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What does it take for you to end a friendship


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So I've just come to the end of another "friendship" most likely. I didn't feel like it was much of a friendship lately, I was feeling a little used and like she didn't treat me in the same way as other friends. She did something, that would be considered small, but it just confirmed to me how little she thought of me, and how selfish she is.

 

I let friendships go when I think the other person doesn't value me which I guess is fair enough. I just wonder if other people go through this or is it just me? My other friends don't seem to have the same problems that I do..

 

I know this is a friendship forum, so it's likely that a lot of people who read this have friendship problems too.. but I'm interested to see if I'm a serial friend dropper :) or if this happens to other people too?

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Its always important to take a step back and examine the situation with as unbaised (spelling?) of an opinion you could possibly have.

Are you sure its not any little comments you've let slip out?

Do you tend to be over-sensitive?

Are you very stubborn and hate things to go differently than you want?

You're probably not a bad friend at all, but we have to be truthful to ourselves before we can fix anything!

If you honestly dont think you do anything wrong, it could always be your choice in friends! Thats another very important thing to look at. But remember, birds of a feather flock together haha ;)

Good luck, and just analyze the situation the best you can.

And I am on the same boat with girlfriends. I can have a million guy friends, but same-sex friendships are always hard. So your not alone :)

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I would agree with the above poster. Take a breath and try and look at the situation objectively. Sometimes we take things personally when they have nothing to do with us at all.

 

Do all your friendships end? Do you have a core group of friends you've known forever that are still around and these are ancillary people that you are well-aquainted with whose time has come to move on?

 

I have a friend right now I am not sure what to do about. I have known her since I was 11, so there is obviously a long history. Most of that time she has been a very good friend, but in the past year and a half I have seen her change into a very ugly creature I am not sure I want to be around anymore. Because during this time my own life has changed quite a bit, I am taking it very slowly so I do not do anything rash. I am not making any grand or dramatic gestures, but I have definitely started limiting my time with her.

 

Hope that helps!

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blueyedgrl85

I think that if you have done all you possibly could and know at the end of the day you were a good friend (supportive, caring, etc.) then you shouldn't feel bad about distancing yourself from him/her. You obviously care enough to be posting a question on here, so I think that you care a lot about your friend and friendships in general so it is difficult for you to just walk away. But it is probably for the best to limit your time with her and focus on other people in life. If you just sort of drift away- that way in a few years you might reconnect with her. If not, you will have moved on to more valuable friendships of better quality. Best of luck!

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Thanks for the responses. Yes I am definitely over sensitive, so I know I get upset easily... but I do think I can see when people don't treat me right, and I don't think friends should do that.

 

Kiki, no, not all my friendships end.. actually of the ones that have ended, only one of those was a long friendship (20 years is a long time). The other ones I've ended have been less than 1 or 2 years.

 

This latest one, we work in the same place so I will run into her at work.. the funny (?) thing is that there is another girl at work that I was friends with for a while, and just as I decided she wasn't treating me right, I got those 2 friends together, and they remained friends while I only stayed friendly with this one.. so now I guess they can both bitch about me..

 

Blueyedgrl, yes I do think I was a good friend to this one, and she was to me at one stage as well, but things changed, and I could see things in her - selfishness, unsupportive. And the latest event was another example of her selfishness - yet she can never bring herself to admit to it or even say sorry for it..

 

I have been losing sleep over this one.. but I think mostly because I will run into her at work, and won't know how to be with her...

 

Thanks Haushy - it is good to know I am not the only one with a large turnover of female friends :)

 

Good luck with your situation Kiki, sounds like you are handling it well.

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One of my good friends stole a large sum of money from our work.

He had found an account the company had that had not seen activity in a few yrs & thought nobody would miss the money.

 

After he told me why he got fired I closed the door on him & never talked to him again.

 

He's lucky they didn't press charges.

I do not want people like that in my life.

Ya think you know someone....

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One of my good friends stole a large sum of money from our work.

He had found an account the company had that had not seen activity in a few yrs & thought nobody would miss the money.

 

After he told me why he got fired I closed the door on him & never talked to him again.

 

He's lucky they didn't press charges.

I do not want people like that in my life.

Ya think you know someone....

 

That's a pretty good reason :-)

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Up until now, circumstances has always ended bad friendships for me. In one way or another, the bad friends have either had to relocate to another school or have been expelled.

 

But now, in the middle of cutting links with a friend, I've found that when the person constantly tries to score points of you in front of people is what it takes for me to end a friendship.

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summerautumn

I feel that there is flux in life, and friendships don't stay static. Some people maintain close friendships with people they knew in kindergarden, and really value that, but I sort of see it as a fear of change. If the two people are incredibly compatible, and grow in the same direction, then that's wonderful, but it strikes me as idealistic. I guess these friends almost become like family, and with family we are challenged to grow with.

 

Be completely honest with yourself, and try to remove the guilt over being the one to end the friendship and see what's left. Also, the anger definitely can have you skew your perspective. Then allow for the neutral picture to arise. The correct action will feel effortless.

 

Good luck.

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