Hanging about With a Guy Friend That Likes You

[Mariibabii]

We've been friends for two years. After I broke up with my 1st ex he told me that he liked me. I told him, not interested. We remained friends.

 

I dated another guy for a few months, he felt hurt but we still remained friends. After I broke up with second ex, he still wanted me to give him a chance. I told him I'm not going to date for a while and that I wasnt looking.

 

Now he wants to go to the movies. I told him I would go but I don't want it to be a date or perceived as one. I just wanted to get out of the house and catch up. I told him over and over I'm not looking for a new boyfriend. We've hung out twice since we last worked together but both in groups.

 

I even wanted to drive and meet him there so it doesn't come off as "date ish".

 

Should I go, knowing that he likes me?

He will probably think its a date, huh?

Will a man chase a woman for years just for sex?

[farva2]

If this dude is still hitting you up then ya he still likes you. That's probably not going to change until he finds someone else. If you still want to hang out with him just do your best to avoid all things romantic, drive separately, don't let him pay for stuff, etc. To answer these

 

Should I go, knowing that he likes me?

A:If you enjoy his company then sure, why not.

He will probably think its a date, huh?

A:Just dont let it seem like a date and be careful in wording your texts and such, anything that would lead him on or that he can cling to and possible consider as a "sign". (I'd love to!, can't wait to see you!, (:, etc).

Will a man chase a woman for years just for sex?

A:Certainly, but most guys will just move onto someone else and give up after a while. If this has been going on for a while then he probably genuinely likes you and is interested in more then just sex.

Just curious, why are you not interested in the guy?

[Mariibabii]

If this dude is still hitting you up then ya he still likes you. That's probably not going to change until he finds someone else. If you still want to hang out with him just do your best to avoid all things romantic, drive separately, don't let him pay for stuff, etc. To answer these

 

Should I go, knowing that he likes me?

A:If you enjoy his company then sure, why not.

He will probably think its a date, huh?

A:Just dont let it seem like a date and be careful in wording your texts and such, anything that would lead him on or that he can cling to and possible consider as a "sign". (I'd love to!, can't wait to see you!, (:, etc).

Will a man chase a woman for years just for sex?

A:Certainly, but most guys will just move onto someone else and give up after a while. If this has been going on for a while then he probably genuinely likes you and is interested in more then just sex.

Just curious, why are you not interested in the guy?

 

I just get a vibe based on past things hes said that he's trying to make me a notch in his belt. Its hard to tell whether he's joking or not based on his sense of humor. I've had other guy friends try to make me their "token ethnic girl hook up" and I lost some friends that way.

It might be futile but I've always wanted to have guy friends who are JUST FRIENDS.

 

He's a smart, funny guy and I've tried to give him dating advice, we talk for at least an hour a week on the phone.

 

I wish the best for him and I hope he finds someone who likes him as much as he likes them. I always encourage him when he tells me hes talking to a girl but these attempts never turn into a relationship. I always want to help because he's helped me in the past.

 

Also, he always mentions how much money he's making. Its a pretty big check. I know how much money he gets paid a week and bonuses ... is that supposed to be just talk or to impress me? We used to work for a company where paychecks were known to everyone so maybe that's it?

[ThatGuy84]

You're unfortunately in the position of being in denial at the fact that you want to believe he will eventually get over it, so that you can keep your best friend around. Unfortunately the human heart is a strange thing and only absence from the person it yearns for is going to allow for the feelings to one day fade away.

 

Which means that the more you spend time with him the more he will continue to pursue you and act up around you; your decision will be to either accept and put up with the constant awkwardness (which will prove exhausting), or create distance between yourselves and become 'old friends' as you grow apart, allowing him to move on with his life and you being free from that "white elephant" looming in the corner, constantly gnawing away at your conscience.

 

I can understand that you probably just want that guy friend to count on and be there for you, and he likely wants that girl friend who he can care for and protect as is our manly nature;but perhaps then you're that awesome girl in his eyes where he sees all the good in you and wants to show his appreciation for you in all the ways that he possibly can... could you really then blame him for doing anything wrong or reacting "inappropriately"?

 

Whatever your decision; be considerate and compassionate in your approach; he has a heart too. I've seen what this kind of rejection (unfortunately, but it is what it is) does to a man; and also what the correct approach can do for him in a positive way. At the end of the day we all want our loved ones to be happy, a friend that's into you should be treated no different and shouldn't be ignored or steered clear from just because of his natural instinct to want to love someone he cares for.

