I feel like my friends have distanced themselves from me

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't exactly live down the street from my friends, but well within driving distance, and they all have my cell phone number and facebook where they can contact me. They don't bother to though. Not unless it's some special occasion like a birthday dinner they want me to attend (unless it's mine).

 

I said this another thread, some of my friends joined a football league without me, knowing that it would be something I'd want to do. I'm the last to hear about new jobs, new apartments, new girlfriends, illnesses, major life events or what have you. And usually when I do hear about it, it's from someone else.

 

I know people generally move away from their college friends, it's just a part of growing up I suppose, but it's not like any of them are long distance, and I'm the only one they're moving away from. It's also not just my college friends, my high school friends who live in the same town as me never seem to be able to hang out. It's kind of distressing to be honest.

 

I guess I'm just expressing dismay, not really seeking advice. Unless someone has some...

[Teknoe]

Sorry to hear, it sucks but it happens to a lot of people. Sometimes you're the one phasing others out. Other times, you're on the receiving end.

 

Ending friendships is never easy. Many people prefer to do the less confrontational "slowly weed 'em out" procedure. It looks to me as though they have phased you out of their lives.

 

One thing I learned, if someone wants to let you go, then let 'em go. Let folks go.

[amaysngrace]

Why do you think they are doing that? Did you ever ask anyone about it or do you already have a good idea as to why?

 

I'm sorry to hear that though. You seem like a pretty good guy.

 

[whichwayisup]

Can I ask? Do you put effort in and ask them to do stuff with you? Do you involve them in your life, events, dinners, etc? Or do you wait for them to call and invite you to stuff?

[fortyninethousand322]

Can I ask? Do you put effort in and ask them to do stuff with you? Do you involve them in your life, events, dinners, etc? Or do you wait for them to call and invite you to stuff?

 

If I never texted them first I'd never hear from any of them. Unless, like I said, it was somebody's birthday dinner or there was some event they wanted people to go to.

[Teknoe]

At the peak of your friendship with these guys, just how close were yoU?

 

Because I feel, many times, if you are moreso acquaintances with someone, it's more likely you leave someone behind if you "reach a certain position" in life. It sounds like your "friends" are experiencing new "adult milestones." If you are still the same guy, not going anywhere, or not living an exciting life, it's easy for them to forget about you and move on.

 

Whereas friends stick together through thick and thin.

 

I don't know for sure, but it doesn't sound to me like these guys were ever super close to you. And now that they're hitting different life milestones, and perhaps you're the same ole you from years past, maybe they figured there's just no future with you in terms of staying connected.

 

It happens more frequently than people will admit. People change and grow. And as they change/grow, so too will their relationships

[fortyninethousand322]

At the peak of your friendship with these guys, just how close were yoU?

 

Because I feel, many times, if you are moreso acquaintances with someone, it's more likely you leave someone behind if you "reach a certain position" in life. It sounds like your "friends" are experiencing new "adult milestones." If you are still the same guy, not going anywhere, or not living an exciting life, it's easy for them to forget about you and move on.

 

Whereas friends stick together through thick and thin.

 

I don't know for sure, but it doesn't sound to me like these guys were ever super close to you. And now that they're hitting different life milestones, and perhaps you're the same ole you from years past, maybe they figured there's just no future with you in terms of staying connected.

 

It happens more frequently than people will admit. People change and grow. And as they change/grow, so too will their relationships

 

With my high school friends, not terribly close. Hung out during school hours, then after graduation saw each other occasionally during breaks, etc.

 

With my college friends, we hung out every day, went to movies, road trips, played basketball or football 2-3 times a week. Talked on facebook when we weren't together, all of that.

 

Not all of them are moving on with important milestones. Some of them are still unemployed/underemployed, college dropouts, etc. Nobody is a real big shaker in our group. So I don't know.

[Lani]

Unfortunately, there comes a time in life when these things happen.

People make decisions about who they're keeping n their life, and who they're not.

And it sounds to me like you're on the outer, which you've realised. I don't know the reasons why, but please don't go assuming they're all bad. I distanced myself from people because we were headed in different directions, and when life got too busy I had to prioritise who I could fit in. I still stay in touch with those people, but it may only be once or twice a year.

 

My advice is to get out and make some new friends.

This doesn't mea that you have to leave all your current ones behind, just that if they're not going to make you a priority, then you're just going to focus your attention on something/someone else for a while.

 

You have a lot to offer a friendship I'm sure, so make sure you don't take this as too personal a thing.

[The Outlaw]

I'm sorry, these guys don't sound like keepers. I'm not trying to be harsh at all, but if they were friends at all, you wouldn't be kept in the dark nor get excuses all the time explaining why they can't hang out with you. Do you hang out with anyone else besides them?