Morals

[Harradin]

I didn't really know where to put this so bare with me, thought friendship would be best.

 

I stumbled onto a post on Facebook today, my ex isn't blocked as she never usually appears in my feed but even if she is blocked I would still see conversations anyway which is fuelling this rant.

 

Most of you know my breakup, my ex cheated and ran off with my friend when she was supposedly "upset" about family bereavement. This happened 8 months ago. I had met my ex and "friend" on a car forum, the friend was staff and I was a club rep and organised events etc and when everything happened I made the decision to leave because I'd either end up beating the sh*t out of my "friend" and I couldn't bare to see them together as they go to every single event that is organised. When I did leave I got a lot of messages from people on there sympathizing with my situation and saying how they both were horrible people, how sickening it was etc.

 

I had heard that she had cheated on him and left him from a friend I'd kept from the forum. But on this particular post today it seems like they are still together, and people on the forum are being all friendly and chatty with them etc, offering to help them and it makes my blood boil. I know its been 8 months which is quite a long time but its incredible that people can be so 2 faced and it makes me feel physically sick.

 

If the same/similar thing had happened to one of my friends, I would have dropped the other friends like a bad habit. My loyalty to that friend would be more important and if those people were capable of that sort of thing, I wouldn't want to be friends with them any more! It wouldn't matter to me how good a friend they were, the fact is that they were capable of doing it and I know everyone makes mistakes, but this isn't one.

 

It goes for cheating etc aswell, or if one of my friends screwed one of my friends over etc, I drop them like bad habits simply for the reasons above. I just feel like I'm the only one in this world who has morals and takes friendship/trust seriously. This is something that sickens me to my core and quite frankly I'd never be that 2 faced.

[RiverRunning]

The cruelty of people, and their blatant ignorance of hurting others, can be incredible. I haven't been through your situation, but I have felt the pain and stood there wondering how someone I loved - family, a partner, a friend - could do something so cruel, continue down that path and remain unapologetic about it.

 

I think this will get better for you with more time. 8 months is a long time - but it's really not that long to grieve a relationship. I remember I dated my ex for a year, and I hated him for most of the time we were together because treated me so terribly - it ended on my terms but I probably felt anger and a lot of grief for up to 8 months afterward. As I began moving on with my life - getting back into school, working more, dating - the anger began to dissipate and I was able to get on with my life.

 

A lot of people are going to be nice to this couple simply because they don't want to make waves, even if they don't agree with what they've done. You do need to find a way to accept what happened without wanting vengeance - i.e., others to treat them poorly for their behavior. Rest assured, in due time, as they continue to meet people and if they continue their behavior, word will get around and eventually people will avoid them like the plague. But there is no need for you to be judge, jury and executioner.

 

If her posts are showing up in your feed, adjust your settings and block who you need to to avoid seeing anything upsetting. Make an effort not to visit her profile - maybe tell yourself at first, "I'll go 2 days without looking." Then make it a little longer each time.

 

I am so sorry for what happened to you - you didn't deserve it, it was cruel, and I am sorry that you have to carry the weight of someone else's trespasses. But you also have to find a way to say, "That wasn't about me. That was her decision." If she was so grief-stricken, why didn't she come to you to talk about it? You were right to see that it was simply an excuse to go out and have 'fun.'

[Harradin]

The cruelty of people, and their blatant ignorance of hurting others, can be incredible. I haven't been through your situation, but I have felt the pain and stood there wondering how someone I loved - family, a partner, a friend - could do something so cruel, continue down that path and remain unapologetic about it.

 

I think this will get better for you with more time. 8 months is a long time - but it's really not that long to grieve a relationship. I remember I dated my ex for a year, and I hated him for most of the time we were together because treated me so terribly - it ended on my terms but I probably felt anger and a lot of grief for up to 8 months afterward. As I began moving on with my life - getting back into school, working more, dating - the anger began to dissipate and I was able to get on with my life.

 

A lot of people are going to be nice to this couple simply because they don't want to make waves, even if they don't agree with what they've done. You do need to find a way to accept what happened without wanting vengeance - i.e., others to treat them poorly for their behavior. Rest assured, in due time, as they continue to meet people and if they continue their behavior, word will get around and eventually people will avoid them like the plague. But there is no need for you to be judge, jury and executioner.

 

If her posts are showing up in your feed, adjust your settings and block who you need to to avoid seeing anything upsetting. Make an effort not to visit her profile - maybe tell yourself at first, "I'll go 2 days without looking." Then make it a little longer each time.

 

I am so sorry for what happened to you - you didn't deserve it, it was cruel, and I am sorry that you have to carry the weight of someone else's trespasses. But you also have to find a way to say, "That wasn't about me. That was her decision." If she was so grief-stricken, why didn't she come to you to talk about it? You were right to see that it was simply an excuse to go out and have 'fun.'

 

I've been on strict NC since October, I've just past 7 months NC and what I count as NC is Facebook stalking aswell as the contact etc so I've not been on her page/sent any messages since October, its only if she comments on a friend's post I see it.

 

I've been throwing myself into martial arts etc, I'll be doing 4 when I come home from uni so I should be pretty busy haha!

 

I think the problem is, I don't want my ex back or anything like that as what she did to me was disgusting. Especially as that week I had been round hers being there for her when she was upset, she was telling me how grateful she was to have me in her life and how much she loved me etc. But I just feel angry that I've been screwed over where as they seem to be getting away with it scot free, its probably why in a way I want vengeance hence the judge jury executioner! Most of the anger for me seems to be when she left me, she did it by email, so when I texted her asking how could you do something like that, she had the cheek to tell me she did nothing wrong. I just need to stop holding resentment because its only affecting me at the end of the day.