Friends of opposite sex and dumb GFs!

[ShyOne82]

Has anyone here dealt with friends of the opposite sex and their jealous SO's?

 

I have alot of male friends and they are slowly diminishing because of their girlfriend's insecure asses. What pisses me off is that I knew all of them before their gfs came along and I've had my bf's and think is sooo unfair when they try to make my friends cut me off, and delete me off facebook which is so lame.

 

Women feel so threatened by me for NOOOOO REASON which is another reason why I have very few female friends.. quite depressing. I want to talk about girl stuff too!!

 

I have male friends.. I dont sleep with them! It IS possible to have friends of opposite sex with no problem. Their effing gfs make it so hard. First off, why do women try to eliminate other females when they should be more concerned about there SO's actions? So backwards.

 

I don't care about my bfs' friends unless it was someone he used to date, or sleep with.. I known these fellas for a long time, they are my best friends.

 

What do you all think? Is it worth me having male friends who have gfs?

[sally4sara]

I think part of the reason why you don't have many female friends is indicated in your post - your assumptions about their motivations show an underlying contempt for female company.

If you have male friends and the ability to not use that as a springboard for some sexin, I'm not sure why it would matter to you if the female friend of your BF was someone they once dated, learned why a relationship wouldn't work between them and that person and moved them into friend status.

 

I could assume you're too full of insecurities to be "as cool" as I am. And I'm sure it would do wonders for you wanting to be around me and friends with your BF.

 

You can understand that your guy friend is a friend only so I don't see how knowing them longer than their new GF would matter. They are just as capable as you of recognizing the difference between friend and intimacy partner so you, being their friend and not their GF will not be getting more consideration for having known them longer than the GF. Expecting to get that would likely ruffle some more all ready ruffled feathers.

 

We often get back what we project and it sounds like you project an air of superiority to women, especially the ones dating your guy friends.

[midkirby]

You need to respect the relationships that your friends have. Their best friend should be their girlfriends. The girlfriends now come before you do.

 

I have tons of male friends, but I can't say that I am friends with all of their wives or girlfriends. That is okay. We do engage in harmless flirting, but I would never disrespect their relationships. I don't want to be with any of them anyway.

 

I have a boyfriend who has a couple female friends. One of them is married and in the early part of my relationship with him, I was suspicious of her, but nt anymore. I know he loves me and only wants to be with me.

 

The other female he used to date at one time. She certainly didn't respect our relationship and much less herself by sending him racy texts. He had to tell her to back off because he is in love with me. I told him he doesn't have to stop talking to her, just tell her that they will only be friends... Ever.

 

I too have few female friends, because most are men. I honestly don't trust women because I think most are snakes trying to get with someone else's man because they can't find their own.

 

Treat people and other relationships the way you would want your treated.

 

I also have a good friends that I have had for years who is a guy, and he respects my relationship and doesn't contact me often. It's all about mutual respect for yourself and others.

[darkmoon]

"What do you all think? Is it worth me having male friends who have gfs?"

 

you must accept that you represent a threat to them, and show consideration to them by bowing out, fact is you must be pissing off the glfriends, right, her man her rules that's the way it works.

 

you have brought this on yourself by pissing them off.

the girl stuff? you could have picked a less personal topic to demand

 

better luck next time, i see a major learning curve and the capitals you used in your post are shoutings, so stop being so attention seeking, learning curve

[ShyOne82]

I don't know what made you all believe that I'm not respecting the relationship. We used to hang out, but I live in another state now so I see them when I see them. The girlfriends are actually mad at my friends because they've kept me around. So they've been gearing their anger towards me. I haven't done anything to them. They are simply jealous

women.

 

People have the right to have friends and I never implied that I was fighting for time or that I want to come first. The issue is these women wanting control over their men, meanwhile they have male friends of their own.. this is a double standard. I am far from insecure. I carry myself with dignity. To whoever said I need to step back.. lol im far enough in a different state. My guy friends communicate and reach out to me most of the time.. I never bother them, I have my own life.

