Can anyone make sense of this?

[Asami]

Ok, before I ask for advice I want to give a background of the story. I'm going to try my best to keep this short.

 

Janette and I have known each other for about 11years now. She and I met through her brother whom I used to date. After my relationship with her brother ended, (it was not on good terms, he left me for someone else)Janette and I managed to remain friends. Right after the breakup, I asked her not to discuss her brother with me and I told her that I wanted to be friends with her NOT for a possible reconciliation with her brother James. When I joined the armed forces in 1999, we still managed to keep in touch for a while then eventually we lost touch. Then one day in late 2007, we ran into each other accidentally on the street while on a visit to my hometown. We exchanged contact info and we were in touch again. After catching up, she began to confide in me about her rather ugly( cheating lies deception etc..) relationship. After giving her lots of advice, she still continued to endure the emotional affects of this relationship. fastforward to 2009: earlier this year, I ended my career with the armed forces and I ended up moving back to my hometown, because I had avery hard time finding employment in the state I used to live in. Upon arrival, she was very excited to hang out. I didn't right away becuase I had a lot to do as far as settling in and adjusting, something after 4 months of being I'm having difficulty doing. Anyway, she has been wanting to hang out and the few times she has invited me, I have been busy with school/job applications and preprations for my mother's wedding next month. I have told all of this hoping that she understood, or so I thought. During our phone conversations she would mention her brother and his now wife directly and indirectly, after asking her not to s I don't want any involvement as far as he's concerned. She even went as far as wanting to have us meet! I declined; also, I had an issue with a friend and I asked her for advice, and she told me to stop talking to the friend and also she didn't want hear anything about it.

I thought this was hyprocritical and selffish since she alwayswants to talk about her relationship issues over and over. Since then she's invited me out twice once to a concert I couldn't make it because I flew to my old home state in hopes of landing a job, and the second time was last week last minute for a halloween party which I didn't go becuase I went to visit my grand mother at the hospital which is very far from where I live. When I told her this, she blew up! I reminded her that she cannot expect me to just drop what I had planned to at the last minute. The final straw came a few days ago, she called me with urgency pleading for me to call her I did, and she said everything was fine, no emergency I was annoyed I told this as well. A few days later she text me saying

last chance wat r u doing friday? before u answer, just know I'm depressed. I answered back just a few doctors appts and then I'm free. She went on to invite me to a play, and told her I would go. she suggested dinner after the play which starts at 8 and I told her I would decline on dinner since I can't eat late. I also told her I would meet her at the place, she said well, I thought we could go together since I live near you. I told her whatever that's fine too and If I get held up at the hospital I'll just meet you. She blurted out why are you being stand offish? I replied, I'm not, I just don't know how the day is going to turn out and that I'm merely making a plan b arrangement incase of delays..also why are you creating a problem out of nothing? she exclaimed that I'm rude and she dosen't have time for the behaviour and hung up. yesterday,

I got a text from her she said : are u in a better mood or are you still acting like someone trying 2 get your social security number I felt like you were a stranger its a weird feeling. I didn't respond to this becuase I feel like she trying to start drama for no reason I didn't think I said or did anything wrong. I 'm beginning to feel like she's being selfish, and a bit manipulative I'm not sure if I want to continue to be friends either any suggestions on how to handle this?

[Boundary Problem]

She sounds bored.

 

Good friends add value to your life and inspire you. Has she done that for you?

 

If you decide she does add value to your life (i'm not convinced she does, but in small towns who knows how many options you have) then just give her two options re times to meet with you. If she isn't free then you will give her two other options next month. In other words, take over control of the calendar rather than her continually asking and you continually saying no.

 

Give her the explanation why - once. And leave it at that. Looking for a job is pretty self-explanatory.

 

Has she helped you in your job search? Asked around for you to see if any relatives know of any job openings?

No.

[Asami]

She sounds bored.

 

Good friends add value to your life and inspire you. Has she done that for you?

 

If you decide she does add value to your life (i'm not convinced she does, but in small towns who knows how many options you have) then just give her two options re times to meet with you. If she isn't free then you will give her two other options next month. In other words, take over control of the calendar rather than her continually asking and you continually saying no.

 

Give her the explanation why - once. And leave it at that. Looking for a job is pretty self-explanatory.

 

Has she helped you in your job search? Asked around for you to see if any relatives know of any job openings?

No.

 

This is very true, and you're right, she dosen't add avlue to my life really. And come to think about, she hasn't been all that helpful and supportive about my job situation.