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Lost contact w VERY good friend selfishlessly


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My best, best friend of 7+ years...our kids were like sibs, all basically grown up w each other and she was there throughout my entire divorce and subsequent singledom. I got into a relationship about a year ago where I effectively dissed all of my friends to spend time w the guy. She was the only one who understood my lovesick puppiness when I wouldn't call for days. Its now been several months since we last spoke, and in this time she's sent me random 'jerk' and '*******' texts-I know implicating she's mad @ me, duh. I love her dearly and want to reconnect the friendship, but I'm a little too ashamed to come crawling back, NTM, she's stubborn as hell and will make it difficult for me. What's the best advice for making this happen?

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AND what if she's not even interested in having the friendship w me?!

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Swallow your pride and just be honest with her. Tell her how you feel about things and about how things went down in the past. Tell her you want to patch things up.

 

That's all you can do. The rest is up to her. It's up to her to decide what to do. You can only control what you do and what you say. If she decides that she doesn't want to reconcile, then that's her decision. You have to respect that and move on. You can't force her to make the decision you want and you have to respect her wishes that you hurt her too much in the past and she's not willing to make things work.

 

You have to undertand that it sucks when you are there for someone and they all of a sudden ditch you for someone new in your life. Yet at the same time, she has to understand that if you found somone new then you are obviously going to spend more time with him. It's just unfortunate that you didn't find a working balance between the two.

 

If the friendship has been strong for that long I think she'll understand and the two of you can work on patching things up. Above all else, just be honest with her. Don't blame her, don't accuse her, don't tell her how she's supposed to feel. Just speak from the heart about what you did and how this all makes you feel, and that you are sorry for what has happened.

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I love her dearly and want to reconnect the friendship, but I'm a little too ashamed to come crawling back, NTM, she's stubborn as hell and will make it difficult for me.

It's not necessary to beat-up on yourself or to carry around any guilt. You made mistakes with this friendship and you deserve your own forgiveness. But she deserves an apology. Because...

 

Actually, it was you who made things difficult: You were careless with her feelings and you abandoned the friendship when you found something "better". She's already lived through all of that, already felt the pain and the shame of it. Why should you get a "free" or "easy" pass now?

 

At this point, of course you will have to make concerted efforts and endure some discomfort for the friendship. That's just the consequence of you having shown her how easily and willingly you can put her way, way down on your priority list.

 

Now it's about you demonstrating that you really understand what you did wrong, about showing remorse, promising to do better, and asking for another chance. Yes, you must humble yourself. (Why ever not?) It's just your own consequence of your own prior action, which was inconsiderate and unfriendly.

 

If this friendship truly is that important to you, then of course it is up to you to do the difficult work to get it back to where it was before you took it all for granted. Your friend as already done her share of the suffering and feeling humbled for and by the friendship. It's your turn. Don't ask for her understanding but for her forgiveness and a second chance.

 

And. I hope that she gives it to you, and that your friendship will prove strong and lasting.

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  • 2 weeks later...
My best, best friend of 7+ years...our kids were like sibs, all basically grown up w each other and she was there throughout my entire divorce and subsequent singledom. I got into a relationship about a year ago where I effectively dissed all of my friends to spend time w the guy. She was the only one who understood my lovesick puppiness when I wouldn't call for days. Its now been several months since we last spoke, and in this time she's sent me random 'jerk' and '*******' texts-I know implicating she's mad @ me, duh. I love her dearly and want to reconnect the friendship, but I'm a little too ashamed to come crawling back, NTM, she's stubborn as hell and will make it difficult for me. What's the best advice for making this happen?

 

Don't let excuses or fear of her making it difficult for you keep you from contacting her. Just do it. You'll be glad you did. True and good friends are a rarity in this world and once found, should be kept even if it means eating some crow from time to time. If she's a true friend, which it sounds like she is, she'll be happy to hear from you, will understand, and forgive you. Just call her.

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