Does it seem my girlfriend stuck him in the friend zone?

[russellfitch1980]

Hey everyone, I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 22. We have been going out for about 8 months and both truly love each other. We say it all the time everyday and night. The past few weeks though I have been getting a little short tempered with her because she talks to this one guy she is friends with at school a lot. I mean they text everyday and pretty much facebook message everyday. I know they don't talk/text as much as we do, but I glanced a few of her messages when she wasn't around because I was really suspicious. I know that was wrong of me and that was my first time doing it.

 

Most of the messages are harmless it seemed like, a few flirty ones here and there but I guess just as much flirting as friends do from time to time. There were a few smiley faces put in back and forth between them. The problem for me was, one of the messages that I saw was when I went out of town with my girlfriend for the weekend, and her friend was out of town as well visiting family. They see each other at class, and study together with a group of people every tuesday and thursday. I realize she hadn't seen him in a little over a week, so he told her "I miss you" then she responded "I miss you" then he responded "well you will see me tuesday :)" then she said "Yea I know :)"

 

I know I could be over thinking this scenario, as about 5 months into our relationship we got into a huge fight over this guy. I claimed that he liked her and that he was flirting with her, and she wasn't respecting my boundaries with this male friend of hers. She blew up at me and yelled for awhile saying how she couldn't believe I didn't trust her and that I felt she was going to cheat. In my head I wanted to tell her that it's not that I don't trust her, it's that I don't trust this guy....which I don't. She claims and still tells me to this day that he is just a friend. I have learned to get along with it, and accept the fact that she has friends. I tell her I want her to feel she can hang out with whoever, but I would sometimes like to be included when she goes out with a group of people especially when this guy is there.

 

We had a small argument last night similar to the last one, and I explained that she acts differently around me when this guy is around. She keeps her distance from me and acts like I'm not around. She claims it's because she is not the type of person to display PDA or anything similar to it when she is around friends or family. So I usually just stand there awkwardly while she talks to him, not engaging me in any conversation with them whatsoever. Her response last night was, you just don't want me to hang out with "name" alone if your not there. I know you don't like him. She tells me that she truly loves me and wants a life with me in the future, but she can't accept the fact and change one thing about one of her friends.

 

Last night before I left, I checked her Facebook messages and found out that while she was on the phone with me last night, she was messaging this guy the entire 15 minutes while she was on the phone with me. She as giving me short responses on the phone and I called her out and said "name" your not even paying attention to me...what's wrong? Her response was "I'm sorry I'm just really tired" The Facebook message said she was going to call him as soon as she got off the phone with me. They were discussing this one test for a class they have together and she was giving him some of the questions or answers. After they got off the phone he messaged her and said "You are incredible" and she responded ":)" Should I be worried?

 

They have never hung out by themselves outside of school, and she is honest with me most of the time. When they text and talk she does mention me a lot of the time, from the texts and messages that I saw, that was kind of a relief i guess. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want her to know that I invaded her privacy by looking at her texts and Facebook messages. After seeing these messages, she knew something was bothering me and thats when the whole conversation started out again. I asked her if there was something she wanted to tell me, and she said no? I don't know what your talking about, I feel like you are always trying to catch me in a lie. Does anyone think this is a strictly platonic friendship? She does ask him advice about guys relating to me, and she says he is a close friend. They have been friends for about 7 or 8 months. I just don't know if it will turn into something more.

[Shepp]

he probably does like her, but that dosent mean owt will happen People say this "it's not that I don't trust her, it's that I don't trust this guy" all the time and i dont get it - takes two to tango at the end of the day if she sleeps with him its cause she wanted to!

 

At the end of the day your playing right into his hands, your the jealous bf she gets grief from and hes the one shes having fun with - you need to break that!

 

If you cant beat him - join him! Make the time she spends with you great - leave her thinking about you while studying with him!

[ooglesnboogles]

In another way of "if you can't beat him, join him", if you don't find anything really repelling about his personality, try hanging out with him. That might make things smooth over a little bit. And, if you become friends, it might make it harder for him to keep pursuing your girl. And if he does, gives you all the more reason to be upset with him for it ("I thought we were friends" followed by knocking out his two front teeth... OK, don't get violent; that was a joke. But you get the idea.).

