me and my husband are screwed, how dare they, we never gave them permission to use our stuff, and god only knows what is really going on inside our home am so angry omg, any advice? I think i might have to take a flight back home early, everything in this trip of mines is going wrong!!

 

what should i do? they think we are clueless of what is going on back home.

Edited November 6, 2013 by down hearted

[d0nnivain]

I'd call them immediately & tell them the car has no insurance & they are not to use it. If they tell you they borrowed to take their dying kid to the hospital or some such other genuine emergency forgive them.

 

Then get home asap & reclaim all your keys. If coming home early is not possible, tell them to FedEx the keys to you & if they don't you will advise the MPs that they are breaking & entering & have stolen your car.

 

Give the keys to the jogger if you still need somebody to watch the house. If she's a really good friend, get the bad friends to turn over the keys to her with the same threat

 

Send DH an e-mail about what's going on so he's not blindsided.

[down hearted]

I'd call them immediately & tell them the car has no insurance & they are not to use it. If they tell you they borrowed to take their dying kid to the hospital or some such other genuine emergency forgive them.

 

Then get home asap & reclaim all your keys. If coming home early is not possible, tell them to FedEx the keys to you & if they don't you will advise the MPs that they are breaking & entering & have stolen your car.

 

Give the keys to the jogger if you still need somebody to watch the house. If she's a really good friend, get the bad friends to turn over the keys to her with the same threat

 

Send DH an e-mail about what's going on so he's not blindsided.

 

I can't believe them, i would never disrespect someone's home like that, and on top of that i don't trust anyone when am not physically there to drive our cars since that to me is a huge responsibility what is wrong with them are they out of their mind! I am assuming that her husband said to her just take his wife's car so he didn't have to drive her anywhere since they only have one car and he has to drive her everywhere since she can't drive stick shift, and if he can afford a brand new car he should of bought his wife a simple car or something otherwise their difficulties are not our problem am so angry.

 

I fear that if i tell them to fed ex my keys they might do something rash out of anger since we aren't there since i don't trust them and at this point i trust no one when am not there specially after this and i can't leave where am at because i am dealing with taking my grandparents to the doctor to deal with health issues since my parents can't do it because of work this is unbelievable i truly don't know what to do.

[d0nnivain]

Be gracious but firm when you tell them to send the keys. If they do trash your house, I suspect the service person will be facing punishment. The UCMJ is much harsher than civilian law. I doubt he'd risk it.

 

If there is a family support group available on base as a resource for the families of deployed personel reach out to them for assistnace. Perhaps they can send somebody to your housesitters to retrieve the keys & send them to you.

[carhill]

As it appears you live on-base, the base authorities can handle a report of a stolen vehicle the next time it goes missing.

 

Ironically, this is where modern technology can assist if the vehicle is so equipped. As an example, when a company vehicle appears to be in a position which is inconsistent from where it should be and foul play is suspected, a simple call to On-Star can disable it, as they have the capability to start and stop vehicles remotely and the integrated technology defeats all but the most sophisticated thieves. Between real-time GPS and remote management, a vehicle generally should not be able to get out of one's control easily. Although your situation is personal, I've found increasing amounts of friends and colleagues using such technology to track/manage their personal and business vehicles.

 

IMO, have your friend who noticed the vehicle missing due a few drive-bys and, if it goes missing again, have them tickle you to that fact and report it stolen, which in fact is what it is, since you gave no one written permission to use it. Reporting it stolen also gives you some leverage if there is an incident with it while uninsured, as you have effectively non-opped it while H is deployed and you are at parents.

 

It sucks when you trust people and they abuse that trust. My sympathies.

[down hearted]

thanks guys, honestly my mind is going 50 miles an hour right now worried about our stuff and been miles and miles away and feeling helpless.Right now am sitting by the phone just waiting for my husband to call me to arrive to a solution with him and see what he tells me, this is so messed up, he is in a deployment and everything just keeps going wrong!! They didn't even ask for permission to use the car thinking we wouldn't find out!! how dare they!

 

Carhill, your right technology is our best option, i will definitely consider it. These people also have huge dogs, they probably take them with them everywhere with nasty animal hair all over my car omg am so upset this is wrong. But i fear how i react is going to be worse for me since they have all of our keys! I am extremely picky with our stuff specially with my car am emotionally attached to it and just picky about who uses it and overall am a clean freak and all these things really piss me off because they had no right to abuse our trust its not right at all, we would never do that. And my husband knows am very picky when it comes to my car and i know for a fact he didn't let them use it because he consults with me before making any decision specially if it were to be about my own car he wouldn't have removed the insurance on it.

