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Problems with old friends; making new ones?


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Hey folks,

 

So I'm having issues with friends.

About 3 years ago I moved city. It was after college and there was a good network of people I knew or were related to my job here already so I fell into that group pretty easily.

 

But since then the group has dwindled away to nothing. I've found in that time there is a lot of gossiping and rumours in the group. I don't really stand for all that so I didn't get involved but it seems a lot of the rumours involved me. None of the things I've heard were true.

 

But no matter how hard I try to connect, people just blank me. Nobody ever texts or calls me. Nobody ever invites me out. When I try to give anyone a call to go out or anything, they just ignore it and don't pick up or reply to texts.

 

I even pass them around work and when they are all geting together for lunch dates and so on, if I pass them, I might be lucky to get a nod and a a "how's it going" and on they walk.

 

I just don't get it. I've done nothing wrong to any of these people but I'm totally isolated.

 

There was a new guy moved from our hometown just a month ago and I see already he is a big part of the group, loads of pictures and messaging on facebook let me see that... and he's only been here a few weeks... I've been here 3 years and I can't crack into the group.

 

I just don't understand. I'm feeling very isolated. I've tried making friends elsewhere but it's not easy. I'm in my late twenties, I don't work directly with people close to my age, there's just nobody to hang with.

I don't know where to meet new folks. I've tried classes and groups but the friendship never really goes beyond the term of the activity... once it's over, everyone is back to their own friends and isn't bothered to stay in touch, why would they? They don't NEED new friends.

 

It's just becoming very frustrating. While my career and life is good, I just go weeks without even having a conversation with someone. I never have anyone to call up on Saturday evening... and it's often perceived as being weird by people I meet, but how do you meet people then?

 

There's nothing abnormal about me. I'm a decent regular guy, it's just not easy making close new friends when you don't know anyone?

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CautionaryTale

Yuck, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all that petty bulls***. Guess it's time to make some new friends, eh?

 

I find, the older I get, the harder it is. However, I've made a few friends along the way. Through work (Which sounds like it's just not happening for you) At hobby stores, I met a girl at EB Games (know it?) and started chatting her up on the latest PS3 games...

 

Ever tried a Meet Up? Type it in google, along with your city if you haven't. Just a bunch of people who organize different outings. Great way to meet new friends. I have yet to try this but have heard good things. they go bowling, have pub crawls, game nights, city tours, hiking, biking, etc.

 

I would say to not let these people bother you but, no. Work is such a huge part of your day/life. I don't understand why anyone would go out of their way to make things awkward and uncomfortable for someone. Guess it's easier when you're not on the receiving end. Keep doing your thing and, as best as you can - forget them. Not worth it.

 

- "With friends like these, who needs enemies?"

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Yeah, that's the thing. I have just given up on the group. There's really no way to reconcile or anything without going back begging to be allowed join their activities and join in the gossiping. It's just not me.

 

But since they were what I relied on as friend, it's tough.

 

I've tried meetup but I find it a little odd. I live in a big enough city. There are lots of pickup sports groups which sounds great... but they are a little odd... like they play during the day midweek and have maybe 4-5 people signed up to the event. It feels more like its just a group of friends, not something everyone can join in, wouldn't evening and weekends attract big groups?

 

I looked at movie groups but they are very "artsy", I figured I'd just get to watch the latest movies with a few folks but they go to arthouse places to weird movies and then talk politics after which just goes over my head.

 

I tried a "drinks" group but the organizer was VERY rude to me and basically ignored me after going out of my way to try introduce myself. The rest of the group all seemed to be cliques of friends.

 

Other groups are just for abscure interests and groups of people which I just don't fall into.

 

I can't understand it.

 

I know I'm not the first person to go through the same thing. It's just my age, late 20's, everyone already has their circle of friends.

 

I see the same issue a lot out there when I search but I never see answers.

 

Just "join a class".

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