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Jealousy Issues....


SunandMoon

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So I have a friend that I've never met, strictly online, yadayada ridiculously stupid thing; I fell for her. She has a BF and has no intrest in me. And I am trying my best to get over her. Which I have actually made great strides in but we both frequent a forum, regularly I might add. And she constantly posts about her BF, more recent things have really gotten to me. It has made it very difficult not to get upset that she posts such things with no respect for my feelings. And just before this I had really started to heal and forget. While somehow remaining on friendlyish terms with her.

 

But we can't really talk about it (just feelings towards her in that manner) nor can I mention it because I promised her I wouldn't (One I've stuck to throughly) as it stressed us both out. And I didn't want to cause her grief.

 

 

Also I thought about leaving the forum but in all honesty it makes for a majority of my socialization... and I like the people there a good bit, most times anyway.

 

I'm just not certain what to do. Because if it keeps on I am worried I will get bitter towards her (which I've already had such feelings before and overcame them) and blow up on her over these silly feelings, any suggestions on how to deal this? 'Cause I'm at a loss...

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todreaminblue
So I have a friend that I've never met, strictly online, yadayada ridiculously stupid thing; I fell for her. She has a BF and has no intrest in me. And I am trying my best to get over her. Which I have actually made great strides in but we both frequent a forum, regularly I might add. And she constantly posts about her BF, more recent things have really gotten to me. It has made it very difficult not to get upset that she posts such things with no respect for my feelings. And just before this I had really started to heal and forget. While somehow remaining on friendlyish terms with her.

 

But we can't really talk about it (just feelings towards her in that manner) nor can I mention it because I promised her I wouldn't (One I've stuck to throughly) as it stressed us both out. And I didn't want to cause her grief.

 

 

Also I thought about leaving the forum but in all honesty it makes for a majority of my socialization... and I like the people there a good bit, most times anyway.

 

I'm just not certain what to do. Because if it keeps on I am worried I will get bitter towards her (which I've already had such feelings before and overcame them) and blow up on her over these silly feelings, any suggestions on how to deal this? 'Cause I'm at a loss...

 

 

difficult situation for you to deal with Its unfortunate you fell for her......i know you said you like the people on the forum but you probably need not to read what she posts about her boyfriend, and stay away from the forum for a while....honestly you know its going nowhere she has a boyfriend you are probably not ready to be on friendlyish terms with her because you do not see her as a friend you see her as a girl that you have fallen for

 

 

you should be honest with her, maybe she might leave and spend more time with her boyfriend and you can continue posting to people you enjoy posting too.If it were me in her position and some guy admitted to me he fell for me online......when i had a boyfriend i would leave the forum i wouldnt feel comfortable with that....i would feel partly responsible....what made you fall for her? was there flirting or something non friendlyish said by her to you.....deb

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Leaving was something I didn't want to do. I did for like a week and I think I may have made her worry like crazy without intending to do so. :S I may need to, however.

 

I fell for her because she just has so many great qualities. I would sit here and list things but that seriously won't help matters. And pretty much she is way too good for the likes of me anyways.

 

She didn't flirt, I did, a lot via text. But she never much said anything about it until it just really got on her nerves. And yes even when she was with her bf I was flirting....I got caught up in it all and eventually she told me we shouldn't text anymore, other things happened and I ended up emotionally wounded/screwed and extremely mad at myself for not respecting her and her relationship.

 

I wronged her and profusely apologized, perhaps too much in fact.

 

I don't want to talk to her about it because I promised her I wouldn't mention my feelings. And talking to her about being jealous would hint at me still liking her....it would inadvertently break the promise. I know that's silly just I feel I owe her that much at the least.

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todreaminblue
Leaving was something I didn't want to do. I did for like a week and I think I may have made her worry like crazy without intending to do so. :S I may need to, however.

 

I fell for her because she just has so many great qualities. I would sit here and list things but that seriously won't help matters. And pretty much she is way too good for the likes of me anyways.

 

She didn't flirt, I did, a lot via text. But she never much said anything about it until it just really got on her nerves. And yes even when she was with her bf I was flirting....I got caught up in it all and eventually she told me we shouldn't text anymore, other things happened and I ended up emotionally wounded/screwed and extremely mad at myself for not respecting her and her relationship.

 

I wronged her and profusely apologized, perhaps too much in fact.

 

I don't want to talk to her about it because I promised her I wouldn't mention my feelings. And talking to her about being jealous would hint at me still liking her....it would inadvertently break the promise. I know that's silly just I feel I owe her that much at the least.

