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friends but wanting more


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Hello Everyone,

 

I'll give you the scoop, and then let me know what you think. Please be gentle as this is still fresh.

 

So i've been friends with this coworker for about 4 or 5 yrs. I started to like her about 2.5 yrs ago. When I started liking is also when she started dating this other guy. (as I write this out i know how stupid this sounds, but you can't help who you like). So i just was there for her and so on, but my feeling kept growing and growing. Over the course of 2 yrs I was in LOVE with her, ,and she knew that (as I told her) and she was fine with that. Never said I love you back or anything. I know this may not of been the best time to say that as she was recently divorced, and had a BF. she was tough as she wasn't so willing to open up and share her feelings. I used to do things as she asked me to do things for her. like babysit her kids, pick up groceries, lend her money, take her out to eat, drive her places, etc. Whatever I can do make her life easier, as she had 3 kids, and was a single parent. and i did that over the course of 2 yrs, but lately i was feeling like this isn't enough. she would say were best friends, but we would never hang out with out a purpose like getting groceries, or picking stuff up. and lately it always seemed like she would only contact me when she needed something. I've always wondered why she wouldn't just ask her BF, i'm sure he'd be happy to do it. or if i wasn't so "helpful" would we be as close as we were.

 

when I told her today that I want to be your friend, and I care about you....but I need time to get over my feeling for you so I can be there for you as a friend she was like so were not freinds, ok bye.....

 

Now I know it sounds like she is using me.....but we got along so well, and we could joke. She isn't the to open up, and she did to me.......she would bring me lunch at work and stuff.......

 

I know what my friends think......but please tell me as I'm regretting what I did, and am so confused and conflicted.

 

sincerely,

lonely and depressed (joke)

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whichwayisup
I started to like her about 2.5 yrs ago. When I started liking is also when she started dating this other guy. (as I write this out i know how stupid this sounds, but you can't help who you like). So i just was there for her and so on, but my feeling kept growing and growing

 

This was your first mistake..Allowing yourself to continue to have feelings for her and allowing them to grow by being there for her.

 

when I told her today that I want to be your friend, and I care about you....but I need time to get over my feeling for you so I can be there for you as a friend she was like so were not freinds, ok bye.....

 

Now I know it sounds like she is using me.....but we got along so well, and we could joke. She isn't the to open up, and she did to me.......she would bring me lunch at work and stuff.......

 

I know what my friends think......but please tell me as I'm regretting what I did, and am so confused and conflicted.

 

You are her friend, but she isn't yours. I hope you see this now.

 

And yes, you did the right thing and if she had any care and respect for you as your friend, she would understand that this is painful for you and you being inlove with her, being around her is hurting YOU. It's the only way for you to work through this.

 

The question is, can you get over her? Do you want to or are you hopeful that one day she will realize she wants you and break up with her boyfriend?

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The question is, can you get over her? Do you want to or are you hopeful that one day she will realize she wants you and break up with her boyfriend?

 

I'm sure I can get over her...with time. I'm not sure if I was hoping she would leave her BF or what my aim was. I honestly don't know....I was just being there for her.

 

Your advice is along the other given to me by my friends. But everyone seems so strong.

 

Thank you "whichwayisup" this is exactly what I needed.

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Sorry I want to add one thing.

 

She has kids. and the youngest I always picked up from school and we play, and we have play dates with each other. He often asks of me to play with him and i will come over to play or babysit.

 

I don't want to hurt him because I'm not around anymore. What if he wants to play? Is there a way to distance myself from her, and still keep my obligations to him?

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