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Becoming friends instead of best friends...

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 12th May 2003, 5:25 AM   #1
New Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 5
Becoming friends instead of best friends...

Alright, I have a problem. A friend of mine... one of my closest friends is in a relationship and has been for going on 4 years. Of course, this guy is a good friend of mine too.

Now, several times, her and I have done questionably close things, nothing further than a small kiss. And only one two occassions. Eventually we talked about it and she agreed, if situations were different, her and I be perfect for each other. However she is still very much in love with her current boyfriend. And so be it, there it stands and will stay that way. Yes, I am attracted to her, but regardless her and her boyfriend are a good couple and nothing would make me come between them.

The issue is that since I am currently single I don't have anyone to express love to and I find that since she is probably the girl I hold in the highest regard I'm starting to feel real feelings for her, I realised that I was actually jealous of seeing her with her boyfriend, something that was never and issue for a long time.

Her boyfriend has been suspect of me for a long time, but I only know this because she told me, he has never accused me and never been anything less than a continuous good friend and when I subtly try to assure him that I am only her friend, I feel like I'm lying to him.

I don't want to have these feelings for her. I HAVE to get rid of them... all it does is make me unhappy and possibly ruin a friendship or two. I need to see her less, not talk so deeply about everything, I want her to back off. It may sound silly, but instead of her being my best friend, I want her to be just a normal friend, like the other girls in our social group.

How do I tell her without upsetting her, I know her well and I'm sure she will be very upset if I told her I want to be 'less friends'.

The other nite I went out with 3 girls and two of my single mates, it was exactly what I needed... until she turned up at the same event. I totally lost interest in the girls we were with (which was not the case at all until she arrived) and spent 80% of the night with her... like we always do. Needless to say I destroyed my chances with the girl that I came with.

PulseNZ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th May 2003, 6:37 AM   #2
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 23
bloody hard thing to stop

My thoughts on the subject...
Been there done that, bloody hard thing to stop.
Have a chat to her, and bring things up like "I feel that I'm in the way- you two should be getting closer, so I reckon I'll back off a bit on the freindship, nothing will stop our bond, but this would make me feel better"

It will take time, but slowly you will drift apart. I have had that situation with a few Girls, (usually only when I'm single), you never lose the bond, but you have to let each other "move on" so to say.
And if you are ment to be together, you will be.
Sounds like you know her well, so if thats thae case, she too will understand.
Hope this helps just a bit, just my thoughts......
Dazza is offline   Reply With Quote


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