Hazel_eyes Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 When I was dating my now husband he had a very close best friend. I met my husband at university so this friend drove up to come meet me. That night this friend, lets call him "Paul" kept doing everything he could to try to get me alone. This didn't sit well with my guy at all and was making him very mad. My then boyfriend finally reached the inevitable and had to use the restroom leaving me alone with Paul for a moment. Paul looked at me and said alright there is something you need to understand right now if this is going to work out between the 3 of us. I was confused and told him to continue and he looked at me dead serious and said that I would have to accept that I will never be as important to my then boyfriend as Paul was, that I will never come between them, and that their love was profound and deeper than any love between a man and woman. My boyfriend then joined back up with us so I didn't get a chance to respond. Later that night Paul told my then boyfriend that he didn't want him to see me anymore. This was a conversation that REALLY didn't sit well with me and kinda freaked me out. Is this normal for a guy to feel this way about his best friend? Was I wrong to be upset by this? In case you are wondering Paul got extremely jealous and possessive as my relationship with my now husband and did even weirder stuff that resulted in my husband being creeped out and ending the friendship with Paul. And no, my husband didn't agree that their love could ever be as deep as the one he hoped to have with his future spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hazel_eyes Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) I had thought the gay thing too, but Paul insisted that he is 100% straight. I do know that he doesn't think highly of women and sees them more as sex objects and talks about women in those terms. My husband told Paul almost 3 years ago that he no longer wants to be friends, but over the last 3 years Paul still insists on sending Facebook messages (no matter how many times he is blocked he makes more accounts), emails, my husband plays World of Warcraft and he somehow found him on there, sends letters and keeps trying to make contact. The problem is that he is friends with my husbands family to the point that he calls them mom, dad, sister, etc. My husband has made it clear to his family that he doesn't want to see Paul yet they insist that my husband 'get over it' and befriend him again. So they provide Paul with our contact information and what not. We will be making a trip to visit the family soon and they told Paul! A message was sent from him and he has said that he is making sure to take a vacation to try to see my husband while he is there. It's just weird. I am trying hard to make logical sense of it but i just cant. Edited January 18, 2011 by Hazel_eyes Grammer Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 To answer your question OP- "Is This Normal?" In my opinion, no. But it does happen........friends will try to sabotage their friend's relationships if they're afraid of getting left behind. It's incredibly immature, and self-serving. A true friend will be happy for you when you meet the love of your life, and will understand that they can no longer be center stage--they will step aside graciously, and allow you to pursue your happiness. The fact that Paul went behind your H's back to try to intimidate you & scare you off is unforgivable in my book. He presumed to put words in your H's mouth , when he claimed that your H would never love you as deeply. If one of my friends took it upon themselves to interlope in my love life, and pulled my significant other to the side, presuming to speak my heart (all behind my back) that would be an automatic one-way trip to the curb. I would never tolerate a friend trying to triangulate like that. Your H was wise to get rid of this friend, it's a shame that his family won't respect his point of view---just keep ignoring his attempts at contact.Relationship saboteurs are beneath contempt, in my book. By the way, OP---I've been through something very similar--I had an old friend of my SO's pull me to the side , the very first time she ever met me, and proceed to lecture me about how I could "Never really understand ****...." because XYZ, as she was sure there was probably someone "better for me......" Uh huh. Yeah right.......:rolleyes: Transparent much?? So , it's not normal......but it does happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hazel_eyes Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thank you so much for your response! His family feels that since he knew this friend before me that he should have taken first priority. They were clear on that and they try to make me feel bad all the time for "ruining things". Sometimes I listen to his family and say well maybe there was just something wrong about me, maybe I really wasn't good enough for my husband and this guy knew it right away, maybe it was my fault, etc. I try to justify his actions by saying there was something wrong with me. Yet I do recognize that my personality is one that will always assume things are my fault. I just needed a neutral parties opinion, so thank you. Paul also verbally went after me the very first time he met me too. I just wish he would get the hint and go away instead of sending cards on my anniversary to my husband pleading him to talk to him because "my heart longs for you." Thanks again for the response, it was much appreciated. I hope things worked out between you and your SO difficult friend. Link to post Share on other sites
beerman101 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) It normal to be jealous like paul is but he took it to a whole new level. It's an adjustment when a good friend becomes serious with a girl but we have to life our lifes. The wife becomes number one eventually but the other can still be like a brother to that person. Each person hold that special type of relationship,it's not worth worrying where we fit with someone if they still value us as a good friend. Someone I knew meet a girl,it was becoming serious and a 3rd friend was like paul. The person was doing odd things and became a total *******. Now he is no longer around. I think you did your husband a favor,possessive people like paul are a cancer. I am slowly learning how some people I know are possessive and need to cut them out of my life. They truly are sick in the head,sometimes we can't do nada abt it. Edited January 28, 2011 by beerman101 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts