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Tension over a FB status?? Really?


victim_of_love

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victim_of_love

Weeks ago, Houston, TX got its first openly gay mayor in office. Annise Parker. Now after hearing this, I went on my facebook and threw up this status:

 

"Whoa. The first gay mayor in Houston. This outta be interesting. I hope she does not go imposing her sex orientation like its ok."

 

Now, me being a christian and someone who follows God's holy bible, I felt I had a right to fear such things. For others who look at the world more gayer than my black and white view, you may not be so bothered by it. Kudos to you. But my status was MY opinion. That's why it says, "whats on your mind?" and I put up whats on my mind. If you don't like it, you can comment or ignore it.

 

Anyways, a friend of my saw the status and spoke her mind about it. Her being bi, I kind of expected for her to be like "whats wrong with that?" and so I had to explain to her why I thought that, pretty much telling her what I told her above. Then she asked me "so what will happen when we get a gay president, you going back to Africa?" and I responded in a sarcastic way "yes lol".

 

Next thing I know, my friend count goes down and I find out that she deleted my off my facebook status.....and I went....WTF??? Really? Why? I'm still puzzled by it. How can a simple status, that had no intention on hurting you but to expressing my mind about someone else, cause you to delete me as a friend? And the worst part is, she is REALLY upset at me too. She doesn't answer any text messages or calls.

 

Now I don't know what I did wrong, but can someone lend me advice on what to do to fix this. I really do care about this girl and I'd hate to have tension with a friend during a christmas season.

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reservoirdog1

Yes, you're free to speak your mind, and have done so. That's out of the way.

 

But, let's look at a couple of facts:

 

1. Your status update referred to concern about the gay new mayor of Houston "imposing her sex orientation like its [sic] okay". Which means that you view the mayor's orientation as unacceptable, immoral, an abomination, or in some other way "NOT okay".

 

2. Your friend is bisexual.

 

Are you wilfully blind, or do you really need a slide rule to figure this out?

 

You say that you were simply "expressing your mind about somebody else", which is frankly disingenuous. You were taking issue with the new mayor's sexual orientation as something that is unacceptable. Your friend is of a related orientation, which people of your ilk and belief system also view as unacceptable. So basically, you've told your friend that a fundamental part of who she is, is somehow unacceptable by your standards.

 

In short, your friend has learned that you're a homophobe. You've judged her for something that has nothing to do with you, rammed your own personal beliefs and values down her throat in a semi-public forum, and badly hurt her feelings.

 

Beats me if this can be fixed or not. Since you reject a fundamental part of who your friend is, your choices in trying to fix the friendship are either to (a) become more tolerant and open-minded, and less judgmental, or (b) simply apologize to your friend and agree to disagree. Though who knows if (b) would solve anything; after all, from your friend's perspective, her friend (you) will still be a homophobe, but one who's deciding to shut up about it.

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You firmly stand to your side of your opinion and she has hers. Or does the only opinion that count is yours, and God forbid anyone gets offended by it. She has every right to ditch you. You straight up offended her. The fact that you have no idea what you did wrong is a good indicator that you have no respect for her opinion.

 

Watch what you say next time, because even though you may forget Facebook always remembers. Even something as simple as a status update can really hurt someone. Her being bi, means that she is probably a lot more open minded about these things and that conversation with you just confirmed to her that you are no different than the close minded, Bible thumping, a**holes that torment her just because she may have different views.

 

Would you delete a friend that tried to offer you an atheist view on the world? Who told you that the very idea of a one God was incredibly stupid and that practically every Christian tradition was ripped off from the pagans? Or how about someone who believes in evolution?

 

You don't have to worry about tensions with this friend, because she is no longer your friend. Accept it, pray over it, whatever. But it is over with.

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Would you delete a friend that tried to offer you an atheist view on the world? Who told you that the very idea of a one God was incredibly stupid and that practically every Christian tradition was ripped off from the pagans? Or how about someone who believes in evolution?

 

what if OP's answer to that query was, 'No, I wouldn't. I don't necessarily agree with that opinion, but I'll respect the fact that it's my friend's opinion'? Because if this were a TRUE friend, while she might be upset or disappointed, she would also understand that it's the other person's perogative to differ in thought. As long as it's done without name-calling, hair-pulling or biting, it's okay.