 

"Their gf should be their best friend" comment is truly a bunch of garbage. People have friends. A relationship isn't prison. In my relationship I spend quality time with my man and i spend time with friends when i have the time.. Its about trust. You can't eliminate every woman off the planet. As a matter of fact, some guy added me on fb and his gf deleted me.. i never talked to this person, we have a mutual friend and that was it! Women always see me as a threat around their man and its insulting.. instead of worrying about me.. build some more trust in the relationship. I'm the innocent one here I swear. I mind my own business, I don't cause trouble. These gfs don't like the idea that I get along well with their bf.

[ShyOne82]

"What do you all think? Is it worth me having male friends who have gfs?"

 

you must accept that you represent a threat to them, and show consideration to them by bowing out, fact is you must be pissing off the glfriends, right, her man her rules that's the way it works.

 

you have brought this on yourself by pissing them off.

the girl stuff? you could have picked a less personal topic to demand

 

better luck next time, i see a major learning curve and the capitals you used in your post are shoutings, so stop being so attention seeking, learning curve

 

Wow.. I apologize for not having internet forum etiquette..smh. I don't see how I am seeking attention. That's insane.. quit being insensitive.. you don't know my life nor the whole story to even say I pissed them off.

[SpiralOut]

I can see where you are coming from, as I have had that happen before. I had a falling out with a friend's girlfriend, and she had me excluded from that social group until she and my friend finally broke up EVEN THOUGH I was friends with them before she started dating him. Now that she's out of the picture, he has gotten back in touch with me. He told me she had lots of issues and he's so happy to be away from her. And now another friend of mine has a girlfriend who is obviously insecure. I saw that right away about her so I have backed way the hell off and don't say anything bad about her.

 

Best way to deal with it is just back off, find other people to hang out with until your guy friends come around. And they may not, in which case, they're not worth it anyway.

 

Have you spoken to your guy friends to find out why their gfs don't like you? Maybe you are accidently doing certain things that really bother them.

[It's Just Me]

Have you spoken to your guy friends to find out why their gfs don't like you? Maybe you are accidently doing certain things that really bother them.

 

Oh, come on, now. Some women are just insecure. Doesn't matter what age.

 

I'm in my late 40s. Large circle of friends (80% women) going back a long, long time. One of the few guys in the circle finally met a girl through a hiking group we were all in. We all thought she was great. We noticed that she was a bit cold to all of us, and could not let him have a conversation with any of us unless she was within earshot.

 

Within a couple of months, we were no longer hearing from him, we were removed from his FB, and he removed himself from the hiking group. Non of us had ever slept with him, nor fancied him. He was just a friend, and a part of the gang. To this day, we still wonder what happened, but no one dares ask him.

 

It happens.

[SpiralOut]

Oh, come on, now. Some women are just insecure. Doesn't matter what age.

 

I'm in my late 40s. Large circle of friends (80% women) going back a long, long time. One of the few guys in the circle finally met a girl through a hiking group we were all in. We all thought she was great. We noticed that she was a bit cold to all of us, and could not let him have a conversation with any of us unless she was within earshot.

 

Within a couple of months, we were no longer hearing from him, we were removed from his FB, and he removed himself from the hiking group. Non of us had ever slept with him, nor fancied him. He was just a friend, and a part of the gang. To this day, we still wonder what happened, but no one dares ask him.

 

It happens.

 

Umm....why are you arguing with ME about this? I am in agreement with the OP, unlike every other person in this thread besides you.

 

It wouldn't hurt the OP to just ask if she's doing anything offensive. That's what I always do when I find myself in that situation. Sometimes people calm down a little bit when they see that you care enough to ask that question. Insecure women have certain triggers that set them off. I'm not saying stop doing everything that annoys her, but I don't see what's so bad about figuring out what pushes her buttons.

Edited August 10, 2012 by SpiralOut

[ShyOne82]

Ok, well I did talk to my friend and he told me that she just doesn't like the idea.. she didn't really give him a reason. All she did was force him to cut me off and delete me off Facebook. He told her that I wasnt going anywhere bcz we are just friends. So I'm guessing she thinks its more because he won't let me go. Im in Georgia for goodness sake.. what am I really going to do. Weve known each other for years. I don't even call him out of respect.. when he calls i answer. If im in town, we hang out when possible. We aren't joined at the hip. Honestly, women don't always have a legitimate reason for disliking another female. Lack of trust is the issue.. because Im irrelevant. If i were to make a pass at my friend and he gives in.. who is at fault? The guy of course!!. His actions matter not mine. If 100 girls threw themselves at him, she should be confident that he'll make the right decision. Blocking every woman that comes his way is the worst thing to do. Anyways if she continues to harass me, I will def fall back so they can work on their relationship. It sucks, because I don't have many real friends that have my back but whatever..

