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Friend being a jerk


bettedaviseyes

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bettedaviseyes

I got this friend who's literally like my best friend, but lately things have been going down hill.

We would always hang out, have lunch or whatever. We even had a trip planned together, but that is not going to happen.

Lately she's been really bragging nonstop about things. I do not get jealous whenever she speaks of something good that I don't have. The thing that makes me irritated is when she just keeps repeating the same things over and over again. Things like "oh my god, I am so pretty." She also started sleeping with a man she just met at work. This caused her to break up with her boyfriend, because she was sleeping with this new guy. I tell ya, she just loves to brag about this guy as well. This is all she talks about whenever we hang out. She talks about how pretty she is, how awesome this coworker is, how good the sex is, how he likes her because shes pretty, and how cute he is. Those are all of the revolving topics that she has been talking about.

Now, the problem with all of this is that I am supportive, and whenever she faces a dilemma with those things, she asks me for advise. I give her what I think is right or wrong, and she immediately interrupts me, or gives me a huge attitude about what I got to say and treats my advise like it's a piece of crap. I don't know how to tell her , but her constant bragging, and rudeness is discouraging me to hang out with her.

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Next time she asks for advice, say something like, "I'm gonna pass if you don't mind. I been burned too many times offering my opinions and trying to help you out -- you interrupt me, cop an attitude, or just totally dismiss whatever I say."

 

For yourself though, BDE, I'm assuming that you do not expect her to just follow any/all advice just because you gave it to her(?) She has a right to hear it AND then to reject it...but you totally can expect your effort to be appreciated, and to be treated with respect and dignity at all times.

 

As far as this new, non-stop bragging that she's doing. You could approach it from the other side of the coin, so to speak. Something like, "Hey, has something happened recently that caused you to lose a whole lot of self-esteem and self-confidence?"

If/when she says, "No, why do you ask?" then you explain that lately she's been running non-stop about her awesome looks and awesome life...and that type of 'bragging behaviour' is usually an indication of LOW self-esteem and INsecurity. (It really is, so you would not be lying to her.)

 

She may get pissed off, or dismiss what you're saying...but my guess is that it'll stay with her and she'll change that behaviour, with or without also self-reflecting to find out what is causing whatever insecurities, loss of confidence, whatever.

 

If it does NOT have that effect, of course, then yeah...take self-loving action and avoid her as much as possible. Her current behaviour-attitude does not sound too pleasant and inspirational to be around.

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Good advice Ronni! Never thought of the flip the coin concept! Turn the tables and approach it from their view point with a bit of reality tossed in!

Think of a bragger as someone with a shovel, they are either digging a hole for themselves or creating a mountain from which to shout upon. Either way stay away from the shovel when its being swung :)

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  • 3 months later...
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bettedaviseyes

Great advice! Thanks..

 

Unfortunately her behavior got even worse, to the point where I even told her how she was making me feel bad with that attitude. She literally brushed it off like it was nothing and continued to praise herself. We don't hang out as much anymore. She still texts and calls me only when she's bored and has no one to talk to or if she wants to go somewhere and doesn't have a ride. With me being the good fried that I am, I try to be there for her as someone to talk to, but I don't expect her to appreciate my advice anymore.

It's sad to say, but I don't think our friendship will always be the same.

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