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I want to be best friends again. What dο Ι dο?


sadaggouri

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Ι hope this isn't considered a duplicate thread of the other I made here.

 

Hello,

I have posted my story here but here's a sum up (kind of )

 

I was best friends with a girl for 8 months and I liked her since the first time I saw her but didn't want to tell her. She was always telling me her guy problems and I got hurt by that and without realising it I was creating fake problems and whining to her about them to get her attention(I really felt like not myself). One night I whined her so much about a fake problem I had with a supposed girl I liked but didn't stand a chance. I whined so bad she decided to distance herself the next day. I realised that and did the classic . I begged and pleaded her so badly(like called her 19 times wooow) and as always happens in such situations, it didn't work. I was forced to go NC cause she blocked me on Fb however 2 weeks after the quarrel she broke it by asking how my sister wrote on some important finals she had. I was happy to see she was interested however during these 2 weeks I was preparing her a letter to finally let her know how I feel about her and so I did one week later. I don't really know if I did good I told her or not. I feel that if I just gave her from the beginning more time we would make up and wouldn't be her writing these. Anyway, after I told her I was in love with her we had a conversation (fb) , she told me that she knew what her position is(her mind is on another guy etc) and generally she was talking with very very short replies. From then until now, I had no other choice than to give her some space in hope she might change her mind. She has gone offline on chat for me however she unblocked again last week. I've learned she's talking with the guy she liked a lot but has turned her off. 4 days later I told her how I felt, I got informed from a mutual friend that she did not feel comfortable to hang out with me anymore because I liked her.

 

During this NC period(1 month after I told her up to today), I sat and thought what I did wrong and this relationship collapsed. I said to myself , if I wasn't trying to find childish ways to get her attention and if I was a bit more nonchalant after the split, this thing would have had a happy end, plus I wouldn't be forced to tell her how I really feel in order not to lose this friendship.

 

The reason I am posting this is because I think NC doesn't really help me. Every day seems worse, especially this week where I was ill. I know you use NC for when you do not want to reconcile but I only want to be friends with her again . Yes I prefer to be friendzoned than not talk to her at all, I am such a douchebag. I am thinking to chat with her online and tell her something like " I know I did some mistakes to get your attention and I have realised these and I can tell you I have completely changed as I have moved on with my life. However I do not want to just tell you that I've changed I want you to see that by yourself , if you want to. But you will be thinking "he likes me I cannot hang out with him I don't feel comfortable" , well guess what. This whole period that we were not talking, you managed to make me think of you in a way and fortunatelly for you I guess (lol) I fell out of love with you. That does not mean however I do not want you in my life. When we were friends you really helped me a lot in many aspects of my life. I think I also did that too. It doesn't hurt me anymore to hear about your guy problems. I've moved on with my life and I am also interested other girls I've recently met."

 

Okay this looks a bit too beggar-ish but I'll try to fix it up. But should I break NC for this if I only want to reconnect? Honestly, I would give everything just to her back ONLY as friend nothing more, nothing less. The fact however she hasn't broke NC tells me that she has forgotten me and moved on with her life. Is it a good idea to contact her or should I just give it a little bit more time?

 

Thanks.

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  • 2 weeks later...
WordvAction

I knew you were under 18 because these were the same things I thought when I was under 18.

 

1.) You don't miss her friendship. You're infatuated by this girl and nothing more. While you're around her you feel great, and when you're not, you don't feel nearly as great, and you're addicted to that feeling of her. Standard for someone your age, but you should leave it NC and not get in touch with her.

 

2.) Why would you want to be friends soo badly with som1 who has absolutely no respect for you. She even called you creepy dude, shes making fun of you and you still want to place this girl on a pedastal?

 

You're young; start talking to as many girls as possible; don't put all your energy into one girl. It'll be for the best for som1 like you

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2.) Why would you want to be friends soo badly with som1 who has absolutely no respect for you. She even called you creepy dude, shes making fun of you and you still want to place this girl on a pedastal?

Nah, she didn't call me creepy mate, I thought that she was creeped out after I lied to her. And you know, this whole thing is going on for 2 months, I just really cannot see why I haven't moved on. The fact she doesn't know I only want to talk to her and be her friend pisses me off. I just think she won't contact me cause she thinks I want to be her BF and that I have high expectations, which is totally not true. Thank you for your not-harsh answer though!

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todreaminblue
Nah, she didn't call me creepy mate, I thought that she was creeped out after I lied to her. And you know, this whole thing is going on for 2 months, I just really cannot see why I haven't moved on. The fact she doesn't know I only want to talk to her and be her friend pisses me off. I just think she won't contact me cause she thinks I want to be her BF and that I have high expectations, which is totally not true. Thank you for your not-harsh answer though!

 

hey, I am sorry you and your friend are going through rough times,I know no contact feels like the end of something you dont want to end,but, it is honestly for the best.

 

You have to let her contact you if the friendship is to continue, you have to give her space, because i know you dont want to come off as creepy, if you dont give her the space to think, it will come across as creepy, that includes sending letters with what i guess are lies.....

