bsacamano69 Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 My friend and I recently admitted to one another that we are in love with each other. We’ve tried dating twice in the past, but it didn’t work out. I never really knew why, I just assumed she didn’t really like me and was just giving it a shot for the hell of it. But she recently told me that she has serious intimacy issues. The other day she told me she’s been really wanting to kiss me, but she just can’t bring herself to do it, and I can’t make the first move either because then she’ll feel uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it, and as far as we know there’s no identifiable cause for it, she just can’t show affection. We do hangout, but we talk on the phone way more often than we actually see each other. So she told me that if we hangout more often she’ll probably get comfortable enough to the point where she’ll want things to escalate. She wants it, but at the same time she finds things like kissing and holding hands as being really ‘corny’. I guess my question is: Is there hope for the two of us? I don’t want to push her or force anything on her, so I’m trying to be patient, but at the same time I feel like the more time goes by the less likely it is for anything to happen between us. I don’t want to change her, I just want to help her overcome her fear of intimacy… Is there any way I can do that? I want her to get comfortable with me at her own pace- no pressure, but I also don’t want to be ‘on hold’ forever. And I know that this sounds like I’m just thinking about what I want, but I actually do care about her and her wants, and if nothing ends up happening between us I am still more than willing to just be her friend without expecting anything more. Any advice would be helpful here. Link to post Share on other sites
PlanetJanet Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Well I don't know either of you, but if a person has such serious intimacy issues that they do not want to hold hands or kiss, something is wrong. Prior sexual abuse in her life, traumatic experiences with other men? Has she had a boyfriend or sexual partner before? I guess you could settle in for a long slog through her issues and see if she will let you get close to her eventually. With patience it could work out well. Or not. Sadly it seems like a big red flag to me. Link to post Share on other sites
episkopos Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Could it be that you are not close in terms of friendship? Perhaps you should concentrate on nurturing the friendship now and allow time to develop into a good relationship. Also watch out for what you truly feel about each other - is it just lust or love? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 My friend and I recently admitted to one another that we are in love with each other. We’ve tried dating twice in the past, but it didn’t work out. I never really knew why, I just assumed she didn’t really like me and was just giving it a shot for the hell of it. But she recently told me that she has serious intimacy issues. The other day she told me she’s been really wanting to kiss me, but she just can’t bring herself to do it, and I can’t make the first move either because then she’ll feel uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it, and as far as we know there’s no identifiable cause for it, she just can’t show affection. We do hangout, but we talk on the phone way more often than we actually see each other. So she told me that if we hangout more often she’ll probably get comfortable enough to the point where she’ll want things to escalate. She wants it, but at the same time she finds things like kissing and holding hands as being really ‘corny’. I guess my question is: Is there hope for the two of us? I don’t want to push her or force anything on her, so I’m trying to be patient, but at the same time I feel like the more time goes by the less likely it is for anything to happen between us. I don’t want to change her, I just want to help her overcome her fear of intimacy… Is there any way I can do that? I want her to get comfortable with me at her own pace- no pressure, but I also don’t want to be ‘on hold’ forever. And I know that this sounds like I’m just thinking about what I want, but I actually do care about her and her wants, and if nothing ends up happening between us I am still more than willing to just be her friend without expecting anything more. Any advice would be helpful here. Speaking from experience with intimacy issues the more tiem you spend together it is easier to express feelings its a matter of reading each other the more you know the more is shown.....and then it becomes naturally easy........just take her hand when you cross the road dotn drop it as soon as you get across the road but hold on a few seconds longer intimacy can start in the simplest ways.....in the small things.....casual touches.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
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