 

 

I know it must be hard but you are doing the right thing by her relationship and her and ultimately showing respect to her boyfriend, all good qualities to possess and one day when you fall for someone available they will hopefully treat your relationship with the same amount of respect that you have shown for another's......you will fall for someone else maybe not now or next week but one day...i wish you all the best......deb.....

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I know it must be hard but you are doing the right thing by her relationship and her and ultimately showing respect to her boyfriend, all good qualities to possess and one day when you fall for someone available they will hopefully treat your relationship with the same amount of respect that you have shown for another's......you will fall for someone else maybe not now or next week but one day...i wish you all the best......deb.....

 

Learned my lesson with it for sure. Thank you for that. I am still balancing pros and cons, but ultimately leaving seems the best I can do for now, may last the week then poof there at that forum for awhile.

 

I wish you the best as well.

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lilmiscassie92

Is there a way to block her so you can't read the posts she puts on this forum? I would do that if you could. But if the forum makes for the majority of your socialization, I wouldn't stop going on it altogether because of one girl. Maybe stop talking to her for a bit. Give it a few weeks or longer until you just stop caring about her and her boyfriend. Maybe stay off the site until then as well. Try to find other girls to talk to in the meantime

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Is there a way to block her so you can't read the posts she puts on this forum? I would do that if you could. But if the forum makes for the majority of your socialization, I wouldn't stop going on it altogether because of one girl. Maybe stop talking to her for a bit. Give it a few weeks or longer until you just stop caring about her and her boyfriend. Maybe stay off the site until then as well. Try to find other girls to talk to in the meantime

 

I can....that may be possible. It would really suck not to be there Christmas time and with things about to start up. It is an alternative and allow for some contact with her but only in controlled climates (subject matter/topics.) Hate to treat her like some malicious troll though. :( But you may be onto something.

 

Otherwise the plan is fading out from the forum and not going back for awhile.

 

Edit: And thank you.

Edited by SunandMoon
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ladyabstrused

Hey SM, what if you try to distract yourself? Try to put interest in other things or other people? I'm not sure if you can exactly rid your feelings for her so easily - cos feelings can't be forced. But you sure can steer your focus and thoughts away from her so you don't think of her so much... and with time, hopefully you can move past this feeling you have for her.

 

I'm sorry though to read about this. :(

Wish there's something I could do to help you.

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Hey SM, what if you try to distract yourself? Try to put interest in other things or other people? I'm not sure if you can exactly rid your feelings for her so easily - cos feelings can't be forced. But you sure can steer your focus and thoughts away from her so you don't think of her so much... and with time, hopefully you can move past this feeling you have for her.

 

I'm sorry though to read about this. :(

Wish there's something I could do to help you.

 

My life is wierd right now... has been for as long as I can remember, kind of a huge lull. I may be able to do that but with the way things are there would have to be a serious change in some direction in my life to distract me enough.... who knows maybe it is time to take that leap. Just seems as though luck is a pair of lead wings lately.

 

Yeah, it's a tough situation. I'm trying the ignoring her thing but keep clicking on her posts to unhide them - I just cannot resist because she is generally pretty nice, fun gal. But she is unknowingly, accidentally hurting me. And it just happened again a few minutes ago, actually. It is like living on a emotional minefield, ugh. Doesn't help my imagination gets the better of me. I will try and be more strict with what I do read, if that fails......I will have to leave that forum.

 

I've had the feelings for her since about January of this year and they steadily grew. Even when we stopped texting, been a little over 4 months now (time flies) still she is all I can think about at times, because when I read things it kinda resurfaces and I have to basically resuppress everything and get a grip. That takes its toll. Believe it or not this is me doing well, a couple months ago I was a complete basket case...

 

Thanks for the concern, ladyabstrused.

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ladyabstrused
Yeah, it's a tough situation. I'm trying the ignoring her thing but keep clicking on her posts to unhide them - I just cannot resist because she is generally pretty nice, fun gal. But she is unknowingly, accidentally hurting me. And it just happened again a few minutes ago, actually. It is like living on a emotional minefield, ugh. Doesn't help my imagination gets the better of me. I will try and be more strict with what I do read, if that fails......I will have to leave that forum.

 

I didn't think you should do this because of what a nice person she is according to you. I mean, on her end, it would feel as though she's being punished too (if the interaction with you matters to her) but it's really not her fault, is it?

 

But like you said, it's unknowingly and accidentally hurting you so it's probably for the best because you do have to think of your feelings here. I'm sure she'll understand if you've talked to her about this and she knows why you're keeping the distance.