 

 

you aren't interested in another girl,or seeign other girls you havent moved on with your life, so , dont send the letter saying you have.Lying got you in trouble last time....remember that......

 

 

 

In your life, girls are going to come in and out of it, some, stay for a long time , others wont, you have to let this go , maybe she will contact you again, but if the contact is from your side, it will i feel, only push her away.......best wishes....be patient and I hope the best for you.....deb

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hey, I am sorry you and your friend are going through rough times,I know no contact feels like the end of something you dont want to end,but, it is honestly for the best.

 

You have to let her contact you if the friendship is to continue, you have to give her space, because i know you dont want to come off as creepy, if you dont give her the space to think, it will come across as creepy, that includes sending letters with what i guess are lies.....

 

 

you aren't interested in another girl,or seeign other girls you havent moved on with your life, so , dont send the letter saying you have.Lying got you in trouble last time....remember that......

 

 

 

In your life, girls are going to come in and out of it, some, stay for a long time , others wont, you have to let this go , maybe she will contact you again, but if the contact is from your side, it will i feel, only push her away.......best wishes....be patient and I hope the best for you.....deb

Wow pretty optimistic answer thank you for this. But you know mate, she isn't having rough times ; it's 1.5 month since we last talked and she seems very very happy without me, that's what disturbs me a lot. I know I shouldn't break NC by no means, but sometimes it's tough..like today where I accidentaly saw some pictures on her Facebook with a new guy which she told me before we split that she was a good friend of her. I don't really know if she misses me, but I know I f**ked up hard. You're right I might be perceived pushy and clingy if I contact her first, but I really don't know if she's ever going to. But I shouldn't be focusing on that right? I should heal and move on, things she has already done or seems to have done. It's really hard for me to cope this period cause all my friends are on vacations and I have nobody to talk to about this. Thank you again mate :)

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todreaminblue
Wow pretty optimistic answer thank you for this. But you know mate, she isn't having rough times ; it's 1.5 month since we last talked and she seems very very happy without me, that's what disturbs me a lot. I know I shouldn't break NC by no means, but sometimes it's tough..like today where I accidentaly saw some pictures on her Facebook with a new guy which she told me before we split that she was a good friend of her. I don't really know if she misses me, but I know I f**ked up hard. You're right I might be perceived pushy and clingy if I contact her first, but I really don't know if she's ever going to. But I shouldn't be focusing on that right? I should heal and move on, things she has already done or seems to have done. It's really hard for me to cope this period cause all my friends are on vacations and I have nobody to talk to about this. Thank you again mate :)

 

 

 

When i said rough times I meant the friendship between you and her and i believe its pretty rocky if there at all close to non existent.....that is why i said rough times.....

 

dont focus on it you are right ...focus on you and if the friendship is to survive ....it might just take a little time and her cotnacting you not the other way around....even though it is hard to be patient i know that better than anyone....i am a fixer and it drives me nuts to let things sit...but...as far as friendships go mine are nearly always life long friendships because i adopt this attitude i respect people and their wishes....even if i dont agree......i never push boundaries and i am not clingy..... patience is the best virtue that brings good things to those who wait.....smilin atcha...that is a mantra of mine thought i would share...............good luck ..:bunny:..deb

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ANewBeginning

Dude, you're at the apex of life. Past this is your early twenties - a time of endless parties, woman of all kinds, hook ups etc or even finding the love of the life if you want.

 

Don't settle for yourself as a stereotypical 'nice guy' type. Get out there. The only reason you want to be her friend is she must be pretty attractive in your eyes and also you don't have many other woman around you. Now is time to get out there - join a club, go to uni, meet new people and that girl you want to be best friends with - she will be just a figment of your imagination.

 

Furthermore it helps as down the track things may change if she sees you in a different light that is, as a man and not a boy chasing tail.

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When i said rough times I meant the friendship between you and her and i believe its pretty rocky if there at all close to non existent.....that is why i said rough times.....

 

dont focus on it you are right ...focus on you and if the friendship is to survive ....it might just take a little time and her cotnacting you not the other way around....even though it is hard to be patient i know that better than anyone....i am a fixer and it drives me nuts to let things sit...but...as far as friendships go mine are nearly always life long friendships because i adopt this attitude i respect people and their wishes....even if i dont agree......i never push boundaries and i am not clingy..... patience is the best virtue that brings good things to those who wait.....smilin atcha...that is a mantra of mine thought i would share...............good luck ..:bunny:..deb

Thank you again mate. You are right I should respect her wishes and I have realised that it's my fault that drove us here. I could just let it flow when she had told me she wanted to distance herself and not act clingy and desperate. I shouldn't have told her I'm in love with her, we might be able to hang out if I hadn't done so. And I can clearly understand why she won't communicate with me, cause that's because I told her I want something more and I miss her not only for her company. That's what makes me wanna break NC so much, although I avoid it. As hard as it might be , I need to move on cause I'm already late.

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