Shindig Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) I invited a friend to stay with me and my husband while she's moving. We have space and I told her she could bring her cat. I told her she could stay as long as she needed but I'm getting the idea she's staying as long as she wants. Unfortunately it turns out I'm quite allergic to her cat and it also harasses our special needs dog. At first I just kept the dog in our office so he wouldn't get stressed and she promised to keep the cat in our guest room. As my allergies got worse, I asked her if she could leave the cats with her sister or boyfriend who both live about 40 minutes away. She declined. I asked her if I could put the animal up in a pet hotel 2 blocks from where we live and she said "oh no, we're a family unit". I told her I'd put her up at a pet friendly hotel for 4 days until she could find a place and she said "oh you don't have to do that". She offered to vacuum more frequently than our usual once a week and shave her cat (?). I told her that it really wasn't an option since I'd learned during my last vacuuming session that vacuuming just stirred up the dander and aggravated me more and it wasn't the fur I'm sensitive to. My home was coated in dander and I didn't feel right cleaning every time I wanted to be in my house, particularly since I work form home. When I started to wake up with my eyes crusted shut after finding the cat sleeping in my bed I finally told her keeping the cat in our home really wasn't an option and that I'd happily pay for a pet hotel, 4 days at a pet friendly hotel near her work or to ask some friends if they could take the animal so she didn't have to. She finally asked her sister to look after the cat but still isn't looking for a new place as far as I can tell and has been passive aggressive with me, calling me buddy or pal, feeding the dog foods he's not supposed to have (making him gassy and giving him diarrhea, requiring a vet visit - still, I doubt she anticipated it might put his life in danger) and then feigning ignorance, etc. I'm sure she's angry about not being able to have her cat with her, but I don't feel bad for asking to have my needs met, particularly considering I spent a whole weekend and almost $700 to rent equipment to sanitize my house and $300 for vet care and meds for our dog. She tells me she's looking for an apartment (3 weeks now) but she's been spending her weekends visiting her sister, cousins and her boyfriend so I question her commitment. I'm hoping that being separated from her cat will get the fire under her ass along with my regular questions on how the apartment hunt is going. I think I went above and beyond in being nice about being allergic to her cat and am not sure we're going to remain friends after this. I wonder if a friend would really act that way. We have a lot of friends in common so I'm wary of doing anything extreme. I'm a little involved and need you folks for perspective. Any suggestions or insights? Edited March 17, 2013 by Shindig Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Politely ask her to leave. She's taken advantage of your hospitality, and enough is enough. Sometimes you have to put YOU first, in spite of the friendship. Hope it goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
ain37 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Hi Shindig, I agree with Outlaw. I think you need to politely ask her to leave. She has no respect for you. If I was the one staying with you, I would have been bending over backwards to make your life easier since you were giving me a place to stay. Her reluctance to have someone else take care of her cat despite the fact that it was making you sick, feeding your dog food that made it sick and being passive-aggressice towards you show that she is incredibly puerile. Since you were so kind to give her a place to stay, it shows that you are giving much more than you are receiving in this relationship and that you deserve much better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wolfcub Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 And if "politely" doesn't work with her, just kick her out. Guests also have their obligations, one of them is - being nice to the host. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shindig Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 We're still getting her Victoria's Secret catalogs. Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 Read them and then write "Moved" on the mailing lable and put them in a post box haha Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 But i take it that she's gone, at least? sounds like a leech more than a friend Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shindig Posted April 26, 2013 Author Share Posted April 26, 2013 She's out, but she's still having scads of packages sent to our address and leaving them for days. Her excuse is that her new place doesn't have a secure mail system. I'm just grateful she's out. Link to post Share on other sites
firemanq Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 "Not at this address" "Return to sender" labels on all packages, leave it where it was left. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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