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Bridesmaid in my friend's wedding


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I am in my friend's wedding on June 15th and I was told I cannot bring a date, because her and her soon-to-be husband think that it is wasteful to invite "single" people with a guest to the wedding. She actually said, "why am I going to pay $100 for someone I am never going to see again."

 

Here's some background:

I have known this friend for close to 8 years, we went to college together, I would describe our friendship as the typical long-distance post college friendship(we live 2 hours apart). Before all the wedding festivities started I would see her typically 2, maybe 3 times a year. She got engaged in December of 2010, asked me to be in her wedding shortly afterwards. Then my friend turned in the biggest bridezilla I have ever met!

 

I could go into great detail about, but for the sake of length I'll highlight the bullet points.

 

- I bought the $200 dress, that of course is ugly as hell, which also needs to be altered/steamed and shoes will cost me around $50.

 

- The shower cost me $350 (that's per bridesmaid and there's 8 of us), my friend and her fiance wanted a "nice" shower, so they had a say in where the shower was held, which I completely disagree with. Also the maid of honor went a little over the top baskets were raffled off, everyone received the typical favor, almost everyone won prizes during games, every guest received a cookie container and many other expensive extras. To me it seemed more like a show then the bride truly enjoying the company of her guests.

 

- With her living 2 hours away, there is a lot of time spent in my car (the toll to alone is $20 a trip) and then the typical gas for my car.

 

In total, this wedding will cost me well over $1,000 when everything is done with.

 

Now onto the date issue, I have been single for a little over 2 years (I had a long term boyfriend for close to 4 years), I have dated quite a few of guys in the last 2+ years, but I'm not in a committed relationship. I wouldn't have any issue finding a date but I'm not "allowed" to bring anyone.(She has even gone as far to not send me a invitation to her wedding, I really think she did that so there's no "confusion" about me bringing a date.)

 

I've been in 3 other weddings and I truly enjoyed every aspect of participating and being a part of the "big" day and could care less how much money I spent on the wedding activities, but I find myself counting every penny I've spent on this wedding.

 

Bringing a date to the wedding is almost like a security blanket for me, someone to talk to during dinner, dance/hang out with during the reception and being that I'll be 2 hours away, someone to share the hotel with(hotels freak me out and I don't feel comfortable staying in a room alone).

 

I don't know what to do about this situation, do I tell me friend that I want to bring a date; suck it up and have a good time, then question my friendship with her after the wedding; or not drink and drive the 2 hours home after the reception?

 

Also, I had a friend who was suppose to be in this wedding with me, but she dropped out back in November due to my friend being a bridezilla.

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KraftDinner

They get a $2800* shower PLUS gifts and you can't bring a date to the wedding. Unbelievable.

 

What can you do, short of a confrontation? Sounds like a bridezilla alright. I don't get that. Doesn't she see how much her "special day" is putting you out, financially and effort-wise? She sounds very selfish.

 

How lavish is the wedding? Number of guests? Okay, moment of truth: how much is the dress (hers)? That often tells it all.

 

 

*350 times 8, right? I can't do math in my head

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$2,800 is correct!

 

I'm not a typical girl, being "fake" is not in me, I wear my feelings all over my face. I usually say exactly what I'm thinking, but for some reason I tip-toe around her. I did tell her that I have never heard of anyone paying $350 for a shower when there are 8 bridesmaids.

 

They are inviting around 200 people to the wedding, the place is the typical reception site, nothing too fancy. But, they are having a photo booth, which I think is fun, but a waste of money.

 

Her dress? Of course it was on sale, if I remember correctly it was around $600.

 

Oh and the best part, they are inviting parents of their friends, I paid for her fiance's friends mothers to come to the shower, but I can't bring a date!

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Most of them are bringing dates, but only those who are married, engaged or in a committed relationship.

 

She is being consistent and she's even inviting wedding guests, who are single, without dates.

 

I think the choice should be up to me, whether I want to bring someone or not.

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I think the choice should be up to me, whether I want to bring someone or not.