[NoMagicBullet]

This is probably the root of it:

 

... I honestly don't trust women because I think most are snakes trying to get with someone else's man because they can't find their own.

 

Even if you respect your male friends' relationships, there are so many other women out there who don't and won't. Sooner or later, nearly every woman ends up being suspicious of any woman who seems to be a little to friendly with or a little too close to her man.

 

I have a long distance male friend with a fiance, and she was suspicious of me, despite the fact I live several states away, we only communicate by e-mail once a month or so, and there was nothing ever romantic between me and this friend. (In fact, I had encouraged my friend to pursue the relationship with her.) Still, I understand that because of the bad behaviour of many other women out there, she was not sure I could be trusted. I didn't take this personally. I got a chance to meet her in person, and after a nice meal with the three of us (me, her & him) my male friend later admitted to me that his fiance had been uncomfortable with my friendship with him, but after meeting me, she felt a lot better about it.

 

I think part of your problem is that you are taking this way too personally. It would help your situation a lot if you stop focusing on yourself and be a little more understanding that these women have valid fears of losing their BFs to a female friend -- because it does happen! -- even if they have no reason to believe that you specifically are going to go after their men in the future. Actually, the more you protest it and make an issue of it, the more they will be convinced that you want their BFs around as more than just friends.

 

"Their gf should be their best friend" comment is truly a bunch of garbage.

 

No, it's not garbage. It's not a statement that one can't have or keep existing friends when they get into a relationship, it's acknowledging that the intimate relationship takes priority over all others, including long-term friends. Even platonic same-sex relationships go through difficulties when one friend gets into a relationship and no longer puts as much time or energy into the friendship. Are you sure that it's all the fault of these guys' GFs? That it's not them choosing to make changes in their own lives, including their friendships, to prioritze their relationship with their SO?

 

You keep blaming these other women entirely and discuss in detail their jealous, insecure motives (as if you can see perfectly into their heads), place no blame on the male friends (except that they cave in to what you assume are the GFs' demands to get rid of you), and you are most emphatic that you are not to blame in any of this. Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.

 

I think you really need to take a good, long look at yourself, how you respond to these guys and their GFs, and your general attitude to the situation, which strikes me as very selfish. You mentioned Facebook -- it could be a problem with the kind of photos or other content you are posting. Are you showing a lot of skin, leg or cleavage? A lot of drunk party photos? Posting suggestive comments and material? No way would I let my man "friend" a woman with that kind of stuff on FB! Again, you need to take a look at what you are putting out there, on FB or in real life.

 

I also find this statement of yours telling:

 

Women feel so threatened by me for NOOOOO REASON which is another reason why I have very few female friends.

 

If women find you threatening when men aren't involved, then you are doing something that is keeping them away. Honestly, I find you kind of off-putting just in this thread. You go on about how the sorry state of your friendships is all other people's fault and that you are totally blameless. You don't seem to be willing to stop, think, and say "Well, maybe I could have done something different here..." or "Maybe I can look at this in a different way...." To me, you seem too self-absorbed, very judgmental of others, and not willing to take personal responsibility for how you might contribute to the problem and/or how you can fix it. If you came across like this if I met you in real life, I'd definitely avoid you.

 

Yeah, I'm being judgemental of you here in this thread, but you posted asking for advice, so I gave it. (BTW, if you are simply looking for people to commiserate with you, LS is not the place to post.) Back to your original question, I think the only way you can have males friends with GFs is if you do some work on adjusting your expectations for the friendship, reconsider how you come across to people, and work at being more empathetic and sensitive to the concerns of the GFs, whether you think their concerns about you are justified or not.

[NoMagicBullet]

I was composing my rather length reply to your OP when you posted the new info.

 

... If i were to make a pass at my friend and he gives in.. who is at fault? The guy of course!!. His actions matter not mine.

