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All my friends are getting married....


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So this is probably more of a rant/vent than request for advice, but you're all welcome to give me some if you like.

 

I have a small group of close friends who I consider to be almost family.

Out of us 7 girls, 5 are either engaged or already married. There is just one other single apart from me, and she's always busy with a job that is her life.

Don't get me wrong, I love them all to pieces and am so so happy for them, but it seems like they're all moving on with their lives while I continue to live in this silly single world. I'm finding it harder and harder to catch up with them because they're doing homely things with their partner, or having a baby, or renovating, or planning the wedding.... blah blah.

I feel a big distance growing between them and myself because their lives are moving in different directions and it's starting to hurt.

I haven't mentioned this to them because it will just make things awkward. I'll feel as though they are spending more time with me because I complained and that it's pity time.

 

I do, of course, have other friends. But I've shifted a lot of people out of my life who I don't think are good for me. I don't regret those decisions at all and would prefer to keep the small group of great friends I do have than to have loads who don't really care.

 

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has come to this crossroads in their life. I'm just not sure how to deal with it or where to go from here.

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Let them live their lives and you live yours. It's not a competition.

 

This is really not helpful.

 

I know it's not a competition, I never said it was..

It's not about letting them do anything, it's about the growing distance of friendships that have lasted 15/20 years.

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This is really not helpful.

 

I know it's not a competition, I never said it was..

It's not about letting them do anything, it's about the growing distance of friendships that have lasted 15/20 years.

 

People move in different directions as time goes on. It happens to everybody.

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People move in different directions as time goes on. It happens to everybody.

 

Jeez Woggle..

Thanks for all your input here. You've been really helpful.

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How about some real advice?

 

I am at the point where a lot of my close friends are having kids and buying a house and settling down.

 

A few of us are left who are recently married with no kids or single. My circle of friends have dwindled some due to differences. I don't take it personal though.

 

You may want to consider going out more and trying to expand your social circle with people more like you.

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Jeez Woggle..

Thanks for all your input here. You've been really helpful.

 

What else do you want me to say? It's a natural part of life.

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What else do you want me to say? It's a natural part of life.

 

I'd really prefer it if you said nothing.

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it's about the growing distance of friendships that have lasted 15/20 years.

 

I have learned to deal with the drifting apart but for me I am more of a homebody.

 

You will have to adjust to seeing them less often or like I mentioned before going out and filling the voids with people who you have more in common with.

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How about some real advice?

 

I am at the point where a lot of my close friends are having kids and buying a house and settling down.

 

A few of us are left who are recently married with no kids or single. My circle of friends have dwindled some due to differences. I don't take it personal though.

 

You may want to consider going out more and trying to expand your social circle with people more like you.

 

Thanks P :)

 

I try not to take it personal because I know they still love me and probably don't even realise how it makes me feel.

I do need to try and get out more, but when the majority of my friends are in the situation where they don't want to it's hard. I do it when I can but I also have to deal with being shy and feeling uncomfortable around new people.

 

I'm just having one of those days I guess, where it all seems much worse than it really is.

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Thanks P :)

 

I try not to take it personal because I know they still love me and probably don't even realise how it makes me feel.

I do need to try and get out more, but when the majority of my friends are in the situation where they don't want to it's hard. I do it when I can but I also have to deal with being shy and feeling uncomfortable around new people.

 

I'm just having one of those days I guess, where it all seems much worse than it really is.

 

How often does your mum or dad see their friends? I'd imagine that it isn't as often as it was when they were 25ish.

 

Adaptation is key

 

I deal with being uncomfortable by not doing it.:p

 

I'll give Kitty Glitter a call and you two can hit up the mean streets of Perth this weekend.

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How often does your mum or dad see their friends? I'd imagine that it isn't as often as it was when they were 25ish.

 

Adaptation is key

 

I deal with being uncomfortable by not doing it.:p

 

I'll give Kitty Glitter a call and you two can hit up the mean streets of Perth this weekend.

 

My parents have friends?

 

I know adaption is key. I guess I struggle because they have the things to help them move to that next phase of their lives (partners, houses, babies) and I don't. Part of it is jealousy, I'm not ashamed to admit that.

 

I'm learning to get better at being uncomfortable. I need to in order to push forward because things can't stay the way they are.

 

I saw KG last night and she's busy this weekend too :(

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My parents have friends?

 

I know adaption is key. I guess I struggle because they have the things to help them move to that next phase of their lives (partners, houses, babies) and I don't. Part of it is jealousy, I'm not ashamed to admit that.

 

I'm learning to get better at being uncomfortable. I need to in order to push forward because things can't stay the way they are.

 

I saw KG last night and she's busy this weekend too :(

 

Oh don't be jealous. You have NOTHING to worry about. Your time will come. There always has to be the last person in the group and that must be you.

 

One day at a time Lani.

 

He Lani......he.

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Oh don't be jealous. You have NOTHING to worry about. Your time will come. There always has to be the last person in the group and that must be you.

 

One day at a time Lani.

 

He Lani......he.

 

I thought this was a giggle with my name in the middle :laugh:

 

I know my time will come, I just have to be patient and blah blah.

These are all things I know but sometimes my rationality takes a turn and I feel sh*tty. Things will look better soon enough I'm sure :)

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I thought this was a giggle with my name in the middle :laugh:

 

I know my time will come, I just have to be patient and blah blah.

These are all things I know but sometimes my rationality takes a turn and I feel sh*tty. Things will look better soon enough I'm sure :)

 

Well as long as you realize that you are talking like a crazy person then we are good.