 

This actually reminds me of a really good friend I made from here. We did get quite a bit close in the friendship but I wasn't fully healed from my issues and he felt that it wasn't doing him any good even though he claimed that he really liked interacting with me and basically he distanced himself away up to the point where we don't talk anymore now. Which is really sad for me because I truly enjoyed his friendship and would've loved to continue being friends. So.. I guess I am in this girl's shoes.

 

I've had the feelings for her since about January of this year and they steadily grew. Even when we stopped texting, been a little over 4 months now (time flies) still she is all I can think about at times, because when I read things it kinda resurfaces and I have to basically resuppress everything and get a grip. That takes its toll. Believe it or not this is me doing well, a couple months ago I was a complete basket case...

 

*Hugs*

Had no idea it was since such a long time ago. This must be torture for you, SM. :(

Keep strong, I hope you can shift your focus or keep trying to do that at least to help you move on from this. Eventually you will, I believe you will. :)

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I didn't think you should do this because of what a nice person she is according to you. I mean, on her end, it would feel as though she's being punished too (if the interaction with you matters to her) but it's really not her fault, is it?

 

But like you said, it's unknowingly and accidentally hurting you so it's probably for the best because you do have to think of your feelings here. I'm sure she'll understand if you've talked to her about this and she knows why you're keeping the distance.

 

This actually reminds me of a really good friend I made from here. We did get quite a bit close in the friendship but I wasn't fully healed from my issues and he felt that it wasn't doing him any good even though he claimed that he really liked interacting with me and basically he distanced himself away up to the point where we don't talk anymore now. Which is really sad for me because I truly enjoyed his friendship and would've loved to continue being friends. So.. I guess I am in this girl's shoes.

 

 

 

*Hugs*

Had no idea it was since such a long time ago. This must be torture for you, SM. :(

Keep strong, I hope you can shift your focus or keep trying to do that at least to help you move on from this. Eventually you will, I believe you will. :)

 

She is pretty nice, but I've noticed she has her mischeivous side. It's hard to read what is intended sometimes, but trusting her I give her the benefit of the doubt. I didn't completely ignore her, just on more life news related threads I avoided looking. I don't think I matter to her that much, really. I have no clue, she is like a vault. :o (Which I put a positive spin on, trustworthy for certain ya know?)

 

As I had said I would talk to her about it, but I made that promise. I really, really don't want to break that. Just... I fell short on my word a couple times when I was emotionally unbalanced. Trying my best to make up for it. And she is prone to panic attacks so I do my best to refrain from worrying her too much as I would just add to her stress. Don't want that. Last thing I want to do..

 

She probably hasn't even realized I have her on ignore because I still do interact with her in parts of the forum and PM her at times. But as far as jealousy she knows about that, I told her at one point before the texting stopped. I had kept it in check until recently. Just seems so alien to me, I don't get jealous, but feelings for someone will make ya do abnormal things.

 

And I am sorry to hear things went belly up for you two. :/ It was kinda like that between me and her, too (in regards to distancing.) Except she distanced herself, that hurt like hell, but she did it so I would get over her. And yeah we did reconnect a bit, not the same as before of course, just happy there is a little communication there. Even if I get a little shaken up from it. And you're kinda more in my shoes. I don't mind ya being that close, though. :laugh:

 

It is torture... And much appreciated, ladyabstrused. :) Maybe one day that friend will come back.

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ladyabstrused
She is pretty nice, but I've noticed she has her mischeivous side. It's hard to read what is intended sometimes, but trusting her I give her the benefit of the doubt. I didn't completely ignore her, just on more life news related threads I avoided looking. I don't think I matter to her that much, really. I have no clue, she is like a vault. :o (Which I put a positive spin on, trustworthy for certain ya know?)

 

As I had said I would talk to her about it, but I made that promise. I really, really don't want to break that. Just... I fell short on my word a couple times when I was emotionally unbalanced. Trying my best to make up for it. And she is prone to panic attacks so I do my best to refrain from worrying her too much as I would just add to her stress. Don't want that. Last thing I want to do..

 

She probably hasn't even realized I have her on ignore because I still do interact with her in parts of the forum and PM her at times. But as far as jealousy she knows about that, I told her at one point before the texting stopped. I had kept it in check until recently. Just seems so alien to me, I don't get jealous, but feelings for someone will make ya do abnormal things.

 

And I am sorry to hear things went belly up for you two. :/ It was kinda like that between me and her, too (in regards to distancing.) Except she distanced herself, that hurt like hell, but she did it so I would get over her. And yeah we did reconnect a bit, not the same as before of course, just happy there is a little communication there. Even if I get a little shaken up from it. And you're kinda more in my shoes. I don't mind ya being that close, though. :laugh:

 

It is torture... And much appreciated, ladyabstrused. :) Maybe one day that friend will come back.

