Why is my friend treating me this way? Is he controlling?

[GG3]

My friend is an older male married friend, an ex-coworker that I met about 6 years ago. Our friendship has been primarily a email pen-pal relationship. We have never dated, flirted or had anything sexual. It is strictly platonic.

 

There have been times in our friendship that we have quit speaking for a while. Sometimes it is an unsaid break on both our parts. I feel like he picks at me and I will back off for a while and we stop emailing. The things that he has picked at tend to be my likes and dislikes. We actually went through a phase where he was obsessed with "fixing" me. And the things he was trying to fix were things such as...he thinks I shouldn't buy clothes online...my likes and dislikes for cars...just basic likes and dislikes that aren't "wrong." They just aren't what he thinks they should be if that makes sense. He apologized to me during that and admitted that he had a problem.

 

Sometimes I have confided in him if I am dating someone or meet people. I just recently made a friends with benefits type arrangement with a friend that I was attracted to. I would like to date the guy, but he just went through a divorce and isn't the most emotionally available person. I also think the guy is trying to be a player. I knew going in that it would probably be just sex, but knowing that up front, I was okay with it. He has not mislead me or tried to trick me at all. This guy and I had developed a friendship over 3 months that I really liked. The problem with the hookup arrangement was that it became clear afterwards that he was expecting the hookups to be on his terms, on his schedule and convenience, and also he would avoid speaking to me for a week afterwards. I had expected us to still be friends, but clearly he is trying to keep me at a distance and yet contact me close to a wanted encounter. If I had known this was going to be the case, I would never have done it and kept the friendship. My feelings are hurt and I do feel used. I have basically started to fix the situation by avoiding the guy and just always be busy if he wants to hookup, and hoping that eventually we can be friends again without sex.

 

I confided in my friend what happened, and he insisted that women cannot have sex with men without developing the emotions. He INSISTED that I have developed emotions for this guy and that I am upset and told me "You will never have a relationship with this guy. You need to move on." I told him, "I wasn't trying to have a relationship with him. It was just a hookup arrangement." Then my "friend" fired back at me, "You never will. You aren't compatible. Move on." There are more emails to this but for the most part they were all commanding me to end it and insisting that I had feelings for this guy and that he isn't into me like I want and "women cannot have sex without the emotions."

 

I took the time to write a long email explaining that just because I was upset about how I was treated after having sex with someone doesn't automatically mean I had feelings for the guy. If any friend sex or no sex quit speaking to you for no reason and wasn't very nice to you, you'd be upset. That's just basic friendship. I also said that any person who wants something from you on their terms would make most people mad and once again...that doesn't make me an emotional female. My "friend" did not respond or acknowledge my email. I wrote him again and said he needed to apologize and realize that he is not always right. He wrote back and said, "Maybe I was being mean to you. Sorry." That's it. Not even open to listening to all I had to say I guess or admit that maybe he was wrong or rude.

 

I know reading this is probably looks like he was just trying to get me to say whether or not I have feelings for this guy or some weird jealousy but I don't think that's it. I think he was just picking on me and insisting I was being an emotional female.

 

Is this person just a controlling friend?