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I have a friend that I was friends with up until about 15 years ago. About 3 years ago we reconnected. Neither one of us knew what happened that we had gone our separate ways. Right after we met the second time, we started emailing each other almost daily. We'd also talk on the phone once a week or so, and then get together once every 3-4 weeks.

 

About a year ago she stopped writing back to my emails right away, maybe taking a day or two to write instead. Shortly after that she wrote to me saying she was feeling a deep conflict in our relationship and felt that I was keeping her at arms length. When we later talked about it, I told her I was glad she told me what she was thinking and feeling, and assured her it was not my intent to be that way. To this day, I still honestly don't know why she felt like that. In my emails I told her what I was up to on each day and shared my various thoughts and feelings about things that were going on. Shortly thereafter she wrote that she didn't mean to be hurtful in her words and felt sure these bumps in the road we had just encountered would in time help us to build a stronger relationship and become closer.

 

About 9 months ago she stopped returning my phone calls. I have not talked to her since. But up until about 3 months ago, we continued to exchange a couple of emails a week. Three months ago is when she completely stopped writing. About a month ago I wrote her asking how she was and what was going on in her life and offered a couple of sentences about myself. I've never heard from her.

 

Needless to say, I'm feeling very disturbed over this. I know that some friendships aren't meant to last forever, but this really frustrates me. I really want to get in contact with her to find out just what happened.

 

What are some of your thoughts?

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[color=indigo]

No offense, but it sounds like your friend is somewhat off her rocker. She obviously has issues that extend beyond your friendship. I wouldn't take the way she has treated you personally. The fact that she brought up issues in your friendship that seemingly weren't there speaks volumes in itself. It seems to me as though this girl loves to initiate conflict. The fact that you were so patient and understanding about your friendship "bumps in the road", probably turned her off. She was probably looking for a good cat fight. That is the only way that some people know how to relate to others, is through conflict.

 

Now, I could be totally off on this, as I am just going by what you have written, but it's a possibility. If your friend never contacts you again, there is no way you will really know why she went awol on your friendship. Just accept that her behavior suggests that she isn't a true friend and move on.

 

 

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Based on what you've said I think Leikeila's hypothesis is quite plausible.

 

You know you didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't worry about it. Perhaps you got off easy; if she is prone to being clingy, passive aggressive, and irrational life as her friend wouldn't be much fun.

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luvmyboys

I certainly can relate. Sometimes people just grow apart for one reason or another. From reading your post, you have done everything possible to find out why she is reacting the way she is. There's not much more you can do.

 

I lost two friends, or shall I say, two whom I thought were friends over an opinionated email written by me about a pop singer. We aren't teens, we're in our 40's and the pop-star fascination was the reason we met in the first place.

 

Thing is, my real world included a husband and children they did not have. One of them upon meeting my husband even asked, "care to share?" afterwards. I took it in stride thinking she was joking, but in the back of my mind, I always wondered if she was serious.

 

Come to find out, she had told me she was on anti-depressants and I don't begrudge anyone who needs medication, but it sent red flags up that I always had to watch what I say so as not to upset her....which I did when I wrote the opinionated email and that was enough for her to end our friendship as well as the other one who apparently took her side.

 

Funny thing is, when this pop star was going to be in NYC, she emailed me out of the blue a few months later wanting to know if I was going to see him. There was no "how have you been? what you been up to?"

 

That told me right there that she basically was using me for info about him and that was about all. She even had some major battles with her own sister, so I guess I'm not surprised at the way she treated me.

 

Yes, it still hurts after all this time, but I know that she and I live in two different worlds and I don't have the time to play these highschool games with grown women.

 

You sound like a very sensitive person, and there's nothing wrong with that. Try to find peace with yourself and move on from her. I know it hurts, but time does heal.

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HokeyReligions

It sounds like she was depressed and maybe reaching out and you were there for her. She may have hit another patch of depression.

 

I have a few people in my family that are severely depressed and they handle things in different ways. I have to be careful how and what I say too sometimes, but not to a point where I can't be myself.

 

You were a good friend to her but sometimes we never get an answer or closure.

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jessicakicksbut

I have a friend who contacts me very rarely like your friend does (she lives 200 miles away). Sometimes months go by that she will e-mail me or call me, and when I make the effort by e-mailing her, she rarely writes back, and waits a month or so to call. We just drifted apart slowly, but surely after college. I do admit, I always thought she was a bit fair-weathered, and we are going totally different directions in life. I am engaged and pretty stable, whereas she hasn't had a boyfriend in years, likes to go out and party, and like to find guys to "hook-up" with on a whim. She needs to go out every weekend or she'll go nuts, where I am content staying in and renting movies. It just happens in life sometimes.

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[color=blue][/color]

 

Hey Stacie!!

 

I just finished reading your forum. And in fact what I just read seems to be how I once was. What I mean by this is that I had a friend whom I've known probably as long as you have w/ yours. We were like best friends in fact... Until one day she moved & that was that.

 

We promised each other the 'we'll keep in touch business.' Well, that lasted for a good few months. Until the next school year began & the letters became consised. This all goes back to when computers & internet weren't so big.. but yet in fact visible.

 

Anyways... I thought as you are now w/ the questions: what, why, how, when,etc. am I doing wrong..??.. I felt like this for a while until I did some deep thinking & took some steps back.

 

I realized that life goes in one big circle. The friends which we have had for a while.. even if they move.. they will always in some way.. be their for you. Even if in my case a bunch of hours away.. they won't become invisible. The depression & lonliness I felt inside @ the time.. built up to a point where I just wanted to be alone, feeling life will just entirely stop & everyone is only out to get me..

 

Well, upon graduating from high school, two years in June I took a 'brand' new step towards becoming a brand new, but yet same individual. This means that I realized the goods and bad parts of life... One of which was that I was going to give my friend from afar a call. and see how she was doing. This time interval we had not only made things open up again.... but it also made us realize where we stand as young adults..

 

Anyways.. my point is this:: just give it some time. I know you probably want more answers than you can get right now.. but when the right moment initializes you, you'll know.. as I did.. And, you in fact will be friends as once b4 as w/ this person..

 

Hopefully this helps some

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