 

Oh, no, honey! If you make a pass at him, it is your fault for starting something! Your actions do matter. Own them and take some flipping responsibility for them and whatever nasty consequences come from them.

 

It sucks, because I don't have many real friends that have my back but whatever..

 

After your last statement, I can see why. You have no sense of integrity or personal responsibilty, and you show a distinct lack of trustworthiness. No, you should not have guy friends unless they're gay, because no woman in her right mind will let you be her man's "friend".

Edited August 10, 2012 by NoMagicBullet
spelling

[ShyOne82]

This is probably the root of it:

 

 

 

Even if you respect your male friends' relationships, there are so many other women out there who don't and won't. Sooner or later, nearly every woman ends up being suspicious of any woman who seems to be a little to friendly with or a little too close to her man.

 

I have a long distance male friend with a fiance, and she was suspicious of me, despite the fact I live several states away, we only communicate by e-mail once a month or so, and there was nothing ever romantic between me and this friend. (In fact, I had encouraged my friend to pursue the relationship with her.) Still, I understand that because of the bad behaviour of many other women out there, she was not sure I could be trusted. I didn't take this personally. I got a chance to meet her in person, and after a nice meal with the three of us (me, her & him) my male friend later admitted to me that his fiance had been uncomfortable with my friendship with him, but after meeting me, she felt a lot better about it.

 

I think part of your problem is that you are taking this way too personally. It would help your situation a lot if you stop focusing on yourself and be a little more understanding that these women have valid fears of losing their BFs to a female friend -- because it does happen! -- even if they have no reason to believe that you specifically are going to go after their men in the future. Actually, the more you protest it and make an issue of it, the more they will be convinced that you want their BFs around as more than just friends.

 

 

 

No, it's not garbage. It's not a statement that one can't have or keep existing friends when they get into a relationship, it's acknowledging that the intimate relationship takes priority over all others, including long-term friends. Even platonic same-sex relationships go through difficulties when one friend gets into a relationship and no longer puts as much time or energy into the friendship. Are you sure that it's all the fault of these guys' GFs? That it's not them choosing to make changes in their own lives, including their friendships, to prioritze their relationship with their SO?

 

You keep blaming these other women entirely and discuss in detail their jealous, insecure motives (as if you can see perfectly into their heads), place no blame on the male friends (except that they cave in to what you assume are the GFs' demands to get rid of you), and you are most emphatic that you are not to blame in any of this. Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.

 

I think you really need to take a good, long look at yourself, how you respond to these guys and their GFs, and your general attitude to the situation, which strikes me as very selfish. You mentioned Facebook -- it could be a problem with the kind of photos or other content you are posting. Are you showing a lot of skin, leg or cleavage? A lot of drunk party photos? Posting suggestive comments and material? No way would I let my man "friend" a woman with that kind of stuff on FB! Again, you need to take a look at what you are putting out there, on FB or in real life.

 

I also find this statement of yours telling:

 

 

 

If women find you threatening when men aren't involved, then you are doing something that is keeping them away. Honestly, I find you kind of off-putting just in this thread. You go on about how the sorry state of your friendships is all other people's fault and that you are totally blameless. You don't seem to be willing to stop, think, and say "Well, maybe I could have done something different here..." or "Maybe I can look at this in a different way...." To me, you seem too self-absorbed, very judgmental of others, and not willing to take personal responsibility for how you might contribute to the problem and/or how you can fix it. If you came across like this if I met you in real life, I'd definitely avoid you.

 

Yeah, I'm being judgemental of you here in this thread, but you posted asking for advice, so I gave it. (BTW, if you are simply looking for people to commiserate with you, LS is not the place to post.) Back to your original question, I think the only way you can have males friends with GFs is if you do some work on adjusting your expectations for the friendship, reconsider how you come across to people, and work at being more empathetic and sensitive to the concerns of the GFs, whether you think their concerns about you are justified or not.

