I had to put my friend out for mooching...:-/

[RhapsodyinBlue]

I posted a thread similar to this around Dec. My friend lived with for 7 months and never got a job. All the bills were paid by me. He acted too uppity to look for restaurant jobs and grocery stores. Keep in mind he had NO income. His family could barely even help him out.

 

I began to feel used and even when I confronted him he tried to play victim and talk about the things he disliked about his stay at my house....the one who doesn't pay for ****.

 

He missed the first February 1st deadline and then admitted he had codependency issues. He then assured me he would move out by the end of March. I asked him what his plan was and he said he was waiting on his student loan money to come through because he registered for online classes. His original goal was to come out here and go to the Fashion Design Institute. Well he then decided he didn't want to take out anymore loans and would just work.

 

He's 27 and NEVER lived by himself. He moved from DC to LA. He has an associates degree in Photography but would NEVER advertise his services. My friend wanted pictures and he never followed up with her. She was willing to pay good money because she knew his circumstance.

 

One month I STRUGGLED to get the rent paid and had to borrow money from my mom. My ended suddenly. I'm a student and it was a research job and they ran out of money faster than they thought. He acted like he didn't care even though we had notices slipped under our door and management knocking.

 

I talked to him about contribution. He tried to reverse the conversation and asked why I chose such an apartment with the price that I pay per month. I told him that has NOTHING to do with his contribution. I didn't decide to double up my electricity bill and have to pay the entire thing.

 

 

Meanwhile. I caught him telling white lies. He hadn't even applied for student loans and didn't know if we would even get approved. Every school has a disbursement date and he couldn't tell me that.

 

I asked him what if the money didn't come in time, he said family would help out with his transition to an independent lifestyle. So I asked him if he ever considered asking his family to contribute towards his stay here. He said no because he didn't want them to do that and he wanted to do it. HOW!? YOU HAVE NO MONEY OR JOB!!

 

I got pissed IMMEDIATELY. It was the last straw. I had also asked him if he had tried restaurant jobs. He said yes. My friend is very uppity so he probably only picked select restaurants. I noticed that he always applies to certain jobs in certain job fields: mostly admin and property management (he has some experience with this. I asked he looked at any jobs in places Crenshaw or Culver City? He said he never THOUGHT about it.

 

Of course not. He only thought about applying to dream jobs while I took care of him. He could've saved so much money by now had he been humble.

 

I told him it would be best to get out in a week. Yes I know that is sudden, but my friend has a fear of success. So I did it out of love. Of course we stopped talking, but I did tell him I would like his copies of MY keys back please. So I asked him where they were today and he didn't respond. I sent another text and he said they're in the trash.

 

He would buy little stuff here and there around the house (mostly toilet paper and trash bags), but he was so cheap. I hate to sound stuck up, but it was the kind of trash bags that were thin and would slide when you put trash in it and when it was time to dump it, the bags would rip. He barely cleaned. He only "wiped" counters. It sounds so picky, but it just seems like everything he did or contributed to was just a half-assed effort. But he always promised me he'd pay me big time when he got this BIG imaginary job that kept "feeling" coming his way.

 

I'm hurt, but I feel free. I'm graduating this semester, I can focus on my career and POSSIBLY move to Panama for a bit for some research I want to finish up.

 

I just can't believe he is stooping this low.

[dreamingoftigers]

Your friend may or may not be in for a rough ride.

 

I had a leech like this for a long time. She lived here for four months and REALLY screwed me over at the end of her stay.

 

I've had other leeches before her, but she was the worst.

 

Build some walls, Hun. If you offer help to someone, be VERY clear what you are offering, what timeframe and any conditions attached.

 

Think it through. Don't just think, "sure we're friends, I'll help you out" unless you know very well you are getting in that corner with.

 

Leeches will come out of the woodwork for your whole life unless you put the walls up and put the boot out (albeit politely). "well, it's been 2 months and I've LOVED having you here, I'll miss you when you go at the end of the month." (oh boo hoo)

 

It's tough, one of the toughest lessons I've had to learn.

 

Pretend like you've got a daughter and how you want her to handle an obvious leech. Or something similar.

[Dragonfruit]

So this jerk mooches off you for seven months and spits in your face as thanks on the way out. Wow.

 

I imagine we all have to learn this the hard way. We get burned a time or two and then we learn. It's truly amazing how entitled some people are.

 

Why should you pay any adult's rent at all, for any length of time, under any circumstances? It doesn't work like that. He needs to live at home until he has earned the money to pay his rent and lined up a job. What he merely wants doesn't belong in the equation.

 

I mean, would you even ask a friend to take on such an enormous burden? I wouldn't have the nerve.

 

I would limit assistance to friends in need to perhaps a one time gift of $100- for a very good friend only. That's it. I would not let someone come stay with me because then it gets ugly to get them out again. Even one month of it probably translates to several hundred dollars cost for you anyway, if you added it all up. I take care of no one unless they are my child. Sorry your ex-friend is such a spoiled baby. Best wishes.

Edited March 14, 2013 by Dragonfruit

[RhapsodyinBlue]

Oh trust me. I have LEARNED my lesson. It was the first time I had done that AND I went in with that "oh he's my friend" mentality. He's got people turning against me and etc. But surprisingly, I'm not bothered. I'm sure he's playing victim and telling people the things he wants them to hear. I'm sorry but there's nothing cool or sympathetic about a 27 year old man who mooches off of people.

