Found out we all like the same guy -- then things got weird.

[TheVanishedOne]

Me, my best friend and an acquaintance/casual friend of ours all have feelings for the same guy. Best friend is in a serious long-term relationship, but me and casual friend are single. All in our early 20s. The guy is in his late 20s. I also have feelings for another guy who is younger and seems more accessible than the older guy.

 

We all went to his Birthday party a while ago. We got quite drunk and had a fun night. I’m pretty sure he made some vague sex jokes with us, but nothing serious. Next time I saw him he was acting extremely strange around me. He looked annoyed/sheepish when I joked about how drunk he was. He didn’t seem to be able to meet my eye or talk to me properly at all. In fact, he acted like I was a stranger-- not a friend. He just wasn’t himself around me. I later heard from my best friend that he had made some comment to her that he was worried he’d been inappropriate with one of us on his Birthday; he can’t remember much. But when I questioned her on this – she became incredibly vague; she said she thought he’d said that – or maybe she’d dreamt it, but she wasn’t sure. She’d also been to see him at his house about something totally separate to that, but she said seeing him again brought all her feelings for him flooding back. She said she felt awkward and left ASAP.

 

Since the time he acted strange around me, I haven’t seen him. She knows I have feelings for him, but she only found out relatively recently. She has been trying to set me up with the younger guy since and insists that she wants the other girl (casual friend) to be with the older guy. She has very, very strong feelings for the older guy herself and almost left her boyfriend/fiancée for him. I have given up on the older guy and have targeted all my energy into getting with the other guy I like because he’s closer to my age and being with him will not cause complications. I don’t want to mess things up with my friends or upset anyone.

 

To complicate the situation further, a while ago she was sick and I was going to go to the casual friend’s party (the girl). I ended up not going due to a situation separate to that. I told my best friend I was going to go and she ignored me for a few days afterwards and then sent me a snarky text. The older guy was also there. She seemed to come ‘round after a few days and I decided to try and be mature about it and just put what happened behind us.

 

I don’t think things have been quite the same since, but I’ve tried to gloss over it.

 

I’m still very confused over what happened/is happening. I do feel there’s something she might not be telling me – she can keep secrets for a long time when she wants to. She also has really low-self esteem and I think she may have a tendency towards paranoia. I have run through several different scenarios in my head – and asked a few other people what they think – and no one seems to have been able to come up with a plausible scenario as to why she acted/continues to act the way she did and why no-one has heard a peek out of the guy since his drunken Birthday party.

 

I know the temptation is to say ‘You’re best friends, just ask her’ but she can be extremely evasive about things and it is a delicate subject matter since she is in love with the man who all these problems seem to be centred around.

 

So, from an outside perspective, does anyone have any idea what might be going on? I’ve been through so many potential scenarios and none of them make that much sense…. But it’s driving me crazy because I’m pretty sure there is something behind all of this weirdness…I just don’t know what has been done/said.