BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 I was wondering what people would think of this situation, I'm too close to see clearly. Married couple friends with another married couple. Couple #2 divorce a few years ago. Husband#2 moves away. Couple #1 start visiting female#2 every weekend, 100% of the time at couple#1 wish (female#2 never specifically invites them, but she's happy to have them), they stay at her house from 1pm to 9pm every Saturday and help her through the early stages of divorce. This continues for several years without fail, except when some unexpected event or trip comes up for either party. Now, Male#1 is making some moves at some point, such as: staring down female#2; telling her he likes how she looks in those jeans; telling her "you are charming and have spark, you'll surely find a boyfriend soon", or "you are blooming and never looked better in your life"; "you look great in skirts"; more of the same compliments, some when wife is not hearing. He's also making some sexual jokes here and there. Stuff like that. Is that OK or are these come ons? Is it possible to have such a platonic friendship under these conditions, or this is a menage a trois of sorts? ) Link to post Share on other sites
ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Not really sure that particular story has anything to do with being platonic... sounds like more of a swinger type thing. Sounds kinda bizarre too, but hey, you only #yolo once. But as far as platonic relationships between two members of the opposite sex, yes, it can happen. But it usually occurs within social circles where the female-to-male ratio is along the lines of 1 to 4. A more even ration, and it's much less likely that things remain platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 One compliment, two at most. After that it's not friendship. It's flirting. Friendship is friendship. Flattering someone's bod and looks is disrespectful to his wife--if she hears or doesn't. It doesn't mean a ménage a troi unless if you're the wife and approve and then you all start knocking boots together in bed. Right now it's just over-the line flattery that demands "a talk" and don't just buy some blow off. If you don't like it and it continues, it ain't good unless you're a swinger. If he's gone over to favoring her and you want to save your marriage, the friendship has to cease (at minimum). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Several years of Saturday night dinner dates? Hmm.... At that point, if all the parties are still civil, I'd call it platonic, or an agreed-upon 'arrangement'. The key aspects are the length of time they've known each other, the transparency of the actions and the agreement of the parties. Since wife #1 is always present, it indicates overt or covert agreement with the arrangement, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 They've known each other for 8 years, they are still civil, and wife #1 is always present in all situations. Female#2 is getting a bit uncomfortable with the compliments and was wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 I recall similar discussion in another thread where the husband was essentially a shameless flirt, often taking comments beyond the boundaries of propriety of the parties he'd engage. If #2 is uncomfortable, she should openly state that, within earshot of wife #1. If the behavior persists, decline to entertain couple #2. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 I recall similar discussion in another thread where the husband was essentially a shameless flirt, often taking comments beyond the boundaries of propriety of the parties he'd engage. If #2 is uncomfortable, she should openly state that, within earshot of wife #1. If the behavior persists, decline to entertain couple #2. Sounds reasonable, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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