 

 

Oh lord.. I feel like I have to explain EVERYTHING. I dont have any sympathy for this particular girlfriend. Why do I owe HER respect? There's no girl code, we're not family.. i dont know her.. If my buddy cared about her so much he would have cut me off a long time ago. Its his job to keep is own relationship going, not me. I give him advice the best way I can and thats it. He's my best friend. Yes, your spouse can be your best friend, but not your only friend. If your relationship is already prioritized, whats wrong with having friends? This isnt about picking and choosing, who gets more time, who's more important bull crap. I never said anything about wanting to hang out with him all the time. I couldnt do that anyway. My post is about gfs who bitch at there men for NO REASON. You all assume that I must have not knowing the whole fricken story

 

Im not asking for everyone to agree with me.. I do want advice.. when the situation is completely understood. I feel like some of you guys are taking what I said and creating your own scenario.

 

I'd have more respect for her as a "woman" if she was true to herself. First of all, this woman had a text message in her phone from another man that said "did I eat you out good last night" Ok. well.. couple days later she sees a few back and forth messages in his inbox. Innocent messages and blows up at my friend. She sends me a message that said "Since you and Larry are facebook friends.. maybe you can find him somewhere to live" That message was unncessary given the fact that she's been receiving dirty messages and gets all bent out of shape when she sees that he is talking to a female. ITS ALL GUILTY CONSCIENCE and unfair. She's doing her dirt and is trying to control him so he cant do the same thing. Earlier in the post I did mention: "The issue is these women wanting control over their men, meanwhile they have male friends of their own.. this is a double standard" I was referring to that situation. I didnt know I had to give every bit of detail for ppl to understand.

 

At the end of the day I will always be there for him. Its his relationship and his job to keep the whore happy. He added me back on facebook yesterday. I dare her to get mad. Hmm.. which is worse, dirty text from another man or innocent conversation about music from a friend in another state? EXACTLY. I appreciate the responses, though

[midkirby]

I'm glad someone agrees with me. Finally.

 

I agree that if she makes a move, it would be her fault also. Women should take responsibility for their actions. There are a lot of women who have no morals and would attempt to get with a man if you had a girlfriend. That is fact. I hate to say this, but it does sound like you're a little jealous.

 

I do think you are being a good friend by giving him needed advice. I don't understand why he would stay with her after finding that text message. Sounds like he needs to walk away from her.

 

I'm in my early 40's and I can say that I dont trust any woman. For me, trust has to be earned, not automatically given.

 

Knowing more of the story though, I can understand your dislike for her. If he is smart, he will get out. In the future, hopefully you will take the time to have talks with your friends girlfriends and let them know you aren't interested.

[darkmoon]

"Has anyone here dealt with friends of the opposite sex and their jealous SO's?"

 

these men you'd do anything for...they asked this of you?

[sally4sara]

No, you should not have guy friends unless they're gay, because no woman in her right mind will let you be her man's "friend".

 

Umm I don't remember voting for you as the spokesperson for women. Some of us just see other women, even the ones our male SOs meet first, as people. People who may or may not be compatible for a friendship with them too. You're as bad as people who think any guy in his 30s who likes children, even ones he didn't help produce are pedos. Some people are just nice.

[SpiralOut]

I can see why this chick annoys you. I still think that part of being a good friend to someone is trying to get along with his girlfriend, even if you don't like her. Whether or not she's a "whore" or whatever else doesn't change the fact that she's a part of his life and he made the choice to put her first. Seeing as how you don't live in the same city as them, it makes sense that you can't invite her out for tea and crumpets, not like you should ever have to do that anyway. By get along I just mean, the two of you being civil with each other.

 

Does she know what you think of her? If she's sensing hostility from you - and she probably is picking up on your attitude, even if you try to hide it - that's just going to aggravate her even more and she'll try even harder to cut you off. I think you mentioned that you have a boyfriend. Does she know that? I find it odd that she has a problem with you in that case. Most women I come across feel threatened by single women, but feel more at ease with women who are in a relationship.

 

When you get together with your friend, does the gf ever come along? Have you actually met each other face to face?

Edited August 10, 2012 by SpiralOut

[Els]

Honestly, the way you state things in your OP makes me cringe. Do you genuinely believe that if ALL your male friends' gfs have problems with your relationship with their bf... the problem is everyone else except you? That's hardly logical. Plenty of other women have at least a few female friends if they want to have them and try to make them, and plenty of women can be friends with each other without all this love triangle jealousy. Your pool of friends is not just limited to your guy friends and the girls they date, you know. Why not look for female friends elsewhere?