Edited November 6, 2013 by down hearted

[Emilia]

thanks guys, honestly my mind is going 50 miles an hour right now worried about our stuff and been miles and miles away and feeling helpless.Right now am sitting by the phone just waiting for my husband to call me to arrive to a solution with him and see what he tells me, this is so messed up, he is in a deployment and everything just keeps going wrong!! They didn't even ask for permission to use the car thinking we wouldn't find out!! how dare they!

 

Carhill, your right technology is our best option, i will definitely consider it. These people also have huge dogs, they probably take them with them everywhere with nasty animal hair all over my car omg am so upset this is wrong. But i fear how i react is going to be worse for me since they have all of our keys!

It would be best if you could sort this by yourself with the help of friends and family and not bother your husband. Let him focus on his deployment.

[SoleMate]

Have you called them and asked what's going on? And told them to stop?

[carhill]

OP, is your current location a great distance from your on-base home, in that getting local to it would take substantial time and/or effort/cost? I ask because such matters, if you choose to keep this 'amongst friends', are IMO best handled in person, face to face, eye to eye. That way a clear assessment can be made and no misunderstandings result.

 

Myself, I'd disable the vehicles and leave it at that, but that involves skills that you may perhaps not have. If reason doesn't appear to work, then move to stronger measures. I agree with another poster that personal contact about this issue is a prudent first step. Give the friends the opportunity to make things right and to do the right thing by you. Good luck.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Do you have any spare car keys a friend or family member can get hold of?

 

They could "steal" your car back when they park somewhere, or disable it or even have it towed. Let the house sitters try to explain that to you..

[down hearted]

Hi everyone thanks so much for your answers it really helped me open my eyes more and more in how to deal with things, unfortunately i can'tt leave my grandparents alone and there is great distance in between from here to my own home, yes and cost wise its pricey, i finally got a hold of my husband according to him he didn't give anybody permission to use our car, he in fact, specified to them that our cars are not to be touched since they do not have insurance by writing in an email which the other person responded agreeing to it. Yet we found out this is not the case with them. My husband is very upset that they did this without and knowingly without our authorization, he is going to contact them and find out what is going on with all this, then the next step he will take is to have him give our keys to one of their higher ups (big bosses) since in military terms you know if something happens they don't take it very lightly, hopefully they won't put up a fight. First and last time this will happen, my husband said to me don't worry i will take care of it, and i know he will. Tomorrow he will let me know whats been going on i can't help but still be worried and how awkward it will be bumping into each other on base later on after all this is set and done but me and my husband really did nothing wrong. I can't believe how much people abuse of trust thats absolutely incredible.

[down hearted]

Do you have any spare car keys a friend or family member can get hold of?

 

They could "steal" your car back when they park somewhere, or disable it or even have it towed. Let the house sitters try to explain that to you..

 

That would be an awesome idea i would love to see their explanation, but i don't! Silly me right? shoulda made spares just when one thinks what for? things begin to just happen when you least expect it now i know they are definitely not trustworthy.

 

SoleMate: i don't have their number i lost it because my cell phone got messed up and deleted all my contacts (i know perfect timing right ugh?) but my husband is getting a hold of them to try and see how he can straighten this mess out.

 

regarding facing this issue in person i HIGHLY agree with this because that is how things should be best handle so that you can prove a point but unfortunately i can't leave my grandparents and my home is quite the distance from where i am right now and not forgetting the price.

 

hopefully i hear from my husband tomorrow wish me luck you guys am really worried i hope our belongings in our own home aren't missing or something now i really don't trust them.

[Balzac]

You sound rather young. I'm concerned about how you concluded that dropping vehicle coverage was a prudent decision. Perhaps you are not using proper terminology?

 

Thanks for your husband's service to our country. Deployment is rough on a young marriage.

[Phoe]

Did you specifically ask them NOT to drive your car?

 

I can understand that it's alarming, but they may have assumed it was okay.

 

 

I housesat for a friend over the summer and she gave me the car keys and said I was welcome to drive her car if I wanted. I didn't because driving other people's cars make me nervous, but I knew it would be okay to do so.

 

 

This person might have just assumed that since they had the keys, it was okay to do so.

[down hearted]

You sound rather young. I'm concerned about how you concluded that dropping vehicle coverage was a prudent decision. Perhaps you are not using proper terminology?

 

Thanks for your husband's service to our country. Deployment is rough on a young marriage.

 

i don't think age has anything to do with it, we just wanted to save money since we would be away from the area for months at a time not using our vehicles at all what so ever, it was just us trying to save up on money on the best ways we could since we were not going to be around by cutting off our insurance until we return then we would put it back on our cars, it was our decision in cutting costs to save while away, including our cable tv internet etc, since we won't be around to use any of it until we return home since you know these expenses are hundreds of dollars each month that we are not there for and can save it in the mean time. We have been married for 8 years already. It was just we were cheated in trusting another to look after our home in case of emergencies only, after my husband specifically specified they are NOT allowed to use our cars, it was off limits and they did anyway.

