fiat500 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I've had a long distance friend for about 11 years. When we were both in grade school we used to stay up late and chat all night or talk on the phone about girly things. I think 11 years is a long time. In the beginning of this month she cut ties with me. I first noticed a change in her personality about a year ago when the wedding planning started. It was understandable. She was under a lot of stress. But then she wouldn't talk to me about stuff she was upset about, claiming that it was private and her fiance wanted to keep their relationship matters between them and she agreed to that. Okay. So I called her and left her a nice message a few days after her wedding, wishing her well and hoping that she has fun on her honeymoon. I see her online a week later but she didn't respond to my text so I email her asking her how her wedding went. She responds with that it was horrible and she didn't want to talk about it nor did she want to send me pictures because it was personal to her. Um. Why so bitchy? That was the last I heard from her. I sent a couple of nice emails but never got a response. I'm sad over it because we've known each other since we were kids. I don't like losing friends nor would I ever throw one out like she did to me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Well, she said it was horrible and she didn't want to talk about it. I have no idea what that means concerning a wedding and honeymoon? Whatever her issue is, whether she's going through something bad or not, it does seem, unfortunately, that she's moved on from your friendship and prefers not to confide in you or really even stay in touch. I know it's sad for you since you had been so close, but this happens with friendships over time. People do drift apart and it's never the same. Give it a few months and reach out again - maybe she'll be in a better place at that time. Maybe not. They say you never really know who your lifelong friends will be until the end of your life. And that you'll be lucky if you have 3 or 4 lifelong friends to count. Treasure them. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I've had a long distance friend for about 11 years. When we were both in grade school we used to stay up late and chat all night or talk on the phone about girly things. I think 11 years is a long time. In the beginning of this month she cut ties with me. I first noticed a change in her personality about a year ago when the wedding planning started. It was understandable. She was under a lot of stress. But then she wouldn't talk to me about stuff she was upset about, claiming that it was private and her fiance wanted to keep their relationship matters between them and she agreed to that. Okay. So I called her and left her a nice message a few days after her wedding, wishing her well and hoping that she has fun on her honeymoon. I see her online a week later but she didn't respond to my text so I email her asking her how her wedding went. She responds with that it was horrible and she didn't want to talk about it nor did she want to send me pictures because it was personal to her. Um. Why so bitchy? That was the last I heard from her. I sent a couple of nice emails but never got a response. I'm sad over it because we've known each other since we were kids. I don't like losing friends nor would I ever throw one out like she did to me. well, when people "start a new life together" they sometimes act entitled to do just that! keep this, lose this.. i wouldn't worry about it, newlyweds sometimes have their heads up their asses! just be happy for them from afar, and try to have a sense of humor about the whole thing! i know it sucks "losing" your friend but she's probably not gone for good, she's just so wrapped up in her, and her husband, and what comes next.. about the wedding, were you supposed to be there? do you think maybe she farted during the ceremony? also, she'll get back in touch with you.. maybe not for years though, maybe much sooner, however long it takes for this drama to blow over and be out of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Friendships from our youth don't necessarily end after a life-and-lifestyle changing event (graduation, full-time employment, marriage, babies, etc.) but the relationships certainly do change...as might be expected, when one thinks about it. Usually those "left behind" do tend to suffer something akin to 'withdrawal symptoms'. It does kinda suck but it's also part of growing into adulthood. Um. Why so bitchy? Because a day that she'd probably dreamed about and planned to be her most special day of her life turned out "horrible" for her! Can you imagine how sad and disappointed SHE must have felt about that? Maybe also confused and wondering, in the aftermath, if the entire thing was maybe just a big mistake. (If we put ourselves in her shoes and mindset at the time, there are different things we can infer than just interpret that she was acting bitchy towards you, her long-time and dear friend.) True, she didn't give you much opening to commiserate with her or try to make her feel a little bit better about what, in her mind, appears to be her "failed" wedding day-and-honeymoon. But, as her long-time and dear friend, you could have tried, nonetheless, rather than make her statement about her feelings towards you. It's unfortunate that she's letting her life disappointments lead her to isolating herself rather than leaning on her long-time support network. You could take another stab at renewing the friendship, from a different perspective than having been offended/rejected -- but if she's already closed-off her heart to receiving loving support...then there's really not much you can do but wish her well and distance yourself. Hugs and best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
blueyedgrl85 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 It sounds like she is going through some things. Let her be for now- you could sent her a card or note in the mail, inviting her out to lunch. If she replies, great. If not, then it's best to just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fiat500 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 she didn't invite me to her wedding even though she said she was, but I understand why and don't hold it against her. we also live in different states and are pretty far from each other. there were certain people she had to invite but i did email her a few times asking if she had a wedding registry so that I could buy something for her, but she never got back to me on that either. In November when she was still wedding planning, she called me up while I was on a road trip and asked me to look up a few banquet halls for her. So I stopped what I was doing and looked them up. Because I cared. In the end I did try to reach out, I sent her a stupid casual email saying that I missed talking to her and said I would be there for her. That was dumb of me. I'm over it now. I understand friendships change or fade away over the years. I know priorities change when you get married and have a family. Link to post Share on other sites
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