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Lost a friend


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My story:

I became friends with a girl from my workplace, we actually became really close, she told me everything about herself (her issues with her parents, her suicide attempts, her insecurities, etc). She also texted me all day long. The only issue was that I was falling for ger. And that I already had a girlfriend.

So, I told her to back off for a while, but that she could always come to me if she really needed me. So we stopped talking after that which lasted about a month.

 

Every week or so she would text me something, or talk to me via her friends, so I would still know how she was doing. Then one night we started texting again, we told each other we missed each other and that I would text her when I had a bit more time I(I was with my friends at the moment). Two hours later, I texted her again, except that she got drunk and while I was trying to say I wanted to see her again, she was being really disrespectful. The next day I asked her if we could meet up, but she was too busy.

 

A week and a half after that, I saw her again at work. She completely ignored me, walked away when I talked to her, told me to leave her alone, etc.

I was surprised, I didn't think she would react like this. It is now two weeks after this has happened, and she still tells me that she doesn't want anything to do with me and that I should leave her alone. She refuses to tell me why, she just says "I just decided it".

 

Anyone got some advice in this situation, I have no idea what to do...

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No doubt you've heard this before, but give her space. If she doesn't come around, pick up and move on. I know it sucks because I've been there. Only difference was that this girl hit a rough patch and used me to help her get over it while the friendship was forfeit because for some reason or another, didn't trust me anymore and told me that I could cut her out of my life and she wouldn't care. But again, give her space and I wish you the best of luck. :)

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Thanks for the advice, I'll do that then. Sometimes she seems to be turning around, but then all of a sudden she turns cold again. But yeah, I'm just driving myself crazy thinking about it and trying to actively change it.

So I'll just leave her alone and if she comes back, she comes back, and if not, her loss.

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True. If any girl does this, trust me-she isn't worth the effort over worrying over.

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I think you lost a friend for good. Don't call her a friend, you have feelings for her. On the other hand you have a girlfriend and she knows that. Are you ready to leave your girlfriend? I don't think so.

 

You cannot have both. One of you should make a move to end this painful friendship and she's doing it. That's the best thing to do.

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donnabella8

She also may have decided that since you already have a girlfriend and had told her to back off, that it would be best for you both to back away from the friendship, especially if she was starting to have deeper feelings for you. Respect her wishes - considering the situation it is probably for the best.

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The way I see it, you were her friend and then you pushed her away.....It's not your place now to complain when she completely changed, some people has their pride!

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Two hours later, I texted her again, except that she got drunk and while I was trying to say I wanted to see her again, she was being really disrespectful.

 

So did you two get into a fight? How was she disrespectful and how did you react to it? Whatever happened during that conversation is probably the reason she doesn't want to talk to you anymore.

 

But yeah, you are right. You've got to leave her alone. When someone tells you that, you have to respect it.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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So did you two get into a fight? How was she disrespectful and how did you react to it? Whatever happened during that conversation is probably the reason she doesn't want to talk to you anymore.

 

But yeah, you are right. You've got to leave her alone. When someone tells you that, you have to respect it.

Stuff like walking away when I spoke to her, lying to me about things like "Yeah, we can't talk, because our boss told me I talk too much" 5 minutes later and she is in a long conversation with somebody else. I got pretty annoyed by it and persevered, but after a while just backed off.

 

But to give an update:

A few days ago she started talking to me again. It isn't exactly like it used to be (yet) as I can sometimes still see bits of anger behind her words, but at least we are talking again. So the whole backing off thing helped.

 

To two other posters aboce, I think you guys were right she was realy hurt when I pushed her away. Not sure this was because she developed feelings for me too or not, but the fact that the friendship was gone hurt like hell. And I think then that she decided to just try to forget me and hate me, so she wouldnt have to miss me anymore. That's my view anyway.

 

Anyways, it seeems like this story is coming to a good end, just wanted to share that and let you guys know your advice actually helped and had some goood results. So thanks a lot everybody! :)

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Thanks for the advice, I'll do that then. Sometimes she seems to be turning around, but then all of a sudden she turns cold again. But yeah, I'm just driving myself crazy thinking about it and trying to actively change it.

So I'll just leave her alone and if she comes back, she comes back, and if not, her loss.

 

Worst thing you can do is what you are doing right now anyway, chasing.

 

My guess from what you posted, she either changed her mind regarding you, or she was embarassed about something and decided to not let you over a certain point.

 

Either way, nothing good [legally ... you work in the same place] can come from you continuing to contact her.

And nothing good [relationship wise] can come from chasing after her, in fact it's a horrible position to be in becasue she is leading the interaction, she is setting the rules, and you are falling into the situation she created and that she controls.

When it comes down to something like this, you need to stop chasing, distance yourself from her ... and only engage if she starts chasing you.

 

Personally i believe it's a bad ideea to engage even then, because this type of back and forth screams game-playing, and i personally don't want someone like this in my life ... again.

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