TeeZee Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I am 44 and live in a large city. I find it challenging to make new friends as most people in my age group have families (I am single). I find that most of my friendships are kept alive by my effort alone. If I don't call, I don't hear from most of the people in my life. That doesn't seem right, and bothers me a lot. I don't think I'm choosing the wrong people- they seem nice, just not super interested, but this keeps happening. Any advice on this? I've asked people who have lots of friends how they do it, but they can't explain it- seems to be something you "have" or you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
InBloom Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I have a friend of 20+ years that i've recently decided i'm going to stop contacting. It's always I that initiates anything, unless He needs something from me. We live on opposite coasts. We're both married now with families. I'll email to say hello, ask how his job is going, ask about the family and he'll definitely answer but he never does the same. In fact, i really thought the other day "Why do i bother? He's a sour kinda guy, fun at times but mainly a sourpuss, unlike myself..Why am I friends with him again?" I have another friend that i'll call to say hello, see if he wants to hang out when he's free and he won't call me back for weeks and just be "So sorry dude, i'm lame, just been way busy". I'm understanding of that, people are busy... but you can just say now is not good and respond, can't you? I'm genuinely a nice guy, laid back and like to find out how people are, what's going on in their lives, but i'm not nosey. I don't pest people. I'm not annoyingly bothering people either. I would help out any one of my friends that needed it. Maybe I should start acting like a d*ck and see if that works. Joking of course but, but it's a strange thing for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I think that if people were interested in maintaining a friendship with you, they too would intiate conversation. Just for one person to do it makes the friendship seem one-sided. It takes two to make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
djmm Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 i am having similar issues, a person a worked with just left for a new job, she said she talked to me soon but i dont think she'll stay in contact. i usually initiate conversation but it is mostly one-sided. I agree with you The Outlaw but i also think it is the people too, people are selfish and tied into their own thing, they dont necessarily make time for others. It is frustrating but it is part of life. i wont be contacting my former work friend. i put too much effort into it to have it not returned, not to have 50-50. its too bad. Link to post Share on other sites
InBloom Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 It is frustrating but it is part of life. i wont be contacting my former work friend. i put too much effort into it to have it not returned, not to have 50-50. its too bad. It is a shame. But I agree, if you give and give and try and rally a get together between you and a friend and get the constant let down, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I am one of those people that doesn't know how to pick up a phone. For some reason my wrists are broken when it's time to keep in contact. Knowing how I can be I let everyone know I don't know how to pick up a phone. Also I don't listen to messages. If you catch me, your lucky. That is just the person I am. Sometimes people are like that but also life is so complicated there is no time. What you can do is continue being you. I know you hate having to do all the work but at times peoples lives are more compact than yours and that gives you more time. Also I notice people are quick to call someone their friend. Not because you have known someone for a while doesn't make them your friend. Friendship is something that is built over time, years. Start looking at people that you've just met as associates. Link to post Share on other sites
djmm Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 you are right too emme. but i dont understand if someone contacts via phone, text, email, that can't return communication. i can only pin it on selfishness. i could be wrong but i dont get it. i know people are different and i also know if you put in 50 you may not get 50 back but it just behooves me, that is all. i guess i have too much hope or try for too much good standing in people and continued to get let down. i dont want to lower my standards but it is tough. Link to post Share on other sites
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