Losing my closest friend, feel so lonely

[dramadramadrama]

OK so I'm 25 and feel far too old to be having silly problems like this.

I have been part of a group of friends for years, we have mainly got o there are controlling members of the group so there have been arguements but these have mostly been resolved and as we have been friends for so long its a bit like family if we argue we forgive as thats the kind of person they are. we have all moved around for uni etc. I moved back and have been in the area for the last 2 years, in the time I have got close to 1 friend in particular, (my best friend is in london and not always available)we phone alot and were spending alot of time together. we are currently living in different places so had been talking about moving in with each other. During this time shes had boyfriends, I've had a boyfriend but have always kept in touch.

In january she got a new boyfriend and since then has been spending less and less time with me (I would expect this) I am single so try not to dwell on it (keeping busy etc) as I think if I had a boyfriend the situation would be a bit different, however I have always invited her out with me if shes not had plans and i've been doing stuff with a boyfriend so I think that i've been letting her ditch me too much.

So I had an accident, tripped and broke my nose split my lip etc had to have stitches, have been pretty much a state and for someone who I thought was always there for me. She didnt even come around,she text on the day asking if I was going on a date, I advised how serious it was and she still didnt come round.I have been home alot and getting more and more upset because I feel so lonely. She text a week later saying she would come round soon and didnt, decided to have chinese with her boyfriend and go to zumba instead.She went to see another of my friends on saturday (emily from london) who she asked 'hows her face heeling' and my friend told her that I would welcome company as I havent been out much at all. I have not heard of her at all since then. But my last message to her was I miss you we should catch up soon. so I cant see what I could have done to make her not bother, we used to be so close and now I feel like she doesnt care at all. I feel so upset about it,

 

I havent contacted her again because I'd like to see if she will actually bother contacting me, and I guess if shes doesnt care enough then Its a natural end of a friendship?

 

to top it off, which is another aspect im trying to deal with, my girl mates (who all live across the uk) were planning a weekend away for 2 birthdays, I am not on facebook,(emily is on fb so had told me but not the details,) they had sent emails arranging it a while ago and text me the thursday before last (a week after they sent the first email) saying they were going to spain and I would need to decide if I wanted to come, with having everything on my mind I'd replied saying that my sister wanted to go on a holiday but I would check dates on the weekend but should be able to, admittedly it is my fault because is slipped my mind (in and out of hospital)

I found out on saturday (from emily who had seen chloe, and told her that she thought Id wanted to go, emily wasnt going because shed already had plans, they hadnt actually contacted her to check if she wanted to go for definate before booking either)that they had all got together on the saturday(week before) and booked the holiday, now I could have gone, they hadnt contacted me to remind me or check whether I wanted to go, They had all got together and booked it, Including chloe, who I would have expected to call me before she was going, or at least text and ask why I wasnt at nics, instead they all arranged it with no second thought.

I have spoken to one of the girls asking if theyd booked it and she said sorry assumed you werent coming, and offered the flight details. i declined and said have a good time.

 

other than that I have said nothing to anyone, it killed me though, felt like Id had my heart ripped out that they would do that, like the honestly dont care at all.I dont want to cause any confrontations, and they are the kind of people that if I say something they will turn it round on me. When all i've done is been recovering, at home really lonely, cant see what I have done to be excluded like this.

Every inch of me wants to never speak to any of them again, because I feel deep down that it was an act of bitchiness - when I know if it was the other way round I would be phoning all of them asking why they werent coming away on a group hol (i hadnt said no) and trying to persuade them because a holiday without them wouldnt be worth it? its called a group holiday for a reason

 

what would you do? currently still heard nothing from my main friend, she hasnt contacted me since shes been told I would like company and hadnt known about spain being booked. I am thinking about leaving it all entirely and not speaking to them at all. But I end up blaming myself, I honestly cant see what I could have done to deserve this?

And perhaps its a sign that its better to be surrounded by people who care, than people who clearly dont- I saw a psychic not long back who said so much, she said they werent the friends for me that Im surround by jealousy and not genuine people.Just throwing away all the years is tough.

 

Reading through this it doesnt sound like a big deal, its just I know what they are like and feel like they have gone out of there way to exclude me, otherwise why wouldnt you double check on the day. When I asked michelle she was so quick to reply 'have a good time with your sister' that its like shes done it on purpose when I had said clearly I should be able to come just have to check.

 

I feel much better by just writting it down, gets it from spinning around in my head. Perhaps it just feels worse because I have everything else going on, but as my close friends I would have expected some support from them not to have them all going behind my back.

I have heart problems, and where I've broken my nose they have refused to fix as it would put my heart at risk. its left me feeling pretty rubbish .

 

Please give me some advice!

 

Thanks

[Maoky]

Honestly, it seems like you're just a tag-along for them, so your presence or absence wouldn't really matter to them. And you definitely deserve better! If I were in this situation, and I was, then I'd still be friendly with them, but form new friendships through other places/events. I'm so much happier now with my new group of friends, and I feel much more appreciated now; I still talk to my old friends, and I still love them but I don't feel like there's enough chemistry for me to regularly hang out with them.

 

That's just me though. Whatever you decide to do, just please don't stay in bed and think about this stuff too much. Get out and do anything =) Best wishes!

[dramadramadrama]

Thanks, im feeling much more positive about it all now. My friend finally contacted me and said when are we meeting up, I said nicely that I was really hurt about the booking of the holiday ( I had said this previously with no response) it'll be a while before I am ready to forgive, hope shes ok etc. so nice and friendly as I honestly feel fine with it now, but out of respect for myself Im not just going to forgive and forget without an apology. I need to look after myself and being surrounded with people who clearly dont care isnt good for the soul.

No response from my message- I know if it was the other way around id be going out of my way to makesure she was ok. So simply I have learnt a valuable lesson. And just feel so much better that I trusted my instincts.

 

Thank you for responding it so nice.

 

So I am getting on with things, making plans with other people and not feeling so damn miserable any more! Glad thats over xx