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Would you be wary of this friend's behaviour?


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I can't quite put my finger on it, but something feels off. I don't see this friend often, as she is out of town, but I usually see her when I visit and we share some of the same friends.

 

She is one of the sweetest people I know. I don't think I've ever heard her say a rude thing to anyone. We used to get along extremely well. Over the past couple of years, though, she will sometimes make offhand comments or ask questions that rub me the wrong way. For example, one time she was filling me in on what was going on with our other friends, since I hadn't seen them in a while. She told me our one friend is doing really well with her job and with this and with that "but I think she's really lonely." It caught me off guard when she said that. I already knew she had been dating men without much success, so I pretty much figured she didn't feel good about it. To actually hear someone say "she's lonely" made me feel uncomfortable.

 

Then she asked me about my best friend, whom she doesn't keep in touch with. I told her she was doing well, and mentioned the good things going on for her. She asked me "do you think she's happy?" This threw me off too! I told her "I think it's really hard to know for sure whether someone else is happy or not, but as far as I can tell yeah I think she is." She asked me again "so is she happy?" And I avoided the question. I didn't want to tell her that my friend had just had a brutal breakup and wasn't doing well. She is very private about her love life. I've been friends with her for over 15 years and only last year did she finally confide in me about her dating life. I wasn't about to blow that trust. Anyway, even if my friend wasn't a private person, that question still would have bothered me. It didn't feel right.

 

Those are the main examples I can think of. Last time I saw her, if we lapsed into silence she would ask me "what are you thinking?" and I would tell her nothing, but she would keep asking. I didn't like that either.

 

I don't trust people as easily as I used to, so maybe we aren't compatible anymore as friends. I've changed a lot. I don't know if she's always been this way and I never noticed it before, or if this is new for her. My gut tells me something isn't right.

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very normal psychologist, sociologist, deep thinkers, writers, activist, people like that ask these things all the time and wonder about the life and feelings of others,sometimes even preferring talking about the feelings of others over their own. she may not be one but that doesn't mean she doesn't has the same interest ass one and thinks like one, its a type of personality. As long as she doesn't make gossip or something negative I don't see whats wrong.

But if feel uncomfortable just say i don't like to talk about others.

Edited by askelina
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Okay maybe it is a personality trait. However, it still bothers me. it makes me wonder what she'll say about me to others. I don't think she means it in a backstabbing way or in a meanspirited way, but if she'll openly ask if my friend is happy or not, and bluntly tell me someone else is lonely, what will she say about me? I've been depressed and lonely for a while now. I can't stand the idea of anyone saying "wow, SpiralOut seems sad and lonely, just so you know!" It feels intrusive. I am not a psychological study to be talked about in that way. There are certain things you just don't say out loud, or at least that's how I see things.

Edited by SpiralOut
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