 

It is quite a juggle to be watching out not to worsen her panic attacks and at the same time avoiding more hurt for yourself. :\

 

Indeed...feelings for someone will make you do abnormal things. Sighs.

 

Reading how she distanced herself, I realise I am more in your shoes than in hers. It did hurt for a bit.. I kinda wondered if it was anything about me that he didn't like that caused the distance, but he told me it wasn't and was honest about why (another reason) and I could see why. It sucks, doesn't it? But yeah, being in your shoes, I don't mind being that close either. :bunny:

 

Maybe, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high. I've learnt to shift my focus elsewhere. :)

 

I hope the days get better for you from now on. You need a new girl to take your mind off! :p

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It is quite a juggle to be watching out not to worsen her panic attacks and at the same time avoiding more hurt for yourself. :\

 

Indeed...feelings for someone will make you do abnormal things. Sighs.

 

Reading how she distanced herself, I realise I am more in your shoes than in hers. It did hurt for a bit.. I kinda wondered if it was anything about me that he didn't like that caused the distance, but he told me it wasn't and was honest about why (another reason) and I could see why. It sucks, doesn't it? But yeah, being in your shoes, I don't mind being that close either. :bunny:

 

 

It's something if I ever caused I would hate myself or if I had caused anything... Ugh. I'd much rather feel like crap than her be ill with worry or nerves.

 

It does suck. Yeah I too worried about such things, but I knew I had screwed up and it took forever to not have that plague my thoughts. I was very hard on myself. I just kind of had to forgive myself, which I really haven't, just do what I can to not repeat mistakes (like chasing a taken girl.) Really silly of me, didn't even realize what I was doing until things got super stressed.

 

Oh now you got bunnies here, too, huh? I'm sorry but no pets. :p

 

Maybe, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high. I've learnt to shift my focus elsewhere. :)

 

I hope the days get better for you from now on. You need a new girl to take your mind off! :p

 

I didn't mean to stir anything up there. :S But that is great you don't dwell on it. Happy for you there!

 

But alrighty lady.........abstrused. :lmao:

 

In all honesty though that is muuuuuuuuch easier said than done for someone like me. I don't have much experience with women, and not even a relationship lasting more than a month... and that is not even the only wall or outstanding wall, rather.

 

But I will find something to deter my thoughts of her eventually, a woman or not. And many thanks.

Edited by SunandMoon
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ladyabstrused
I just kind of had to forgive myself, which I really haven't, just do what I can to not repeat mistakes (like chasing a taken girl.) Really silly of me, didn't even realize what I was doing until things got super stressed.

 

I'm sorry you had to learn that the hard way. :\

 

Oh now you got bunnies here, too, huh? I'm sorry but no pets. :p

 

But I love bunnies and they're adorable! :mad:

 

In all honesty though that is muuuuuuuuch easier said than done for someone like me. I don't have much experience with women, and not even a relationship lasting more than a month... and that is not even the only wall or outstanding wall, rather.

 

But I will find something to deter my thoughts of her eventually, a woman or not. And many thanks.

 

Awww. :\

 

I hope you will find that something soon enough. Good luck on that. Keep me and the bunnies updated! :):bunny::bunny:

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Unless she's really clueless, I would think that she would have some idea as to how you would feel. I would think that it's mean of her, but then you say that it's a big part of your socializing, so it could be for her, too. I used to wonder how people could write so much on a message board, and now here I am doing it myself.

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I've just realized that my own comment could be hurtful (see? clueless ;) - I don't mean to say that she's deliberately hurting you. If you've told her you're okay, then she might believe you.

 

You could try a flower essence, or some sort of exercise to ground your thinking - I'll try to think of something.

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I'm sorry you had to learn that the hard way. :\

 

 

But I love bunnies and they're adorable! :mad:

 

 

Awww. :\

 

I hope you will find that something soon enough. Good luck on that. Keep me and the bunnies updated! :):bunny::bunny:

 

It happens.....

 

Alriiiiiiight the bunnies can stay then. :p They are adorab......

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Oh goodness they are multiplying :eek:

 

My shoes are not some rabbit snoo snoo joint, darnit! :laugh:

 

And can do.

 

@Anela: S'alright. She probably does know, but I am not gonna bother her with it unless she comes to me and asks or something. Which is highly unlikely. And she has more social outlets than me, for sure. I actually started up my exercise routine again just today since the whole hospital thing. lol

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ladyabstrused
It happens.....