Edited by quankanne
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victim_of_love

Would you delete a friend that tried to offer you an atheist view on the world? Who told you that the very idea of a one God was incredibly stupid and that practically every Christian tradition was ripped off from the pagans? Or how about someone who believes in evolution?

What? Delete her for trying to offer my to be atheist? No thats stupid. I would just tell her, no I'm a christian and leave it at that. I'm not gonna stop being your friend because you have your own personal opinion about something. Even if its against God, cause God would still love them if they were against him.

You don't have to worry about tensions with this friend, because she is no longer your friend. Accept it, pray over it, whatever. But it is over with.

 

Dude, we're still friends. Just because she deleted from "FB" doesn't mean "**** you im never talking you again". Its her way to cope after I offended her and what I'm trying to see is how can I fix the situation.

 

I don't mind getting slammed. :) I can take it. Just as long as you give me a solution.

Edited by victim_of_love
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give her time and space ... let her cool down, and when the time is right, explain to her that was not a slam against her personally, but you expressing an opinion.

 

if she can't handle it ... well, she's gonna life a hard row to hoe.

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Not the love ace
Would you delete a friend that tried to offer you an atheist view on the world? Who told you that the very idea of a one God was incredibly stupid and that practically every Christian tradition was ripped off from the pagans? Or how about someone who believes in evolution?

 

what if OP's answer to that query was, 'No, I wouldn't. I don't necessarily agree with that opinion, but I'll respect the fact that it's my friend's opinion'? Because if this were a TRUE friend, while she might be upset or disappointed, she would also understand that it's the other person's perogative to differ in thought. As long as it's done without name-calling, hair-pulling or biting, it's okay.

 

 

I agree big time. And trust me, I am ALL for gays/BI's/Transexuals equal rights. Most importantly, I am for the free rights of people of all backgrounds. I think this how Facebook and Myspace beef or as I like to say "E-Beef" is beyond stupid. I don't think he said anything THAT bad. I must admit that my friends who are bi or straight and are for the equal rights of gay people are pretty extreme when it comes to defending them. Anyone who disagree's with their way of life is automatically labled an ******* and get written off.

 

It simply comes down to not everyone is going to agree with you but its about simply being respectful and tolerating each other is what really matters. As long as we don't shove our thoughts onto each others throats, I think we should be okay.

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victim_of_love
As long as we don't shove our thoughts onto each others throats, I think we should be okay.

Thank you. That is exactly what I'm trying to say. I fear she would get into office and start shoving her sexual orientation down people's throats likes ok. Not everybody believes it ok, like me. But I tolerate it to the point that I am fine with people choosing to be bi or gay. Thats you. You make your own decisions cause its your life.

 

But I guess viewing your responses told me how she must of taken it and I guess I understand her a bit more. But I hope you guys can be open-minded and understand me too.

 

Thank you "Not The Love Ace" and "Quankanne" :)

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You didn't express an opinion in general, you said her very way of life, who she is at her very core, is NOT OKAY. You made a declaration about who and what are "okay," and told her to her face that she is not "okay."

 

Who would want to be friends with someone who doesn't believe who you are at your core is okay? I can't fathom why you don't get why she chose not to be your friend anymore.

 

It's no different than had you said, "OMG, a black President was elected into office. I hope he doesn't go around trying to tell black people that they can do and become anything, because we all know they really belong at the back of the bus," and then being surprised when all your black friends disown you.

 

I mean, really. Her reaction shouldn't be surprising.

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victim_of_love
You didn't express an opinion in general, you said her very way of life, who she is at her very core, is NOT OKAY. You made a declaration about who and what are "okay," and told her to her face that she is not "okay."

This must be how she must of took it too. Anyways, no I didn't. My opinion was never a direct shot AT HER. She knew I would never say anything to hurt her cause I informed her about this many times before. So what I'm trying to find out is a way to fix this and help her see I didn't mean to hurt her.

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This must be how she must of took it too. Anyways, no I didn't. My opinion was never a direct shot AT HER. She knew I would never say anything to hurt her cause I informed her about this many times before. So what I'm trying to find out is a way to fix this and help her see I didn't mean to hurt her.

 

There's no way around it. I'd leave her be, if I were you.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot. There's an inherent lack of respect for the other person, when you say their way of life is "not okay." If she said anyone who believes in Christ is a nutjob and is "not okay," I cannot imagine how you wouldn't be offended - as it's a part of who you are at your very core. And if you knew that that's the way she really felt, how would/could you ever be real friends? I know I couldn't.

