Demanding friend- how to deal?

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I get together with my friend, "Mary", a few times during the year. We've known each other for a while, but during the last 2 years I've noticed a change in her. Whenever I talk to her, she seems anxious to see me and catch up. Then when we do, she'll make subtle jabs at me- regarding my appearance, romantic status, etc. Mary will also have a smirk on her face, not tell me why and laugh to herself about something. She'll ask me if I'm interested in women, since I'm single and don't have a bf. If I defend myself, she'll just say, "I'm just teasing" or "I was just waiting for a reaction." When I cut my hair shorter, she just kind of looked at it and smirked.

 

Mary will also give me the silent treatment if I am unavailable to get together. She didn't talk to me for two months because I couldn't attend her boyfriend's party, but then after not talking to me, I get bombarded with text messages, cards, and a phone call. (She asked if I was mad at her.)

 

Once when I saw her, she said, "Your outfits are always so pretty and your hair always looks so perfect." - So could this be why she makes all of these jabs at me?

 

I just don't understand why she acts like this because I'm interested in actually catching up and not being mean or childish. I don't want to see her, but then my mom wonders why I don't want to. I've tried to tell her how she is, but she doesn't get it. I feel like maybe it's just me sometimes and I'm the one with the problem.

[sadpanda87]

Be clear, that is to everyone.

 

Be frank, point out the problem as calmly as you can and explain it.

 

Some people wont understand until its crystal clear

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I just don't understand why she wants to hang out when all she does is make these snide remarks. She'll also say how she misses other friends of hers or how she wishes she had more friends.

[Kimbra]

My friend does the same thing to me. It's like they expect you to drop everything for them and do what they want to do. It is so annoying.

 

When we go out I feel like I always have to do what she wants. But like if I want to do something different to what she wants to do I am a bad person and get **** for it. .

 

I had her over one time and she was making snide remarks about my cooking (after going to the trouble of making her something to eat, there was nothing wrong with it, know my cooking is fine) and other things also. Totally can relate to those.

 

Then she wonders why I do not hang out with her as much anymore. LoL.

Edited December 30, 2012 by Kimbra

[Nyla]

She is jealous of you and trying to make herself feel better, by making snide remarks.

 

I had a "friend" like this before. Her life was crappy and mine was much happier by comparison. I kept giving her chances because I knew she was unhappy, but after a while I grew weary of the insults.

 

You don't need negative energy in your life.

[Teknoe]

She is jealous of you and trying to make herself feel better, by making snide remarks.

 

I had a "friend" like this before. Her life was crappy and mine was much happier by comparison. I kept giving her chances because I knew she was unhappy, but after a while I grew weary of the insults.

 

You don't need negative energy in your life.

 

I echo this post. Sounds like your "friend" is an "energy thief." I had one like this in HS that resurfaced in my life 2 years back. Don't think he was jealous of me though... he just loved taking jabs at me because he did back in HS and I never set my boundaries or stood up to him or called him out. I just took it like a B___ and he kept walking over me. One of my goals is to never let someone walk over me again. I am going to be assertive from now on, and not care about hurt feelings in order to please other people