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Friend into BSDM Pet relationship, Losing her?

Sando13

By Sando13,
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Sando13

Sando13

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Not sure where to post this but I'm out of options and very scared for my sanity and my friends. Her fetish started up 8 months ago 1 week after we had a major fight and after reading one of the 50 shades books.

 

We used to be close, At one stage she wanted a relationship with me I made mistakes and let her down. I signed up to the same site as I was curious to find out more about BSDM. Few months ago she started to change when she got on the site now I don't have a problem with BSDM as I try to keep my mind open but I'm extremely worried about what will emotionally happen to her.

 

I have feelings for her and she knows this she asked about me being on the site her words were "Look I know we haven't hung out in a while and stuff, but if this is you're way of trying to get close again then I can tell you now - it's not the right path." I'm not sure if she means the path to get close again or our path together.

 

Shes moved in with the guy now I'm afraid I'm going to lose my friend and the woman I love, I met the guy once and shook hands with him he was older and when me and her hugged he was watching us. She was living with her sister and looking after the kids has no car and no job and never any money.

 

I noticed before leaving with the guy she had only packed enough clothes for 3 days and had stated she was going back to her sisters home on Monday, I rang her on that Monday and she was still at the house. I know her and the guy have been getting physical.

 

The night before we went to a party she got drunk and came up to me and we kissed. She said she was drunk and it was accident but she remembers it we also held hands and she asked me to cuddle her. I didn't know about the guy until the next day when I got on to the site she logged on too at mine.

 

Next day she was sitting at the table at my house, My mother asked if she was ok. She just nodded and said she had drifted off she was thinking about something but I'm not sure as to what. I don't want to lose her forever from my life but I also can't stand and watch her and what she gets up to as I am losing myself mentally so I have blocked the site.

 

I don't know what to do her sister knows about it but theirs nothing we can do as we are both 25, Anyone with some advice would be good. I've decided to stop all contact I can't be friends with her while she is with this guy.... I'm very worried about her and she won't listen anytime I try to say something she gets defensive as if I'm in the wrong.

 

I know something happened with her last boyfriend and that he was very controlling. I need guidance on how to handle the situation before I lose myself and I really don't want to lose my friend.

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Els

Els

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Uhhh. You're afraid for her 'sanity', but IMO you should be spending more time evaluating your own here.

 

You, someone who is interested in her romantically, are trying to talk her out of a relationship SHE wants to be in. That is never going to work well. She's going to think that you have ulterior motives and are just selfishly trying to keep her for yourself even after letting her down.

 

Let her go, move on, stop trying to convince her. There is nothing wrong with fetish assuming both parties are mature enough to handle it. She doesn't sound so, but people learn from mistakes.

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WhoreyBull

WhoreyBull

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Listen to Elswyth.

Many MANY people have a fetish or spend time playing around with them. It sounds like she is being flippant and trying to explore what's out there. You made a mistake and let her down when she wanted a relationship before, and now you see you are even further incompatible by way of sexual interests.

Shes moved in with the guy now I'm afraid I'm going to lose my friend and the woman I love,

The woman you love? Ya, time to start re-examining your motivations in this.

If anything she needs her family to tell her to snap out of it (who have her best in mind) and get a job, rather than a friend who is secretly in love with her...

Edited by WhoreyBull
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Radu

Radu

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Uhhh. You're afraid for her 'sanity', but IMO you should be spending more time evaluating your own here.

 

You, someone who is interested in her romantically, are trying to talk her out of a relationship SHE wants to be in. That is never going to work well. She's going to think that you have ulterior motives and are just selfishly trying to keep her for yourself even after letting her down.

 

Let her go, move on, stop trying to convince her. There is nothing wrong with fetish assuming both parties are mature enough to handle it. She doesn't sound so, but people learn from mistakes.

 

This, she doesn't sound like much of a catch.

So let her go.

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Sando13

Sando13

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Uhhh. You're afraid for her 'sanity', but IMO you should be spending more time evaluating your own here.

 

You, someone who is interested in her romantically, are trying to talk her out of a relationship SHE wants to be in. That is never going to work well. She's going to think that you have ulterior motives and are just selfishly trying to keep her for yourself even after letting her down.

 

Let her go, move on, stop trying to convince her. There is nothing wrong with fetish assuming both parties are mature enough to handle it. She doesn't sound so, but people learn from mistakes.

 

I've said what I needed to my friend, Although she won't listen I've chosen to walk away as she makes her mistakes. She is incredibly immature other friends and family have also noted it.

 

I'm not sure if I should speak to her sister to make her aware of the situation and let her know I'm leaving the friendship behind.

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Keenly

Keenly

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I've said what I needed to my friend, Although she won't listen I've chosen to walk away as she makes her mistakes. She is incredibly immature other friends and family have also noted it.

 

I'm not sure if I should speak to her sister to make her aware of the situation and let her know I'm leaving the friendship behind.

 

Where are the mistakes? And more importantly, friend or not, what makes you think you have the right to make a persons decisions FOR them?

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coffeebean201

coffeebean201

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If the ex is controlling then chances are this new bf is controlling.

 

bdsm is about having fun with the other person and making up special rules and seeing if you can follow them or if you do it all wrong etc. It can be a lot of fun. It has absolutely nothing to do with being controlling or watching every person that they hug.

 

hope that helps

hugs

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Fugu

Fugu

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Here's the bottom line: you got friend zoned.

 

You're being a 'friend' when she really wants some rough sex with someone she's attracted to. I know it's cold, but you're not attractive to her. That's the bottom line. Deal with it, and move on.

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Els

Els

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I've said what I needed to my friend, Although she won't listen I've chosen to walk away as she makes her mistakes. She is incredibly immature other friends and family have also noted it.

 

I'm not sure if I should speak to her sister to make her aware of the situation and let her know I'm leaving the friendship behind.

 

Don't talk to ANYBODY about it. You're not even her ex, you've never been together! Why would you involve her sister in it???

 

Just move on. If she misses you or wonders why you stopped talking to her, and contacts you to ask what's up, then you can tell her. My bet is that she won't.

Edited by Elswyth
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