Jealous of my friends' friendships

[aliceb1987]

I've always had issues in friendships ever since i was little because i get jealous really easily and i guess i can be kind of possessive (traits arising from my upbringing) When i was a child i was forever falling in and out with friends if they got too matey with each other because i felt like i was always the one left out.I know most kids have a fair bit of this but it happened over and over again...seemed to end up in a 'threesome' of friends and the two others got friendly and i felt left out,or else someone was always trying to take my friends away from me.Sometimes i wasn't the nicest kid and greatest friend admittedly,could be at times bossy and controlling so maybe that had something to do with it.

 

I am now 25,a much better and stable all round person with a wide circle of good friends,so really shouldn't be having friendship issues i know,but the past year or so there has been some similar issues arising.

 

I ended up getting really annoyed with 3 separate pairs of friends last year (S&R,C&J and Ca&L) as they were meeting up without me even though they had all only met each other a handful of times at most with me involved.

Don't get me wrong i like my friends to get on,and even become friends (not too close though) in time, but they seemed to suddenly get all friendly even tho they had barely met.When i confronted S&R and Ca&L to ask why they didn't include me,they said 'they thought i would be busy with my boyfriend' which is ridiculous as i never spend 24/7 with boyfriends,see them afew times a week and still make time to see friends alot.

 

The third pair (C and J) have become very close friends over the past couple of years,and i barely see or hear from J separately now.I have kind of had to accept this,tho it still hurts abit when C tells me all this stuff about my own friend J that i don't even know myself.

 

Anyhow,S,J,C and me have dinner parties every monday which have always been good fun.In my eyes it is C and J and S and me now,which has lessened my issues about C and J.S is my absolute closest friend,the only friend whom i totally click with more than anyone and love like a sister.Last week C was meant to be holding the dinner party but was ill so we rescheduled for the next week.She then sent a message to me,J (and S though i didn't know this) suggesting we meet up on the friday to go out for a meal.I couldn't afford to and already had plans.Turns out J couldn't make it either.IMO this should've meant we would wait til monday, but the next thing i knew from a facebook status was that S and C had gone out for a meal alone.Upon seeing this i felt very jealous and betrayed,seemed like C was after taking S away from me too.

 

I told both S and C how i felt (i beleive in being honest about my feelings to the people involved rather than back-chatting to others) and said although i understand they are both independent adults who can do what they want that it had made me upset as felt that C was crossing a line meeting S independently and S had no objection just like the time with R.It also annoyed me because S has not been making much effort to see me lately which i told her and she accepted.

 

We had a dinner party monday and C brought it all up at the table (which i wasn't too pleased about as didn't want J involved) but her and S wanted to meet up again and didn't know what to do.I said it is up to them what they do but i can't help how i feel.C pushed me to be okay about it and i knew it needed to be resolved in some way so i said maybe i could try meet up with J more to 'balance things out' and feel ok about S and C meeting,but tbh i know that probably won't happen or help.C and J are a pair now and S and me are too... that's how i thought it had become.

 

I am still irritated and upset about the whole thing and am starting to really resent C and am still annoyed with S. J cannot make the proposed dinner party at mine monday so am going to cancel as can't bear being with S and C alone...afew weeks ago the 3 of us went out and i felt down all night as they seemed to care what each other had to say but when i spoke talked over me.

 

This is all making me feel rather down atm,but don't know how i can sort it...i know i may sound like a jealous,posessive bitch but i am not a bad person it is just something i feel strongly about...that my 'close' friends should not be 'close' friends with each other.

 

Please can anyone help me find a way of resolving this?? Thanku! x x x