[Mariibabii]

Honestly I'm not trying to hold him back.

The whole excursion is tomorrow so I'm deciding whether to go or not. I don't want to be a jerk and cancel but it looks like I won't be able to drive up there. He'll volunteer to pick me up and things will seem too much like a date.

 

My brother thinks I shouldn't go because he'll think its a date and I won't therefore encouraging him to further pursue me.

[Avulare]

If this dude is still hitting you up then ya he still likes you. That's probably not going to change until he finds someone else. If you still want to hang out with him just do your best to avoid all things romantic, drive separately, don't let him pay for stuff, etc. To answer these

 

Should I go, knowing that he likes me?

A:If you enjoy his company then sure, why not.

He will probably think its a date, huh?

A:Just dont let it seem like a date and be careful in wording your texts and such, anything that would lead him on or that he can cling to and possible consider as a "sign". (I'd love to!, can't wait to see you!, (:, etc).

Will a man chase a woman for years just for sex?

A:Certainly, but most guys will just move onto someone else and give up after a while. If this has been going on for a while then he probably genuinely likes you and is interested in more then just sex.

Just curious, why are you not interested in the guy?

Agree with this. I was in a similar situation for about a year recently... Met a guy in an academic group of which I was a part, and he took an interest in me immediately, sending me a FB message the next day saying we should hang out (it was apparent by the way he acted around me though that he wanted more than to just hang out). He's a nice guy and all, but I have zero physical attraction to him, primarily because of his weight (and he had no interest in losing weight). I told him very clearly that I'd like to hang out with him but I'm not interested in being more than friends. Surprisingly, he said that was cool and we became friends, and I even helped him with his research.

 

It was obvious that he was still interested in me the whole time, however, so here are some things I did to avoid sending the wrong signals. First of all, avoid hanging out with him one-on-one too much. Go in groups of friends if you can and also hang out with other people one-on-one so he doesn't come to believe you're devoting most of your time to him. Don't confide in him your emotional/relationship problems. Him listening to how you're not doing well in the relationship arena or "can't find a man" is probably not what he wants to hear, and it may cause him to start pushing for something romantic between you guys again. It sounds harsh, but don't let him be a shoulder you can cry on even if he wants that. Don't hand out compliments that he might misconstrue as interest on your part - in my case, the friend would always find different ways to compliment me or say I was attractive, I thanked him but did not return the action. Absolutely no flirting of any kind.

 

Ironically, while I was trying to fend him off, he'd periodically get laid while I haven't had sex in a year and am desperate. He's since moved across the country though, so while I'll miss his friendship, part of it is also a relief.

[Mariibabii]

Seriously. Let him go. You not doing either of you any favors by dragging this out. He's not going to give up hope, and you're basically stringing him along.

 

Cut the contact with him and let him move on with his life. Stop being selfish and keeping him around as an ego boost.

 

Hell I'm not forcing him to call me every week. And I'm definitely not being selfish. Such assumption! I'm not leading him on, no ego boost either, not flirting. Nobody has a gun to anyone's head. Other than being a good friend, the reason I don't just cut off all ties is because he told me everyone just leaves him. People who he thought were friends, family members, just leave. I didn't want to do that.

[WordvAction]

Hell I'm not forcing him to call me every week. And I'm definitely not being selfish. Such assumption! I'm not leading him on, no ego boost either, not flirting. Nobody has a gun to anyone's head. Other than being a good friend, the reason I don't just cut off all ties is because he told me everyone just leaves him. People who he thought were friends, family members, just leave. I didn't want to do that.

 

Both of you are just building a disaster. The friendship is already over. He's obsessed with you, and you feed into it by responding (even if you're not flirting, you talking with him for an hour is certainly feeding his desire for you).

 

No, you shouldn't go to the movies with him, and yes you should start cutting off contact with him. Don't answer calls, don't respond to all text messages, and he'll get the point eventually.

 

LOL on him saying everyone leaves him. I'm calling BS on that as a way to have you feel bad so you keep talking to him; or maybe he had a crush on all his family and friends too.

[Mariibabii]

UPDATE: Well I called him and cancelled the movie trip planned for yesterday.

 

 

I swear, this is becoming a problem for me. A lot of my guy friends want fwb or to date.

Edited August 18, 2013 by Mariibabii