 

Also, I may just be obtuse, but I have been friends with guys with gfs before, and there's rarely been jealousy between me and those girls. Sure, guys and girls can just be platonic friends, but a lot of it depends on what that friendship entails. If you just do buddy things with the guys, and act like one of them when you're with them, you're all good. If you want to go into deep emotional talks, lots of one on one time, etc.. you're asking for it. Those guys have every right to respect their gfs' wishes and feelings, and to limit such interactions with you. Of course you're coming second to the guys' gfs. You're supposed to. Any bf worth his salt would put his gf above other girls.

[ShyOne82]

I'm glad someone agrees with me. Finally.

 

I agree that if she makes a move, it would be her fault also. Women should take responsibility for their actions. There are a lot of women who have no morals and would attempt to get with a man if you had a girlfriend. That is fact. I hate to say this, but it does sound like you're a little jealous.

 

I do think you are being a good friend by giving him needed advice. I don't understand why he would stay with her after finding that text message. Sounds like he needs to walk away from her.

 

I'm in my early 40's and I can say that I dont trust any woman. For me, trust has to be earned, not automatically given.

 

Knowing more of the story though, I can understand your dislike for her. If he is smart, he will get out. In the future, hopefully you will take the time to have talks with your friends girlfriends and let them know you aren't interested.

 

I would never make a pass at my male friends but I strongly disagree. It is still the mans fault. You cant blame other people who have nothing to do with their relationship.. its cruel esp if a woman knows he is taken, but it doesnt matter. She took part in it yes, but she also didnt hold a gun to his head. It is his relationship and his fault the dummy messed up. Women have it in their mind that most men are weak. Why deal with them if you have to be on the look out for other women? That is so stupid to me. If men are that weak.. thats something he needs to work on.. lol how can u blame the other person.. i so dont get it but we all can agree to disagree.

 

LOLOL Im not jealous at all. What am I jealous of.. I dont get it. That whole comment about who's fault it is and bla bla was hypothetical. It didnt happen sheesh. I still have my friends.. I just hate dealing with their jealous gfs

 

Yea I try to give him advice.. I never tell him to leave her.. He can make his own decision. He's actually moving out soon. UPDATE: His gf came back from NYC and he seen an opened family pack (LOL) of magnum condoms on top of her clothes in her suitcase!!! WHHAAATT!!! He had already seen it and in a split second she moved it as he heard her scuffling around. (im just telling on his business on here.. lol) so anyway he doesnt say anything and hes in the bed with her.. she tries to sleep with him and being a smart ass he asks her to get her condoms and she says she doesnt have any. All I can say is wow. That is ashame. So why the BLEEP is she soooo concerned about my friendship with him?!?!?! Crazy right? UGH this is draining.

 

Oh yea, I wish I couldve talked to her when they got together but I was already gone and she was already bitter..soo.. its pointless. Thanks for the response

[ShyOne82]

Does she know what you think of her? If she's sensing hostility from you - and she probably is picking up on your attitude, even if you try to hide it - that's just going to aggravate her even more and she'll try even harder to cut you off. I think you mentioned that you have a boyfriend. Does she know that? I find it odd that she has a problem with you in that case. Most women I come across feel threatened by single women, but feel more at ease with women who are in a relationship.

 

When you get together with your friend, does the gf ever come along? Have you actually met each other face to face?

 

Larry got into a relationship months after I left. And I only visit once a month to see my family. It seems like larry has been talking about me to her which is a big no no. I personally didnt know she existed until my last visit. She knew about me since they got together but recently sent me that stupid facebook message that said "Since you and larry are facebook buddies.. maybe you can find him somewhere to live" I did snap. So it was back and forth until i decided to stop. Before I knew she was a whore, I explained to her that we are just friends I dont want him and if she did read the messages she would see that Im not a bad person.

 

They are having problems and she's mad because he is in a happy place with his friends..(not just me), and not her. I'd be jealous too if im always arguing with my man and I read messages with LOL's and talking about music and stupid stuff. I get it. Im never around so maybe she is more concerned about the emotional connection?