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victim_of_love
There's no way around it. I'd leave her be, if I were you.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot. There's an inherent lack of respect for the other person, when you say their way of life is "not okay." If she said anyone who believes in Christ is a nutjob and is "not okay," I cannot imagine how you wouldn't be offended - as it's a part of who you are at your very core. And if you knew that that's the way she really felt, how would/could you ever be real friends? I know I couldn't.

Well I don't think thats very fair. First off, I never said her life was "not okay". I still support her at her career choice. I still like hanging out with her and joking around about stuff. When she needs someone to talk to, I'm there for her. And I told her, anytime she need something, call me. And I do this for her even being homosexual.

 

Now why couldn't anyone be the same way? Cause honestly, if you think christianity is stupid, I could careless, thats you. If you're a good friend, I'll still be your friend and I'm still gonna be a christian. Friendships shouldn't be that fragile.

Edited by victim_of_love
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make me believe

Sheesh, I wouldn't want to be friends with a homophobe either. I don't blame your friend one bit!

 

This must be how she must of took it too. Anyways, no I didn't. My opinion was never a direct shot AT HER. She knew I would never say anything to hurt her cause I informed her about this many times before. So what I'm trying to find out is a way to fix this and help her see I didn't mean to hurt her.

 

It WAS directed at her because she is bisexual and you made an offensive comment about gays. It is no different than somebody saying something prejudiced about black people, or Jewish people, or whatever, and then saying to their black or Jewish friend "well I'm not talking about YOU personally, calm down!!" Hello?

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victim_of_love

I wouldn't want to be friends with a "homophobe"? Thats as stupid as not wanting to be friends with me cause I'm black.

 

People. Try to see things from my prospective please. I never intended to insult anybody.

Edited by victim_of_love
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reservoirdog1
I wouldn't want to be friends with a "homophobe"? Thats as stupid as not wanting to be friends with me cause I'm black.

You actually see those two as being equivalent?

 

Being black, Asian, whatever (and some, like me, would include "gay", but that's not the point) isn't something you choose. It's what you are.

 

Being a homophobe is a choice. There are many people who are homophobes, racists, etc. early in life and then over time learn to become more tolerant. It's a pattern of thought and ideology -- it's not an immutable physical and genetic characteristic that's beyond your power to change.

 

Anyway, you seem to not be getting this. Maybe you didn't intend to insult anybody. No, you didn't come up to your friend and tell her that she was going to hell for being bisexual. But you did straight-out say on FB that you think that being gay is "not okay". Where's the dividing line in your mind, beyond which you WOULD understand her position? Say you went around on weekends beating up homosexuals and wearing a "God Hates Fags" t-shirt. Would you still be incredulous if she decided to stop associating with you? Even if you still wanted to hang out with her, be her friend, etc.? Basically what you're saying to her is, "I think your sexual orientation -- a foundational part of who you are -- is disgusting and an abomination, but you're nice enough, so let's be buds." I totally see her viewpoint.

 

I don't see why you're having such a difficulty seeing why she's upset at you. I don't think it could be much clearer.

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People. Try to see things from my prospective please. I never intended to insult anybody.

 

You may not have intended to, but you did. And you will continue to do so, so just move on.

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victim_of_love
Say you went around on weekends beating up homosexuals and wearing a "God Hates Fags" t-shirt. Would you still be incredulous if she decided to stop associating with you? Even if you still wanted to hang out with her, be her friend, etc.? Basically what you're saying to her is, "I think your sexual orientation -- a foundational part of who you are -- is disgusting and an abomination, but you're nice enough, so let's be buds." I totally see her viewpoint.

DUDE! Thats way too extreme.

 

But I guess thats how extreme you guys are taking it. I'm not bisexual so I don't know how you guys really take these things. Maybe its best I just be more sensitive to her feelings from now on. Especially if you guys are taking it as "part of who you are" and stuff.

 

Peace is what I'm aiming for.

 

You may not have intended to, but you did. And you will continue to do so, so just move on.

I'm certain we'll get past this. I care about this girl too much to allow something like this to affect our friendship.