 

he he Lani he he

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I totally get how it feels.

 

I know this sounds rather pessimistic, but I've had that happen with virtually all of my childhood friends already, in one way or another. In some cases, it was me who had to move forward (for career/relationship), thus necessitating leaving them behind. And in some cases it was them leaving me. Either way, I think it's hard for most people to hold on to old friendships for life. Things change, people change, and while it does suck, unfortunately I can't see any way around it.

 

My social circle has changed and evolved a lot over the years, partially due to geographical location, and partially due to stage in life. I regret that sometimes, but that's the way things go I guess.

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amaysngrace

I think you should take up a hobby and deal with being shy by going it alone.

 

Don't let anything or anyone hold you back, Lani, least of all yourself.

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I totally get how it feels.

 

I know this sounds rather pessimistic, but I've had that happen with virtually all of my childhood friends already, in one way or another. In some cases, it was me who had to move forward (for career/relationship), thus necessitating leaving them behind. And in some cases it was them leaving me. Either way, I think it's hard for most people to hold on to old friendships for life. Things change, people change, and while it does suck, unfortunately I can't see any way around it.

 

My social circle has changed and evolved a lot over the years, partially due to geographical location, and partially due to stage in life. I regret that sometimes, but that's the way things go I guess.

 

Thanks Els...

It's just difficult to accept that I'm one the one being left behind. Being on the other side, and being the one moving forward, I think would be easier to accept. Most of the time it just feels like I'm lagging and that's tough.

 

But you're right, it's part of life. I've gone through far worse things than feeling distanced from my friends so I know I can move through this. I guess I just don't want to :o

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I think you should take up a hobby and deal with being shy by going it alone.

 

Don't let anything or anyone hold you back, Lani, least of all yourself.

 

I'm so guilty of self fulfilling negativity (Archies words, she always pulls me up on it :o) so I know that's something I need to work on.

This whole thing may be a blessing and I'll come out of it a better, more confident person. Who knows what the future holds huh?

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Thanks Els...

It's just difficult to accept that I'm one the one being left behind. Being on the other side, and being the one moving forward, I think would be easier to accept. Most of the time it just feels like I'm lagging and that's tough.

 

But you're right, it's part of life. I've gone through far worse things than feeling distanced from my friends so I know I can move through this. I guess I just don't want to :o

 

Well, I used the 'forward' and 'behind' as a figure of speech. :o

 

I think society has pushed into our heads ideals of 'what stage of life we should be at' at a certain age, y'know? And it's hard not to conform to that. But really, is there any meaning in it? People who marry sometimes divorce. And people who are single sometimes marry. People with careers sometimes lose them or drop them for various reasons. And people 'lagging behind' in careers sometimes find something wonderful for themselves. Rather than a linear flight of stairs, I tend to view life as more analogous to a wheel. :laugh:

 

I'm rambling a little, I know, but I hope it helps.

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amaysngrace
I'm so guilty of self fulfilling negativity (Archies words, she always pulls me up on it :o) so I know that's something I need to work on.

This whole thing may be a blessing and I'll come out of it a better, more confident person. Who knows what the future holds huh?

 

There's good things in store for you, I'm sure of it!

 

Is there any class that interests you? Not for educational purposes but just out of sheer interest alone? Most people don't do that in a group. And it can help you branch out while doing something that you enjoy doing.

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Well, I used the 'forward' and 'behind' as a figure of speech. :o

 

I think society has pushed into our heads ideals of 'what stage of life we should be at' at a certain age, y'know? And it's hard not to conform to that. But really, is there any meaning in it? People who marry sometimes divorce. And people who are single sometimes marry. People with careers sometimes lose them or drop them for various reasons. And people 'lagging behind' in careers sometimes find something wonderful for themselves. Rather than a linear flight of stairs, I tend to view life as more analogous to a wheel. :laugh:

 

I'm rambling a little, I know, but I hope it helps.

 

I knew what you meant, but it worked in the sense that I do feel as though I'm left behind. It's just more than I haven't found my 'thing' yet, and although it may happen later for me it might be stronger and last longer than others.

It's definitely more of a wheel, sometimes we just get stuck under it for a little bit :laugh:

 

I ramble. It helps :)

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There's good things in store for you, I'm sure of it!

 

Is there any class that interests you? Not for educational purposes but just out of sheer interest alone? Most people don't do that in a group. And it can help you branch out while doing something that you enjoy doing.

 

Thanks Amay :)

 

I've never really explored anything for my own personal enjoyment like that. It's never felt necessary or like there was anything missing from my life. But I think now might be the time to get started on developing myself and those things that make me happy.

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whichwayisup

The friendship will change and evolve into a new type of friendship. Yes, you all can still make time for one another (after their weddings) and be together, either as a group or one on one.

 

Be positive! It's exciting that you'll be seen as an "aunty" or god mother to their kids one day.. Sharing and being in each others daily lives will still happen, it'll just be different and new.

 

DO talk to your friends and let them know how much you love them and how important they are to you. Stay in touch and involved with him, even if it means for a little while you make more effort (may seem like they don't).

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I didn't read all your posts.

 

I had to attend single to many of my friends weddings while others arrived as couples.

 

Once your friends settle down, they'll have their own problems houses, kids, education etc. Don't be surprised if they don't stay in touch with you as before. When you settle down with somebody the same would happen.

 

You are still single, this adds to the reason why you desperately miss them. Once you settle down you won't miss them this much.

 

Then you'll maintain friendships as families and not as individuals.

 

In short, friendship would be so close with each other as long as you are single, IMO.

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