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How to deal with single friends


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My girlfriends and I have been best friends since high school and some of us since 1st grade (I'm 23). We have always considered ourselves to be very close and very lucky to have stuck together through the years as you may know that a close group of girlfriends is sometimes hard to come by. We've all had our share of ups and downs in our lives and been able to help each other through them all. All 6 of us have been in long term relationships (some 5 years or more) that haven't worked out and we've been able to keep each other sane through all of it. It wasn't until this past year that we started to have problems. One of the girls and I have found new great guys. We both are looking at settling down and the other girl actually lives with her boyfriend right now. So of course, we don't spend quite as much time with the girls as we used to. We have tried our best to not alienate our friends in any way and try to always make time for them as well as our boyfriends. The rest of the girls get along great with our boyfriends so at times we all go out together. The problem is, our single friends are starting to seem resentful towards our happiness. It seems they are all there when something goes wrong, but now that 2 of us have somthing going great, no one is supportive. The ones that are single have had many opportunities to date guys but choose to be single claiming "it's more fun" and "there is no one to answer to" and they can just "get up and go." I think that's great and us 2 so called "married" girls try to be supportive of their wild ways so why can't they be supportive of our happiness? We can't even mention our boyfriends names when they aren't around w/o getting some kind of complaint. But yet when we go out with the single friends, they go out looking for boys and we end up just sitting there. We no longer have just "girl's nights" anymore. Is there a happy medium to any of this? And how can I make my friends be there for me in good times and bad?

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I think its just part of growing up, but maybe it also shows what kind of friends they are.

 

My friends and I always seem to be in different stages of relationships. I'm now in a great relationship and two of my good friends are not. Obviously they don't like hearing me ramble on about my girlfriend and how great she is, because maybe it shows them what they're missing. But I get bored when all they talk about is work. We make time to listen to the other person, but still seem to make time for each other.

 

I dunno... friendships grow apart sometimes. Its sad, but its natural.

 

What about suggesting a girls night out, and leaving the boyfriend talk at home? Would they even be up for that?

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I love girl's nights and I'm more than willing to leave the boyfriend at home if I'd actually be spending time with the girls. We used to have no problem sitting at someone's house just us girls and drinking and talking about everything before we were 21. Now it seems that we can't go anywhere without having to check out the local bars, clubs, etc. which would be fine if the girls could just sit and enjoy each other's company but right away the single girls are off trying to hook up with guys. I think that if the 2 of us with boyfriends can't bring them along on so called girl's nights then the single girls should give up guy hunting that night too. I've been on girl's nights with the single girls and they have left me at a table by myself to flirt and dance with other guys. Well I'm happy in my relationship and not interested in meeting other men. There just doesn't seem to be a happy in between stage for all of us.

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Yup I hear ya. I've talked to a few of my married friends, who all of a sudden like hanging out with me more when my gf's with me, because they said once you're married its weird hanging out with single people trying to pick up people, and asking if that girl's hot when you're wife is sitting right there.

 

I dunno what to tell you I guess. When i mentioned leaving the boyfriend talk at home i wasn't even thinking of the single girls leaving their prowling at home too. Why not suggest that as well. I would think you'd be able to just tell them, hey i feel like we're drifting about what with our relationships and you all guy hunting. Lets leave all boys out of it for tonight and have fun. Dunno tho... if i said that to my guy friends i think they'd beat me. :)

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I am in a similiar situation at the moment, although on the other side of the fence! I have a group of about 5 close girlfriends and we have known each other for around 4 years. We have all only been involved in casual relationships most of this time and have spent our uni years going out to bars and clubs together. Now 2 of the girls have become 'serious' with their resepctive boyfriends and it has split the group. They are only interested in sitting around a restaurant or at home chatting or going to movies while the rest of us are still keen to go out and pick up guys. Even the conversation has changed - we always used to laugh about bad dates and sex but the attached girls deem their sex lives too personal to discuss openly now. It is also frustrating to go to a club with them because they inevitably sit and mope and then go home early. I don't want to waste my 20s doing things I can do in my 30s and 40s - I want to have as much fun and meet as many people as I can, but it is difficult when your friends change their lifestyles. I guess my only advice is to try to compromise. Good luck!

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I'm not exactly sure why it is that the only mode of socialization is going out to bars. What about movies, restaurants, concerts, the zoo?

 

If you are friends, isn't it because you enjoy each other's company and can't you do that someplace other than a bar? Or are all you people calling people 'friends' when what you really were was people to keep you company while you drank and catted around?

 

What about bowling, swimming, playing pool? Where's your imagination?

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