ing a friend with loss

[Country_Girl]

**Title should be, "Helping a friend with loss" (won't let me edit that)***

 

So, I have a guy friend I've known for about 4 months now. We don't really chat on the phone, we text every day or every other day and hang out 1 to 2x a week. He found out 2 months ago that his brother was dying. The brother was supposed to have 3-5 months to live.

 

1.5 months ago, when my friend found out the news, he suggested I take pics of him and his brother (since I do freelance photography) to give their dad for fathers day. Unfortunately, the brother did not live as long as the doctors originally gave him, and passed away a few days ago.

 

So...I'm trying to figure out what to give him as a sympathy gift. I could frame some of the photos of him and his brother, but that's what he gave his dad for fathers day, so I want to be original and not send a lame sympathy card. Not that a card is lame, but I want something with more thought put into it.

 

I found a website that will plant a tree in deceased persons memory, it dedicates the tree to them and tells you where it is planted. Does that sound like a good idea?

[sb129]

The photos are still a good idea- after all if he gave them to his dad chances are he doesn't have any of his own left.

[Country_Girl]

The photos are still a good idea- after all if he gave them to his dad chances are he doesn't have any of his own left.

 

Thing is, I thought of that, but I gave him all the copies on a CD- so he could print whichever ones he wanted at any given time. Thing is, will he? probably not...so that's why I'm thinking it "might" be a good idea, because he might not go through with the effort.

[quankanne]

something I've done as an adult is request a Mass celebrated in the deceased person's name at the Catholic church they attend. I think it helps the family understand that while their loved one is gone, others still think about him/her ... but that's a Catholic thing.

 

the tree is a beautiful idea; you can also do a memorial in the brother's name to a charity that the family favors, or if there's a scholarship set up in his name, donate to that.

 

if you're still at a loss, find out what the brother was interested/involved in, and tailor it around that maybe?

[Finch]

I feel the photos are a good idea as well. However, I would suggest perhaps compiling a small album of photos rather than framing any. Your friend may not be ready to have photographs hanging on his wall or in frames on tables just yet. The constant reminder might be too hard at this point. But if you give him photos in an album he has them to look at when he feels up to it, and can also choose to have them framed, or even enlarged, if he likes.

If you can get in touch with any of this other friends you could also try getting copies of some other photographs as well, to add to the book.

The tree idea is nice, but it would depend on where the tree was located. Ideally it should be somewhere in close proximity to where he lives, a park perhaps. A tree somewhere across the country wouldn't have as much meaning, in my opinion.

My boyfriend feels that a good sympathy gift would be one that makes the receiver feel even just a little better. He feels that photographs, while thoughtful, could be just a reminder of what he has lost, and may be more appropriate to something like a one year anniversary remembrance. Something that makes them think "this is okay - I'm going to be okay". What might make your friend feel better would be up to you. He says he would try to do his best not to heighten the sense of loss at this time.

Now that I think about it, he raises a good point. Your friend is going to be grieving for a while. Your gift shouldn't trivialize his loss, but it also doesn't have to be related to the loss. It could be something just for him, that brings up good thoughts. It could be tickets to a movie, a sweet or funny book - anything that you know he would like. Just something to let him know you are thinking about him.