 

Whilst I can understand the frustrations you have with what you have spent on this wedding so far, I really do not agree with the above. What gives you the right to decide whether you can bring a guest or not when someone else will have to pay for them.

 

Just think about it - if there are 10 other people at this wedding who are single like you and they decide to bring a date, that's another $1000 the wedding will cost. Weddings are not cheap and there has to be a line drawn at some stage on the guest list.

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Whilst I can understand the frustrations you have with what you have spent on this wedding so far, I really do not agree with the above. What gives you the right to decide whether you can bring a guest or not when someone else will have to pay for them.

 

Just think about it - if there are 10 other people at this wedding who are single like you and they decide to bring a date, that's another $1000 the wedding will cost. Weddings are not cheap and there has to be a line drawn at some stage on the guest list.

 

I understand that weddings are not cheap, but as a adult I think the option should be there for me to bring a date. If this was a small affair, I could see not being able to bring a date. But, since parents of their friends are being invited, they are picking and choosing where they want to spend their money.

 

Maybe I was just expecting a little more respect, I am spending all this money on her wedding, I thought I was "worthy" enough to bring a date.

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Ofcourse they are picking and choosing where they spend their money. It is their wedding.

 

I really do understand your frustration because you have spent so much but you also need to realise that the Bride & Groom and their familes are spending an awful lot more than you. They have to set a limit on who gets invited. You may not agree with their reasoning but it is their choice.

 

If they allow you to bring someone then they have to allow someone else, and then someone else, etc etc. It will just get completely out of hand.

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Star Gazer

I understand your frustration. However, you had a choice each step of the way whether to be a bridesmaid and pay the costs associated with being a bridesmaid. You could have backed out if/when the cost got too much for you, if it has.

 

The bride and groom have every right to decide who gets to come to their wedding, regardless of whether their decision is based on cost or just not wanting strangers at their wedding or a combination of the two. I can tell you right now, if I had a million dollars to spend on a wedding, I still wouldn't want my guests, including bridesmaids, bringing random people as dates that I don't know and likely will never see again. And it's obviously common practice, hence why you so often see that established significant others are allowed, dates are not.

 

It's the bride and groom's day, not yours. Your focus should be on THEM, not having a "security blanket."

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KraftDinner

No, it's just plain rude. It would be one thing if it was a sit-down 20-person dinner of just family.

 

You know what I think? I think it's a slap in the face...almost a way of putting someone down for not being in a committed relationship. Like she's this big deal princess who's so special and you're just a kid not worthy of bringing a date.

 

With a wedding that size it is in extremely poor taste to make that kind of judgement.

 

Sorry, but as someone who is currently planning a wedding, I just hear so much about these bridezillas and all I can think is, "Who the *;/! do you think you are?"

 

Watching some of those women at the bridal shops...okay ladies, it's a PARTY. You aren't getting crowned queen of England.

 

Emily Post would be turning in her grave, haha! ;)

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No, it's just plain rude. It would be one thing if it was a sit-down 20-person dinner of just family.

 

You know what I think? I think it's a slap in the face...almost a way of putting someone down for not being in a committed relationship. Like she's this big deal princess who's so special and you're just a kid not worthy of bringing a date.

 

With a wedding that size it is in extremely poor taste to make that kind of judgement.

 

Sorry, but as someone who is currently planning a wedding, I just hear so much about these bridezillas and all I can think is, "Who the *;/! do you think you are?"

 

Watching some of those women at the bridal shops...okay ladies, it's a PARTY. You aren't getting crowned queen of England.

 

Emily Post would be turning in her grave, haha! ;)

 

Thank you for making me feel like I'm not completely crazy!

 

She's even had the nerve to say that she would do WHATEVER possible to make my big day as special as possible when my day comes. But, if I am nearly as disrespectful/inconsiderate as she is, I want someone to slap me and bring me back to reality. She is more focused on showing off then anything else.

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melodymatters

If the OP was simply a guest, I would agree with the "suck-it-up" advice, however seeing as she is part of The Show, and has to shell out much more than the cost of two wedding guests for the festivities, I find it in very poor taste that she is not allowed to be escorted by a date, as a lady should be if she so wishes.

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