 

I thank you for your thoughts and respect towards my husband.

 

Phoe:

 

Yes my husband in writing specifically told them that our cars are off limits and that no one is allowed to use them. They couldn't have possibly assumed it was okay if it was stated in writing that it was not okay thats why we are so upset, no one gave them that permission to use and we specified it will be off insurance and they still disregarded our rules and did use my car anyway, his wife is driving it around like its hers. We just gave them our keys in case of emergencies only. I also agree with you driving someone else's vehicle no matter how close we are to me is a huge responsibility and i don't like to do it, in my case though we didn't say it was okay for them to use it we on the contrary said otherwise specifically to not use our cars.

Edited November 7, 2013 by down hearted

[d0nnivain]

downhearted

 

 

I'm glad you were able to get through to your husband & that you have an e-mail telling them not to use the car.

 

 

Let us know how this all turns out.

[down hearted]

d0nnivain:

 

Thankfully my husband called me and we communicated this issue, according to my husband he has been exchanging emails with the co-worker who is supposed to look after our home, my husband forwarded the emails to me, and its in writing my husband specifying that the cars were not to be used and the other individual agreeing to our terms. These emails are not through his personal email but through his work email. good thing we have all this in writing in case something happens. My husband emailed after i told him what happened to find out whats going on and we are still waiting on a response from this individual.

 

Hopefully this gets resolved i hope our things inside the house are okay. I am trying to see if my friend can take a pic since it would have a time stamp on it.

 

we are still waiting on a response from the house sitters.

[down hearted]

I had to vent because this is getting ridiculous and i do not know what to do, my husband finally got a response from the individuals looking after our house and said they weren't driving the car that it was just parked at their house (which really, if your not driving it why isn't it parked in MY house!) anyway after all the red flags in their email my husband told them to hand our keys to my husband's boss) this was last week right, YET my friend texted me today (the one that noticed the car missing in the first place, and told me today that the car is still not at the house AFTER we told them specifically not to use it and to hand in our keys!!! and on a weekend do you honestly think they aren't using it!!

AM so stressed out with this if the car breaks we are screwed (they also emailed us that they are changing base before we LEAVE!!!) so we will not even see them before we leave and i guess they don't care thats why they are doing this, what do i do any advice am freaking out with this issue!) The car still has no insurance!

 

oh and check this out, they have to ship their car since they are leaving and asked if they could use our car until then and my husband said no and they still use it, they are literally not taking us seriously!

Edited November 10, 2013 by down hearted

[d0nnivain]

Call the MPs. You don't have another choice.

[hotgurl]

Report it stolen.

[d0nnivain]

who gives so much trust to COWORKER???????????????

 

 

In honor of Veteran's Day, I feel compelled to point out that the OP's husband & the friend / co-worker are in the military. Presumably these service people put their LIVES in each other hands every time they go out on a mission so in the long run, trusting the other person with some possessions should be a no-brainer.

 

 

Unfortunately the co-worker & his spouse proved unworthy of that trust & I really hope the OPs husband never has to serve in a forward area with this guy again.

[down hearted]

not interested in veteran storys. and i think the OP is grown enough to answer her self. She knows why she did trust who!

 

Hi there, thank you for your valued opinion, and the lack of understanding with the military lifestyle. The military lifestyle is completely different from that of a civilian lifestyle. Military does not take as lightly and are more strict than the civilian therefore as a service member your not that dumb to mess with anything on base because the consequences are not very forgiving. There is no family around where we live, and we are required to leave the keys with someone since we live on base you just have to in case something were to happen. This "co-worker" my husband has known for years and we did consider them our friends, my other friend who passed by is actually a little on the wild side that is why we decided to leave the keys with the married couple instead of her since we honestly did feel they were reliable and serious individuals obviously they proved to be unreliable.

 

There is no need to judge, and i agree with donnivain, unless you live this life is hard to understand, because its a big family like atmosphere although nobody is related because we all live together, go to events together, share bbqs, parties, and when our husbands are deployed together we stick together to help each other, its just a different type of lifestyle and we all know each other. So its not just a co-worker there is no need to be rude.

 

obviously, he abused our trust since he felt comfortable with our friendship to use our cars, but this is still not right. Also, a family member won't be able to stay on base if one of us is not there since they don't have permission. and i was not judging anybody based on their wealth, i was simply saying that they have their own car to drive and that there is no excuse for them to use my car when they ave a brand new car, that has nothing to do with wealth am just saying they have their own car why use mines. I didn't say anything about trusting them based on wealth to look after our home, i don't know were you got that information from. She didn't take a picture because the other individual confirmed that they did in fact use it, are you sure you read my thread?

Edited November 11, 2013 by down hearted