butterfly_dance Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 My best friend suffers from depression and is in a relationship with an addict. I've noticed a change in her in the last couple of months - mood swings from snapping at me, being rude then withdrawing. In recent weeks I haven't heard from her very much. She used to message me every day and we would catch up a few times a week. I have made contact with her and all I get is that she is busy, yet I see her post updates on Facebook, which confuses me. I have done a lot for her - at times it feels like it is a one sided friendship as I have given her little gifts to make her smile, bought her lunches, coffee etc. I don't get much in return. She has been there for me at times when I have needed her, but then goes quiet. It is confusing and frustrating for me. I fully understand her illness and have researched ways to help her. I've done everything I can. I feel bad for thinking she has taken advantage of me, but I can help but think that. I'm at the point of walking away Is this typical behavior of someone suffering from depression/social anxiety and possible bipolar II disorder? Would really appreciate some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Sounds like classic codependency. Link to post Share on other sites
Author butterfly_dance Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 Thanks for the reply Yes, definitely codependent as well. In this case would she not realize the damage she is doing to our friendship? I assume codependents are so consumed with their own issues to worry about others. I just can't help but wonder if she does use me to get what she needs i.e. emotional support, comfort, etc as she does not get that at home. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Thanks for the reply Yes, definitely codependent as well. In this case would she not realize the damage she is doing to our friendship? I assume codependents are so consumed with their own issues to worry about others. I just can't help but wonder if she does use me to get what she needs i.e. emotional support, comfort, etc as she does not get that at home. Codependency is a two-way relationship. You are just as much part of it the dynamic as she is. Your sacrifices and putting your needs on hold. That's codependency. Link to post Share on other sites
Author butterfly_dance Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 Very true. Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brunettie Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 This is almost exactly what I'm dealing with right now as well. I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe just continue to send her a message every now and again, while maintaining and building other friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author butterfly_dance Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Thanks Brunettie. It's nice to know others are going through the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
GG3 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Sometimes people just go through things. I think we've all been there. I agree to stop making sacrifices and put your needs on hold because it's making you resentful. Having a depressed friend is very hard to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author butterfly_dance Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 Thanks GG3. Yes, it is difficult and frustrating, but you are right... it's time to take care of me now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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