[todreaminblue]

Hey everyone, I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 22. We have been going out for about 8 months and both truly love each other. We say it all the time everyday and night. The past few weeks though I have been getting a little short tempered with her because she talks to this one guy she is friends with at school a lot. I mean they text everyday and pretty much facebook message everyday. I know they don't talk/text as much as we do, but I glanced a few of her messages when she wasn't around because I was really suspicious. I know that was wrong of me and that was my first time doing it.

 

Most of the messages are harmless it seemed like, a few flirty ones here and there but I guess just as much flirting as friends do from time to time. There were a few smiley faces put in back and forth between them. The problem for me was, one of the messages that I saw was when I went out of town with my girlfriend for the weekend, and her friend was out of town as well visiting family. They see each other at class, and study together with a group of people every tuesday and thursday. I realize she hadn't seen him in a little over a week, so he told her "I miss you" then she responded "I miss you" then he responded "well you will see me tuesday :)" then she said "Yea I know :)"

 

I know I could be over thinking this scenario, as about 5 months into our relationship we got into a huge fight over this guy. I claimed that he liked her and that he was flirting with her, and she wasn't respecting my boundaries with this male friend of hers. She blew up at me and yelled for awhile saying how she couldn't believe I didn't trust her and that I felt she was going to cheat. In my head I wanted to tell her that it's not that I don't trust her, it's that I don't trust this guy....which I don't. She claims and still tells me to this day that he is just a friend. I have learned to get along with it, and accept the fact that she has friends. I tell her I want her to feel she can hang out with whoever, but I would sometimes like to be included when she goes out with a group of people especially when this guy is there.

 

We had a small argument last night similar to the last one, and I explained that she acts differently around me when this guy is around. She keeps her distance from me and acts like I'm not around. She claims it's because she is not the type of person to display PDA or anything similar to it when she is around friends or family. So I usually just stand there awkwardly while she talks to him, not engaging me in any conversation with them whatsoever. Her response last night was, you just don't want me to hang out with "name" alone if your not there. I know you don't like him. She tells me that she truly loves me and wants a life with me in the future, but she can't accept the fact and change one thing about one of her friends.

 

Last night before I left, I checked her Facebook messages and found out that while she was on the phone with me last night, she was messaging this guy the entire 15 minutes while she was on the phone with me. She as giving me short responses on the phone and I called her out and said "name" your not even paying attention to me...what's wrong? Her response was "I'm sorry I'm just really tired" The Facebook message said she was going to call him as soon as she got off the phone with me. They were discussing this one test for a class they have together and she was giving him some of the questions or answers. After they got off the phone he messaged her and said "You are incredible" and she responded ":)" Should I be worried?

 

They have never hung out by themselves outside of school, and she is honest with me most of the time. When they text and talk she does mention me a lot of the time, from the texts and messages that I saw, that was kind of a relief i guess. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want her to know that I invaded her privacy by looking at her texts and Facebook messages. After seeing these messages, she knew something was bothering me and thats when the whole conversation started out again. I asked her if there was something she wanted to tell me, and she said no? I don't know what your talking about, I feel like you are always trying to catch me in a lie. Does anyone think this is a strictly platonic friendship? She does ask him advice about guys relating to me, and she says he is a close friend. They have been friends for about 7 or 8 months. I just don't know if it will turn into something more.

 

I dont think it is unfair that you be with her when she goes out with this guy and a small group....in fact ....i feel a bf should know male friends of his gf......that a boyfriends presence be recognized,felt and accepted as the normal thing that includes outings of any kind........and if that friend should treat her differently while you are not around as in being flirtatious with her,then he is not respecting any boundaries of either you or your gf...and in my opinion, is a clear defined indication of trouble ahead ,its not a true friendship situation leading to a definite indication that there might be future problems in your relationship,in no way enhancing relations but hindering them possibly, severing feelings of trust and distrust would take hold.......best wishes to you....deb

[LonelyInsomniac]

To answer your question: no. It doesn't.

 

It sounds like she's in denial about her attraction to this guy. She puts him at a higher priority than you - when you feel like the third wheel in your relationship, something's wrong.

 

The "miss you" and jazz is way too intimate for friends, especially when she's neglecting you on the other end.

 

The fact that she gets angry when you bring up this legitimate concern reeks of guilty conscience. She's putting you on the defensive to distract from her own transgressions.