[ShyOne82]

Honestly, the way you state things in your OP makes me cringe. Do you genuinely believe that if ALL your male friends' gfs have problems with your relationship with their bf... the problem is everyone else except you? That's hardly logical. Plenty of other women have at least a few female friends if they want to have them and try to make them, and plenty of women can be friends with each other without all this love triangle jealousy. Your pool of friends is not just limited to your guy friends and the girls they date, you know. Why not look for female friends elsewhere?

 

Sweety, this thread isnt about my female friends. All Im doing is discussing the topic I posted about. These people live in another state!!! I am no way near them. I have other friends FYI

 

Also, I may just be obtuse, but I have been friends with guys with gfs before, and there's rarely been jealousy between me and those girls. Sure, guys and girls can just be platonic friends, but a lot of it depends on what that friendship entails. If you just do buddy things with the guys, and act like one of them when you're with them, you're all good. If you want to go into deep emotional talks, lots of one on one time, etc.. you're asking for it. Those guys have every right to respect their gfs' wishes and feelings, and to limit such interactions with you. Of course you're coming second to the guys' gfs. You're supposed to. Any bf worth his salt would put his gf above other girls.

 

Your right THEY have the right to respect gfs wishes and he hasnt.. because she is in the wrong. Again, this post was never about who comes first or second. Im not worried about that.. that is expected. DUHHH and its not even an issue.

[freestyle]

It seems like larry has been talking about me to her which is a big no no.

 

Who is it a "no-no" with? You, or her?

I'm just looking for clarification before I post further.

[NoMagicBullet]

Umm I don't remember voting for you as the spokesperson for women. Some of us just see other women, even the ones our male SOs meet first, as people. People who may or may not be compatible for a friendship with them too. You're as bad as people who think any guy in his 30s who likes children, even ones he didn't help produce are pedos. Some people are just nice.

 

Didn't appoint myself as the spokesperson for all woman, nor am I seeking the role. I gave my own opinion on the specific matter of the OP having male friends based on her own statements. You don't have to agree with my opinion. You don't have to like. Feel free to offer your own opinons, by all means disagree with me, but don't put words in my mouth.

 

Maybe try arguing the point why the OP should be trusted instead of making a personal attack on me and bringing up unrelated issues.

[SpiralOut]

Larry got into a relationship months after I left. And I only visit once a month to see my family. It seems like larry has been talking about me to her which is a big no no. I personally didnt know she existed until my last visit. She knew about me since they got together but recently sent me that stupid facebook message that said "Since you and larry are facebook buddies.. maybe you can find him somewhere to live" I did snap. So it was back and forth until i decided to stop. Before I knew she was a whore, I explained to her that we are just friends I dont want him and if she did read the messages she would see that Im not a bad person.

 

Why did her facebook message upset you so much? I'm asking because I don't know the story behind it. It's a weird thing to send to someone you don't know, but why did it make you snap?

 

Some of the other things you said in this thread make me wonder if your friend is telling you too much information about his relationship. It's good to give advice and listen, but I'm wondering if in your case it's actually causing problems. Why is he even telling you these things? So she had a package of condoms in her suitcase, so what? Knowing that you and his gf aren't getting along, you would think he would keep this stuff to himself instead of giving you more reasons to hate her. I'm starting to wonder if he enjoys having two women fight over him, because that's what you're doing.

[freestyle]

Why did her facebook message upset you so much? I'm asking because I don't know the story behind it. It's a weird thing to send to someone you don't know, but why did it make you snap?

 

Some of the other things you said in this thread make me wonder if your friend is telling you too much information about his relationship. It's good to give advice and listen, but I'm wondering if in your case it's actually causing problems. Why is he even telling you these things? So she had a package of condoms in her suitcase, so what? Knowing that you and his gf aren't getting along, you would think he would keep this stuff to himself instead of giving you more reasons to hate her. I'm starting to wonder if he enjoys having two women fight over him, because that's what you're doing.

 

 

This is what I'm suspecting---there are some people who will set up a triangulation like this either:

 

to get an ego stroke

 

to play the *victim* for attention

 

to keep a gf/bf jumping through hoops by keeping the "threat" of a potential rival/competitor nearby

 

It's possible that the guy friend is orchestrating this, is what I'm saying.

Just a possibility.