Pulled Plug On Computer Friendship

[Go Figure]

Hi there...I originally posted below on March 21st with "Only A Computer Friend". A few of you responded to my situation. Over the past weekend I finally decided to tell this guy about the way I've been feeling. Like some of you suggested, I tried to just ignore him when I saw him online but I soon found out I couldn't do that. I don't know if it was good or bad but everything sort of came out--over the computer. Don't get me wrong, I didn't admit to liking him or anything. I simply told him that I didn't feel like I was more than a computer friend to him and how I didn't need any more acquantances. I also told him that the fact that he didn't call me on my birthday showed me the extent of our friendship. In general, he was pretty defensive I must admit, not really apologetic and typing things like "Sorry I didnt' live up to your expectations as a friend" and "I don't think I acted much differently than you did". Truth be told, I really wouldn't call this guy either but I didn't feel comfortable taking the initiative since I didn't feel he was making any efforts to become better friends. At the end of our computer conversation I told him that I thought it was best that we not talk on messenger service that much anymore. He said that was fine by him if that's what I wanted.

 

I think what led up to this was partly the birthday issue AND just the realization that since he quit I've only seen him once in the 4 months!!! I thought when he left we would hang out here and there but instead I became his little msn buddy. At first I chalked it up to shyness or whatnot but not anymore. How is a girl supposed to interpret a guy whom she only talks to on the computer. In a way I feel better after telling him my feelings on the matter but part of me wonders if it was just plain stupid to do so. I probably sounded like a disatisfied girlfriend and I'm sure this just confirmed, in his mind, that I always liked him.

 

I was just wondering if anybody thinks that putting everything out there like that was a dumb move? Should I have just tried to continue ignoring him and never brought any of this up? Do I look like an idiot now? Was telling him I didn't want to talk on msn anymore too extreme? (it does hurt to keep talking to him when i'm only viewed as a computer buddy though....)

 

Please let me know, thanks :-)

[Tony T]

1. "I was just wondering if anybody thinks that putting everything out there like that was a dumb move?"

 

Putting everything out in the open at some point is a very wise move. I think your timing was good and it was not a dumb move at all.

 

2. "Should I have just tried to continue ignoring him and never brought any of this up?"

 

No. Avoiding confrontation and resolution is a tactic of immature people. You did the correct thing by bringing this up. It showed your own strength and desire to bring this episode to a final resolution...and you were successful.

 

3. "Do I look like an idiot now?"

 

I don't know. Idiots look so different. However, what you did was not indicative of an idiot. Rather, it was smart to call the question, to bring things to a head, and to tell him exactly how you feel. It was a very good thing to do.

 

4. "Was telling him I didn't want to talk on msn anymore too extreme?"

 

Not at all. Exactly what would you have to profit by continuing to chat with him? You have nothing whatsoever to gain in doing so. It's too bad more people don't realize there are far more productive ways to use their time than engaging in useless chatter on or off the Internet.

[Paul8]

I agree with Tony, you laid the cards on the table and this was good on your part.

[Go Figure]

Hi, just wanted to post something in regards to what I wrote last week under "Pulled Plug On Computer Friendship". I felt fine about my decision last week. Now, 1 wk later I've started to feel really crappy. Too many feelings are going through me right now. Another guy friend made me feel pretty bad about how I reacted to the situation. He bluntly told me that I was out of line for the way I treated this "computer friend" and that I should have seen the signs that he didn't want more a long time ago and not have even escalated the situation to this degree. Furthermore, I ended up catching the computer friend online over the weekend and said hello to him. Now I'm sure I look inconsistent, and probably just weird. I keep making mistakes...I wish I had never allowed myself to get this far. I know this probably sounds stupid to people. I must admit, though, I'm feeling embarassed over what happened with this "computer friend". I always make big decisions when I'm mad and I hate it.

 

Anyways, I'll get over it in time but I can't shake this guility feeling like I'm the bad guy now. I feel like I overreacted to the situation and now I look irrational (especially after I told him I wasn't going to be speaking to him anymore on MSN and then DID 1 wk later). But I have cooled down since then. Somebody knock some sense into me :-(

[luvmyboys]

I wouldn't feel guilty. After all, this is just a computer friend, right? Sometimes people on the computer ask more from us than we are willing to give.

 

When I first got my computer, it was a blast conversing with so many others with the same interests, but over time it became a chore because I was being bombarded with emails and IM's and really cut short my time that I needed to do the computer work that I had sat down to do.

 

From my own previous post, I had a falling out with two online friends myself who just happened to live very near to me. If there's one thing I've learned, is to not get so involved with a budding computer relationship because when the main interest wains, so does the friendship.

 

I received some good advice in regards to my post and it's true, why should I care what they think?

 

From now on, I never give out my email addy or IM or city of location. But that's just me, others may really enjoy that sort of socialization, but I won't do it anymore.

 

Let yourself off the hook and move on; I am doing just that with my situation and am glad it's done and overwith now.