 

He kept "promising" he would pay me back. I know one thing in this world is promises aren't ****. Even HE would say that. So he pretty much showed me who he was. When I say we were close, we were pretty damn close.

 

But I know I am on the verge of a breakthrough and I wish him the best. But I do not think he will go far with his mentality and he will be back in DC soon GUARANTEED.

 

I'm not looking for an apology or a check because at this point, I've washed my hands with the situation. Just stay away from me.

 

Everyone assures me that "It's okay. You guys will make up."

 

Some people are meant to be in our lives for just a season and I THINK he may just be one of them.

 

Keep in mind I NEVER saw his sneaky,lying ways until I lived with him...but that IS the only way to know who someone really is.

[BklynGuy]

I had a friend when I was younger & we grew up like brothers. Used to sleep in the same bed even at different ends. I had more $$$ than him @ a certain point. I used to take him & his girl shopping for groceries, for haircuts....he lived on the other side of town. I never saw it like maybe he was using me for my car. Gave him $$ when he was running low due to living circumstances. Had his back on the streets.

 

When he was low on $$ I'd hook him up, Sh*t we'd have $1 between us & each buy snacks for .50 each. Well the tables have turned & now he has the $$ & the big job. He makes hiring decisions but won't help me out! I went out with him last year for a birthday....he pointed out 5 girls & said 'I helped all of them get jobs'. I've known him for 21 years & he'll hook up some hot piece of a*s but won't help me. Then he was like come watch my kids. Really?!

[RhapsodyinBlue]

I could easily put my guard up and be mad, but I'm not. I know I did a good thing for him because he's used to people enabling him. As a friend, I REFUSE to see you settle for less--that's more than his family does.

 

I don't mean to talk bad about him, but they loved having him around the house and even would call him when he moved out here to ask him different questions like "how do I work the tv?" "Can you do this?" and even suggesting he move back.

 

 

I've learned that some people see us for what we do and not who we are.

 

I never used my tv and he watched it all the time. I do NOT pay for cable but we get some free channels. I considered giving him the t.v. once he got his new place as a housewarming gift. The most he's ever done for me is buy food and snacks here and there BECAUSE he had an EBT card that was FROM DC but he used it here. Guess what? This is the last month he gets food stamps. **** is going to hit him REALLY hard.

 

 

We became good friends when I was at a low point in my life. I have worked on myself and raised my vibration and guess what? Not only do I see the truth but when once person elevates and the other person doesn't....there's bound to be some jealousy, tension and even ending of a friendship.

 

Don't worry man. I know who my real friends are. Many of them have been with me since CHILDHOOD. I've only known this guy for three years. Even though those people are on the East Coast. They have sent me money in times of need, check on me and even tell me that they love and miss me.

 

That makes me feel SO good to know I have those kinds of friendships and that kind of support. Plus my family. I won't let a few sour relationships ruin my perspective of friendship, love and people in general.

 

 

@BklynGuy--You have done a lot for your friend. But it's clear that he sees you for what you do and not who you are. He made you an option and not a priority. However, when he needed or want something you were his priority because he knew he could use you. That's not love or friendship, that's indulgence and ego.

 

Like I said, I have learned my lesson. EVERYONE has supported me 100% especially because I went above and beyond. However, I do take some responsibility for enabling. But after December, I stopped paying for **** in terms of drinks and outings.

 

 

To make some things clear, he LIKED me during my senior year in college. Unfortunately, he would try to "be there" and pretend to be this caring and available person. I say unfortunately because he did those things in an attempt to get me to like him. Yes, I was at a low point in my life. But I made it very clear that I did NOT want to be romantically involved with him. When I met him, I was severely depressed and had just came out as a gay man. I met him through a mutual friend who is one of my best friends and I have known her since 7 or 8. ACTUALLY, they're not even talking because of a fallout they had. She had the chance to see the truth before me because she lived in a different city.

 

She gave her life to God and became more involved in the church and stopped messing with women. I have my own opinions on that but it's not my place to judge. He made it seem like she was distancing herself from all of her "worldly" friends when in fact he was suffering from his own insecurities and greed. She was the only friend who would go out with him. So once she became stopped partying, he had no other gay friends to really hang with. Keep in mind, I have been in California close to 3 years. So I wasn't always 100% around them. But we all lived in the same city during my college years.

 

 

I have babbled enough. I am NOT a victim but I am not to blame. These problems are deeply stemmed from childhood.

[BklynGuy]

I think you're right about the option & not priority part. I was like an extended family member to this guy. But whenever problems would arise he'd be like 'blood is thicker than water'. I asked him for some help in finding a job last year. He told me he'd help out for about 4 months then didn't. Then he'd keep telling me here & there he would & I eventually got pissed.

 

I felt like he literally jerked me off. This was my childhood friend. Seems like I may have been wrong about him all along. He'd always bail on me when things got tough or awkward.

[Shindig]

Yikes, it's only been 3 weeks with our moocher. I'm wondering if I'm in for a ride like this one. :/ I think you did right by both of you; asking to have your needs met (not a crime by a long shot) and showing extraordinary patience.

[The Outlaw]

I'll also cut these type of people out of my life, and when an individual has to do so at one point or another, you're better off from the get-go and you can move forward in your own life instead of worrying with his....