My guy friend acts so weird around me! Why?

[Ashlyn]

For the most part my guy friend, Max (who has a live in off/on gf). MESSY. He is so insane. We became fast friends about a year ago when he was single. I'm pretty sure he hit on me the first cpl times we hang out but I'm a prude so I'm not going. Anyway we became super close very fast. We have the same interests. Well he gets this gf who I also know but am not friends with and he starts talking to me almost more than ever. He has always been the initiator. He calls, texts, asks me for advice, teases me, has nicknames for me, tells me he loves me. I have overheard him having a convo with a mutual friend about how amazing I am. A mutual friend of ours said she thinks he has a crush on me. I mean he talks about me to other people when I'm not there. He talks about me being in his future- not his current girl. I just am so confused. Am I mistaking friendship for love? It just sucks I feel as though a lot goes unsaid between us.

 

Other people point out how he flirts with me. He never acts like this w his current girl. He would be touchy feely with her but they don't have chemistry like we do. It feels like we're always messing with each other but when he takes it too far he immediately apologizes and tells me he's playing. He also has some very strange behavior in regards to me. He has purposely burned me with a cigarette and he caused me to be burned by someone else's on another occasion just messing with me. Then one night he wanted to freak me out and was pretending to cut himself w something I broke and he really did.

 

On some rare occasions though he seems different. Not flirty and obvious but kind of like brooding and in a weird head space. Maybe it's his current sitch and not me. We see each other at least 4 times a week 98.9 times initiated by him. So confused...why me?

Edited January 31, 2013 by Ashlyn
Want to

[will1988]

Ashlyn

 

It seems that your friend likes you. The reason he can be flirty one minute and stand off-ish the next is because one minute you are flirty and the next cold... therefore he sees it as a sign to stop what he is doing. However, your feelings seem to be confused as well. You seem to one minute act like you like him, and then the next make it seem like you've friendzoned him. Which is it? or is it complicated? Either way, the fact that he burns you with ciggs, acts controlling, and threatens suicide or self harm just to get your attention means not only does he like you (and probably is obsessed with you) but that he is crazy! So regardless of the fact that he may like you and you may like him, I'd say slowly wind down the friendship and stop flirting with him. If he is already capable of burning you with a cig and he is just a friend, think of what he would do to you if you two started dating! I am a heavy smoker and I've only put a cig out once on a friend and that was because we were really drunk and he and I thought it'd be funny... thats it (we were younger)! But this guy is putting them on you and you don't want him to! You don't need someone like that in your life. However, if you cut contact outright right now he will probably become more stalkerish. Your best bet is to slowly cut him out of your life.

 

Good luck!

[Ashlyn]

I should have distanced myself back when he got a gf... I don't even really know what my feelings for him are. Sometimes I like him more than a friend and other times I back off bc of the gf thing.

 

Just to elaborate the cigarette things happened while we were drunk. Still very strange. The first time he took my hand and pushed it back and I hit the cherry of the cigarette so maybe that wasn't intentional . The most recent time I he definitely did it on purpose bc I was giving him crap for the first time and it was a light burn but still. He's is crazy. The next weird incident was him cutting the top of his arm w a piece of broken glass not like slitting his wrists. He really did end up cutting himself and when he realized he did he apologized and said he had never done anything like that b4 and he was trying to freak me out but hadn't really meant to cut himself. He was again drunk but it was still extremely weird. He has this ex gf he still loves.. first love type thing and I guess he burned her w a cig too he decided to tell me that story after he did it to me...lol yes I realize how insane all of this sounds. I'm a tomboy type of girl who has brothers so I don't behave like a "typical girl" I'm tough, not super emotional, play fight, make fun of my buddies but I've never had a guy that I've become so close with and these were pretty isolated incidents considering how much we hang out.

 

One other weird thing he does is we have a mutual friend and sometimes when were hanging out he will say that he think the other guy and me should hook up. Then when I hang with the other guy without him he starts acting weird. Confused and will try distance!

 

Thank you!