Former friend won't leave me alone ... help!

[JessiNuemonic]

I have a former friend who is harassing my friends to try to get back into my life somehow. When I decided not to associate with her anymore, she began sending me nasty emails, obscene phone msgs, posting lies about me on her website, you name it.

 

So far, I have changed my home & cell numbers, email addresses, online journal provider, blocked her from instant messaging me, and password protected my website so she can no longer view what is going on in my life. I have seen her do this with old boyfriends and other friends ... stalking, harassment, coming by their work, their home, sticking things in their mailboxes, etc ... you would not believe the stuff this girl does. Her last boyfriend, (who is a friend of mine,) had to get a restraining order against her! Then, she came after his new girlfriend! She just doesn't give up. I have tried to cut all ties but I know that she checks my website still because I have other friends who still associate with her, which is why I put the password on it. I just don't want her to know what's going on in my life at all.

 

Since she can't get to me any other way, she has now decided she is going to call my friends and tell them to give me msgs ... recently, she called a friend of mine to ask him to tell me she wants a movie back that she gave me a year and a half ago. I don't really care about the movie, it's the fact that she can't just let the friendship die. My friend told her that he did not want to get involved and that she needed to just let go.

 

Has anyone experienced this before? How do you get rid of someone that doesn't want to go away? I feel like I stepped in something and I can't get it off my shoe ... help!

[JessiNuemonic]

Wow ... I guess no one cares ...

[bluechocolate]

Having never experienced this before I decided not to reply the first time I read this post.

 

Quite frankly there isn't much to say really. People like this thrive on attention, good or bad. If your friends know what shes up to then they know what games she's playing. I wouldn't worry about what she says to them. My bet is that if everyone ignores her she'll move on & look for other people to harass.

[Pyrannaste]

Didn't notice your post earlier:)

I haven't been in a similar situation....i've just been 'mildly' harassed.... a girl that kept calling me on the phone while I was trying to cut contact with her, came at my house and asked that I let her in, made up stuff to get in contact with me. But anything of the sort you are experiencing right now.

If advice from someone who has not been there is worth anything....

well, I'd be scared if I were you. And I'd be extremely pissed off.

 

If she still lives with her parents (I don't know how old either of you is), and her parents look like okay people, I'd call them on the phone and tell them everything their lovely daughter is doing..... how she is acting like she was nuts, how she would not let you alone, how she is stalking her ex boyfriend.

If her parents are not psychos too, they are probably going to be glad in the end someone told them their daughter has serious problems, so that they can try to help her.

 

If she lives alone, keep any nasty email she sent you, record phone calls, keep phone msgs, collect proof.

Of course while doing so do not retaliate in the same way.

second step: you confront her. You let her know she either stop this bull**** or you are going to report her to the cops.

third step, if second step was not useful: you report her to the cops.

In this case don't feel guilty: she would have had it coming.

[JessiNuemonic]

We're both adults .. she is a few years younger.

 

It has been nearly a month since I stopped talking to her, and it seems to get worse, not better the less contact there is. Now that she cannot access my life online, she is really incensed.

 

I just want to move on, but lastnight I got a call at 2am from a friend who said she'd threatened my home and that I should bring in the stuff on the patio because she might try to trash it. This exhausts me ... I don't understand why, when I have broken ALL ties and not contacted her, slandered her or even acknowledged her in any way, positive or negative, she still cannot move on.

 

I am at a loss as to what to do besides wait. If she comes over here as she has threatened to do, I will call the police. She has bench warrants for unpaid speeding tickets, so if she does show up she'll be arrested for those. I wish I could move but I have 2 more months in my lease.

[magda]

Is there any particular reason/s for her hatred towards you?

 

I've been in the business before where someone was upset with something I did. Although I could justify my actions the only way to appease the other persons hurt feelings was to put myself in their shoes and basically justify their feelings/actions. You know, "I understand that when I did __ it must have made you feel ___ and I'm sorry for that, etc." Basically, being forthright & honest with that person and yourself. Doing this is showing respect for that person and their feelings... perhaps she is over-reacting because you refuse to acknowledge her. It would seem likely. I think you should face her once, twice if needed, and no more - other than to be civil when you happen to see her. And while you're at it, return the movie.

 

This has always worked for me in the past; although I've never seriously f***d anyone over. Also I've had the luxury of never accidently associating for too long with psychos.

 

If this doesn't work and she continues to pursue you, she's probably definately got more than a few screws loose and you should consider reporting the situation to the police. One can't always predict insanity, so it's wise to get a professional opinion.

[JessiNuemonic]

She sent me a few emails back when I first broke ties, and I responded saying how I felt there was no friendship left but I would miss her and that I wished her the best going forward. Then came more emails saying "just reply one last time," and I stopped, because one last time never came. Her last boyfriend (of a year ago,) had to get a restraining order against her to get her to stop. She was driving by his house, putting things in his mailbox, harassing him at work, even followed his boss home and cut him off very dangerously on the freeway. Then, after the restraining order was in place, she contacted his current girlfriend and began harassing her. That is still going on to this day.

 

I don't know why I am looking for rational behavior from a proven irrational person. I guess I am just ready to move on and she is not. Honestly, I have tried to break ties before, and then decided not to because it was easier being her friend, as far as the above goes. This time I am determined not to let her weasel her way back in to my life. We were on good terms, (no fighting, just me being tired of her inconsiderate behavior,) so I don't think she is angry with me. She was fine when I answered those few initial emails. It was only when I stopped that all of this started up. Nobody likes to be ignored, I suppose, but she is 24 years old ... that's too old to be threatening my home and doing all of this nonsense.

[ziggue]

Maybe she feels like you never gave her a good enough reason not to be friends with her and probably is still really hurt by it.

 

Still if that is the reason there should be no excuse for her threatening and harrasing you. If it gets even more worse. You could always put out an AVO on her.

[zoomer]

OMG! Have you ever heard of the Stalking Law? REPORT HER. She has proven over and over that she can not be talked to rationally and you do not know if she will proceed with her threats or not.

 

REPORT HER to authorities! You don't have to move because of her! She needs to be held accountable for her actions and threats!