 

Alriiiiiiight the bunnies can stay then. :p They are adorab......

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Oh goodness they are multiplying :eek:

 

My shoes are not some rabbit snoo snoo joint, darnit! :laugh:

 

Lmao you're hilarious. :lmao:

Rabbit snoo snoo? Lololol..

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snoo snoo = sex. Made famous by the show Futurama. lol

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Weren't there just six of you? :confused:

 

That's it, I need new shoes... :mad:

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ladyabstrused
snoo snoo = sex. Made famous by the show Futurama. lol

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Weren't there just six of you? :confused:

 

That's it, I need new shoes... :mad:

 

Whoa. Way too many rabbits now, SM. Don't think your shoes can fit us all.

 

I'm... all..... squished up...... here. :sick:

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I told you no rabbits, but noooo. Now my feet itch, darn horny rabbits. Hmm but I know a guy, he's always going on about wabbit season.... :p

 

Anyways just to update; so she had just gotten a job and thus doesn't have as much free time anymore....which means she won't be on the forum as often, or I'd guess. Which honestly sucks, but may turn out to be a good thing (already is great for her, so yay.)

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ladyabstrused
I told you no rabbits, but noooo. Now my feet itch, darn horny rabbits. Hmm but I know a guy, he's always going on about wabbit season.... :p

 

I know, I know.. I'm sorry :(

*removes all the rabbits* :(

There. Only me in your shoes. All alone. :confused:

 

Anyways just to update; so she had just gotten a job and thus doesn't have as much free time anymore....which means she won't be on the forum as often, or I'd guess. Which honestly sucks, but may turn out to be a good thing (already is great for her, so yay.)

 

Well, that's good to hear and it might turn out to be a good thing for you indeed. I hope this helps you at least to try to move on. :)

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I know, I know.. I'm sorry :(

*removes all the rabbits* :(

There. Only me in your shoes. All alone. :confused:

 

I don't have a foot fetish lady, but you are pushing it. :lmao: /jk

 

 

Well, that's good to hear and it might turn out to be a good thing for you indeed. I hope this helps you at least to try to move on. :)

 

Yeah, and she really isn't on as much. But since then we have been talking about a roleplay we are in (No, not that kind! The nerdy kind! lol) so still been around her. Then there was mention of group texting (between roleplayers) which has me super nervous, so long as it stays on topic I guess it would be fine if it happens.

 

But I've been more strict with avoiding those more life related thread posts she makes and I haven't gotten that upset since. So yay. I really may just be able to ignore it or if I do accidentally see something numb it.

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ladyabstrused
I don't have a foot fetish lady, but you are pushing it. :lmao: /jk

 

Foot fetish, eh? :love:

:p:p:p:p

 

Yeah, and she really isn't on as much. But since then we have been talking about a roleplay we are in (No, not that kind! The nerdy kind! lol) so still been around her. Then there was mention of group texting (between roleplayers) which has me super nervous, so long as it stays on topic I guess it would be fine if it happens.

 

But I've been more strict with avoiding those more life related thread posts she makes and I haven't gotten that upset since. So yay. I really may just be able to ignore it or if I do accidentally see something numb it.

 

Good for you, SM. I'm glad you're at least moving towards the positive direction here. And yes lol I was immediately thinking of that kind of roleplaying when you said it - good thing you saved yourself in the nick of time. :p

 

But that's so cool! So you actually roleplay through chat so it goes on like a script? That sounds fun. Glad you at least still can have that with her. That is if it's not hard on you to do that. :)

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Foot fetish, eh? :love:

:p:p:p:p

 

Well I may not be big on feet, but we can explore other options. :p Possibly like, roleplaying. ;):laugh:

 

Good for you, SM. I'm glad you're at least moving towards the positive direction here. And yes lol I was immediately thinking of that kind of roleplaying when you said it - good thing you saved yourself in the nick of time. :p

 

But that's so cool! So you actually roleplay through chat so it goes on like a script? That sounds fun. Glad you at least still can have that with her. That is if it's not hard on you to do that. :)

 

Thanks, I'm trying my best to. And teehee.

 

Yup and just started doing so recently. Well, we still interact otherwise, and I have yet to bump into her character (who is kinda mean), lol. I picked it up because I was bored and it is difficult for me to sit, focus and try to write.

 

It isn't difficult with that kind of thing, just when she mentions her BF and the like I get a bit wonky, emotionally, still. But have kept that in check to a degree there lately. Just have to fully accept the fact that that is the way things are. So long as she has her fun and is happy, ya know?

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