Jump to content

I think I have feelings for my best friend :-/


LadyLove02

Recommended Posts

I am a female and he is a male. We have been good friends for about 6-7 years but have been spending more time together this summer than we ever have before. We talk every single day and have been seeing each other at least a couple times a week and lately I've been spending the night at his house, sleeping in bed together and everything. We tell each other we miss and love each other all the time but we have never flirted or openly expressed any feelings more than friends for each other. I am so confused because sometimes I feel like I like him more than a friend. Sometimes I even fantasize/wish that when we are laying in bed about to go to sleep he would just wrap his arm around me and hold me... but nope no contact whatsoever. Bur then again I know I would totally freak out if he actually did that because I'm scared that if we ever did become romantic with each other we'd lose this amazing friendship that we have right now. I'm also wondering if he is secretly dealing with the same battle with feelings for me. He makes me feel special when he tells me I'm the only person he would do this and that for, but other than that he has never indicated to me that he may have feelings for me. What do you think I should do? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? What did you do and how did it turn out?

 

Thank you! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

We all have. In fact, most men and women friendships usually end over something like this - one side gets feelings and then longs for the other to do the same.

 

You have a few choices to make. First, if you're not okay with just being his friend, you can talk to him and tell him your feelings and see if he is having the same. The downside is, if he only sees you as a sister type girl, you will get hurt. Your friendship will likely end.

 

Second, you can not say anything and continue as you are, but he may find someone else to date and you'll get hurt.

 

I'd recommend talking to him unless you can handle never dating him and potentially watching him find someone else. If he rejects you as a romantic partner, I'd recommend leaving the friendship entirely. You'll only hurt yourself by staying in knowing you have no chance with him, especially if he finds love with someone else. Don't do that to yourself.

 

It's never easy to end a 7 year friendship either. I just lost a girl who I was friends with over a stupid argument and we were only friends for a year, and it hurts badly. But I think in the long run its the right decision.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It can just happen naturally, becoming emotionally attached to someone when you spend a lot of time with them and also have sleepovers, even if not sexual.

 

If you want to keep the friendship, you need to detach from him and spend less time with him until your feelings are in check.

 

Whatever you do, do not discuss this with him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
It can just happen naturally, becoming emotionally attached to someone when you spend a lot of time with them and also have sleepovers, even if not sexual.

 

If you want to keep the friendship, you need to detach from him and spend less time with him until your feelings are in check.

 

Whatever you do, do not discuss this with him.

 

She should if she feels she cannot handle a friendship with him anymore. That, or she needs to simply pull away and detach herself from him, which will eventually cause him to be suspicious.

 

Either way, once one side catches feelings, it will never be the same, and it always happens because it's only natural to get emotionally attached to someone you spend a lot of time with.

 

It's difficult to come back from that unless both sides have mutual feelings.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Aaaah how I wish my female best friend had these feelings for me.

Since you are so good friends with him, I think discussing it with him could lead to something. And if you see it doesn't lead to something, just say you were joking or something.

Link to post
Share on other sites
What do you think I should do? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? What did you do and how did it turn out?

 

Thank you! :)

How attractive are you physically relative to him?

 

If you're hot compared to him, chances are he probably wants to bang you but hasn't worked up the balls to make a move

 

If you're both rather homely, it's hard to say

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is one of the hardest things...

 

I don't know what to say to help you make any decision.

 

 

In my case we'd been friends since we were kids. He had a crush on me in high school, I was taken. I developed feelings after college and he rejected me.

 

 

We're no longer friends. I not only lost someone who I had started envisioning spending my life with, but I lost my best friend, my childhood friend. I'm nearly in tears just thinking about it =/

 

 

Whatever you do, tread carefully, and think on it. Do not rush any decision.

Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue
I think discussing it with him could lead to something. And if you see it doesn't lead to something, just say you were joking or something.

 

 

that would be lame to say you were joking if you told him and he rejected you......and not very believable when you are an adult......you have to own it...been through this...and its extremely awkward for both parties i feel...i feel for the guy i told last year, must have been extremely awkward for him too...as awkward as i felt saying it, he felt probably hearing it...he wasnt my best friend even......it was a guy i developed feelings for ....... the best thing to do is once you tell him, if its a no sorry ........ break contact....other wise its torture if you continue to have feelings and continue to see him.........maybe the friendship can get back on track at a later stage when the feelings you have, become platonic...if they ever do...i have found they dont and actually intensify with contact with no contact....you can hoepfully let them go........i wish you well.....

 

 

do tell him see where it goes.....you havent really got a friendship once attraction develops, it becomes a one sided relationship ...you have internally unable to deal with it , not fulfilling......not fun...trust me.......I hope it works out for you and that whatever happens you are happy.....good luck...deb

Edited by todreaminblue
Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate to say it, but this is going to end one of three ways:

 

1) you confess your attraction, he feels the same, and you embark on a romantic relationship

2) you confess your attraction, he does not feel the same, and your platonic relationship is ruined (I'm sorry but you can't go back after that unless you spend a long time apart and try to mend fences)

3) you do nothing and the attraction either fades away (please give it a few more months before deciding if it's gone or not) or you remain friends with him and suffer through it

 

Consider this: how much of a great friend is he? Is that friendship worth gambling over a lustful feeling you have that might only be temporary? I'm a woman who's had feelings for her male friends, and 99% of the time, those feelings went away after a while. Maybe it's just a normal thing for friends of the opposite sex?

 

My advice is to test the waters. However you go about it, do whatever would raise the fewest number of red flags to him... like don't just blurt out "Hey, you know sometimes friends become more than that, what do you think?" Maybe try something like a small boo-hoo moment about being single and why boys don't want you and see if he just brushes you off with "oh don't worry, you'll meet someone" or if he's interested in really pointing out your good points. Or tell him a long-ish story about a couple (make them up or use celebrities if you need to) who were friends for a long time and then got together, and say "Imagine if that was us? Could you picture it?" while laughing at bit to see if he completely blows that idea off or seems interested at all.

 

One I've tried that actually worked: "If you didn't know me before we were friends, would you have asked me out?"

 

But come up with your own ideas, bc all guys are different and what I've suggested might not be a good match for him.

 

Best of luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites
It can just happen naturally, becoming emotionally attached to someone when you spend a lot of time with them and also have sleepovers, even if not sexual.

 

This is very true, oftentimes (especially with younger people) a certain kind of love can form just from being very close with a friend. I've been so close to a few girlfriends before I actually questioned if I was gay (I'm not). I had to take a step back and look at what was happening before I realized I wasn't sexually attracted to them, just really, really close and comfortable. Try to figure that out first.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...