Why is my friend treating me like this?

[chelle21689]

I was friends with this guy a couple years back and we were pretty close and we were confidants to one another. He had a fiancee who he was deeply in love with and I had a boyfriend of 5 1/2 years that I was in love with also. He stopped talking to me because his gf was jealous of me.

 

About a year ago she broke up with him because she wanted something different. 6 months ago my bf broke up with me. We both became friends again confiding in one another because we went through the same things: long distance relationships in California and Ohio, long term relationship, being heart broken.

 

He wanted to date me but I wasn't interested. He then thought me and his friend would be a good match so he had us meet. We hit it off and have been dating for 5 months now.

 

Since then, my friend has kept distance and whenever he talks or sees me he insults me like saying I'm ugly. Or if I ask a question on Facebook he'll say something mean and sarcastic. I highly doubt he has feelings for me. I know he's still not over his ex. Once in a while he'll open his heart out to me about how much he misses her.

 

Anyways,

 

Why do you think he treats me so mean with insults?

 

For those that think it's because he's attracted to me, why would he introduce me to his friend if he wanted to get with me? My cousin said he gave up so he thought his friend would be good for me.

 

We now talk ONCE in a while if I initiate conversation. He's good friends with my cousin though so I see him sometimes.

[davesoprano]

The sarcastic remarks and cruel insults are his way of venting. He's probably pissed at you for not wanting to date him, but even more pissed that you chose to date his friend over him. Him setting his friend up with you was probably a test to see if you would turn his friend down like you turned him down. If you had turned his friend down, he probably wouldve thought like "ok, she's probably still hung up on her ex and so is not ready to date any other guys yet!" But since you chose to date his friend instead of turning him down, he probably took it as a sign that you specifically had a problem with him or that maybe you don't find him attractive enough or whatever. If you're still concerned (which I'm sure you are) then confront him about his behavior and ask him why he chose to hook his friend up with you in the first place.

Edited July 27, 2011 by davesoprano

[mal129]

Yes I agree with Daveo. I'd like to add that he might of been reading material on 'how to turn a friend into a girlfriend'. Part of the strategy is to tease and neg your friend. He might be new to it and his teasing might be need some fine tuning, or your might interpret his words as insults given that he is probably your quintessential nice guy and this seems out of character for him.

[tink08]

It almost sounds like this is his response to being turned down...he doesn't know how to deal with it. Confront him if you really want to get to the bottom of the issue.

[SillyS]

I never think its a good idea to be friends with the opposite sex if one party lets know that there is more there. That's not what being a friend is and when dealing with male friends, you really need ones that are totally platonic and that understand there is never going to be anything between the two of you.

 

If he felt this way, and acted on it, and he is not the type of male friend you need. Male friends are really the voice of reason, they help explain things, bring humor and fun to things. They do not ask us out and then belittle us. He was never really your friend, and the insults and mean comments are just his way of showing he wanted more from you than what he ended up getting in the end.