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against_all_odds

you upset her and offended her .... i dont believe in god.. now if i was putting comments about that youd be upset...what upsets me most is that some people who believe in god believe that every thing they believe in is right not everyone has that view..it annoys me to be honest i take people for who they are..if there a lesbian gay black white whatever it doesnt make them any less of a person and to be honest i think religion sometimes is discusting...there people like you ...in some ways i think the way you are is wrong because you wont accept someone for who they are...

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victim_of_love
in some ways i think the way you are is wrong because you wont accept someone for who they are...

If you read my statements, I don't see how you can say that. I do accept the fact she is bi. She can be whatever she wants to be. I still wanna be here friend...

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against_all_odds

a friend wouldnt put comments up like that...you cant have a friend who is a lesbian n then s**g off something that she is..i have friends who are lesbians there great i dont see them as lesbians i see them as people ...as friends. i wouldnt dream of putting up anything insulting to them or anyone because its just rude.

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victim_of_love
a friend wouldnt put comments up like that...you cant have a friend who is a lesbian n then s**g off something that she is..i have friends who are lesbians there great i dont see them as lesbians i see them as people ...as friends. i wouldnt dream of putting up anything insulting to them or anyone because its just rude.

Well I'm not you and you obviously won't see things from my prospective. And honestly, I don't expect you to cause you're not a Christian. But I'm getting tired of trying to example myself. If you want to label me as the bad guy, go ahead. I know what I meant and I know that I did not mean to harm her. Its all a misunderstanding.

 

I'm just gonna let her cool off. Then try to reconcil with her.

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against_all_odds

I'm just gonna let her cool off. Then try to reconcil with her.

 

thats fair enough. i dont think your a bad person and im sorry if i made you think that..maybe next time you might think abit more before posting :)

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"Whoa. The first gay mayor in Houston. This outta be interesting. I hope she does not go imposing her sex orientation like its ok."

 

First of all -- it IS okay.

 

It is HER sexual orientation. It IS okay as it is for millions of other people.

 

It is just as okay for her to be gay as it is for you to be straight.

 

Secondly --

 

Imposing her sexual orientation upon who?

I have NEVER met a gay or bisexual person who goes around trying to convince others that they need to be gay or bisexual.

NOT EVER.

 

But there ARE plenty of people like yourself who walk around saying TO OTHER PEOPLE that THEIR sexual orientation is WRONG and they need to be different.

 

NO ONE is saying that to you - that you should be different - that you are unnatural and wrong. YOU ARE SAYING IT TO OTHERS.

 

 

Now, me being a christian and someone who follows God's holy bible, I felt I had a right to fear such things. .

 

Fear --- FEAR? Fear what things?

 

If someone tells you they are gay or bisexual does that make you want to run out and be gay or bisexual yourself?

 

If a person -- a whole individual in their own right -- makes a choice that you would not does that drive you to follow them?

 

You are one of those jump off abridge people? You do things because everyone else does - or even one person does?

 

That is sad.

 

Look it is your choice to follow Christianity. No one is telling you that you can't or shouldn't.

 

Stop worrying about everyone else's choices for their own lives. It really has NOTHING to do with you.

So live your own life and learn a BIG LESSON from this:

 

You make your own choices for your own life --- So should others make their own choices for their own life and it is none of your business nor do you have to like it or agree with it.

 

If you got that -- you wouldn't be putting messages on your FB or anywhere else that are so backwards and prejudicial.

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victim_of_love
Imposing her sexual orientation upon who?

I have NEVER met a gay or bisexual person who goes around trying to convince others that they need to be gay or bisexual.

NOT EVER.

Oh, I'm sorry. I never knew gay and bisexuals were perfect like that....

 

Just because YOU haven't met one does not say there aren't some in the world. And next time before you respond, READ the rest of the topic and get where I'm really coming from. I'm NOT trying to impose my christianity on anybody. What makes you any better than me for even thinking that I would? So its ok for you to think I'm gonna shove my religion down your throat, but its not ok for me to think you're gonna shove your orientation down mine?

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against_all_odds
I fear she would get into office and start shoving her sexual orientation down people's throats likes ok. Not everybody believes it ok, like me. But I tolerate it to the point that I am fine with people choosing to be bi or gay.

 

 

thats you assuming things just because she finds women attractive doesnt mean she wants to push it in other peoples faces..more than likely shes ashamed to show it because of people like you...shes a person and shes deserves to be treat like a person actually i admire her because she actually has come out an said this is what i am ..she likes women so what!!

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