Ally Boo Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 I have a friend that I have gotten close to recently who has a problem with drinking...be it alcoholism or just abuse. He definately abuses alcohol. He is an incredible person when he's sober. A great person to hang out with and all around probably one of the greatest people I've ever met. However, sometimes when he drinks, he picks fights, says mean things to people he cares about, and is just all around very unplesant. He is going to AA bc he's had 3 DWI's and is in legal trouble. However, he doesn't think he's an alcoholic. He thinks he's just capable of doing stupid things when alcohol is involved...yet he doesn't want to be sober. He doesn't drink every day. Sometimes he'll go weeks without drinking. I am really confused about the workings of someone who abuses alcohol. I'm not sure how to handle it, or how to talk to him. But I know that when he starts picking a fight, I just try to keep my mouth shut and humor him. But I'm getting really sick of how he's acted the last few times we've drank together. Can anyone offer me any advice or knowledge about alcohol. I did go to an AA meeting with him to see what it was like, and it changed my perspective on life. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 there are support groups for spouses, families and friends of alcoholics, I think they're called Al-Anon. You might look in the yellow pages or even in the classified section of your local paper to see where they are held. Those would probably be your best bet for the information you need. The bad thing about a chemical dependency is that the person who has it doesn't necessarily see it as a problem, or worse, SUSPECTS that it might be a problem, but will tell themselves that because it is "theirs," no one else is affected. I've even heard someone say, "well, when things don't go right, it's all I've got." Which is pretty sad, thinking that there isn't any other solution they can choose in dealing with life. It's good that you're a concerned friend, but you're going to be walking a very fine line between sanity and insanity, Ally. Someone with that kind of dependency usually pulls the people around him/her into hell with them, and that can be rough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ally Boo Posted March 13, 2003 Author Share Posted March 13, 2003 He's helped me out in so many ways, and I know I can't help him unless he wants to BE helped. I'm just not sure if I should walk away from him and our friendship bc of the way he acts when he drinks or not. I've never been in this situation before, and I really don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted March 14, 2003 Share Posted March 14, 2003 There's a website called http://www.psychiatry24x7.com that really goes indepth regarding alcoholism and the symptoms or signs of it. It maybe good for you to read it yourself, and print a copy or read it to your friend. It doesn't sound like he has a dependency on alcohol, but then again I don't know the whole story so I can't say that he does or not. But I know what your going through. However, don't justify or make any excuses for his drinking. If he has a problem he needs to see clearly from you that it is a problem. If that means leaving him alone, that maybe what it takes. It's good that you know that there's nothing you can do unless he personally recognizes that he has a problem. The most you can do is encourage him to get help. The rest is up to him. Link to post Share on other sites
sheeba Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 Originally posted by Ally Boo He doesn't drink every day. Sometimes he'll go weeks without drinking. alcoholism isn't about HOW much you drink-its what happens because of it. when a person picks fights, gets mean, has no regard for safety when drinking-and they are DIFFERENT when sober-yes they have a problem. he is very lucky to have a friend like you to support him-but he needs to "do" this alll himself. i think the DWI's would have been his wake up call myself. and i don't mean to piss anyone off-but HOW can someone have THREE DWI's? all that says to me is that your friend has put his life-and the lifes of other responsible drivers-at risk THREE TIMES. maybe if his license was revoked-as it should be-he will seek real help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ally Boo Posted March 22, 2003 Author Share Posted March 22, 2003 I know what you mean. Its something only he can do. The thing is, I'm noticing that he's different around certain people. Last night, for example. We went to some friends' house we started drinking....he was cool....then we brought one of those friends back to our house....and drank there. Then some other people showed up....and the other person left....and he started acting up.....then they were going somewhere else, we went with them, and he was just obnoxious. Same people we were around when I wrote this post. He's great when its just us...or us and a few other people. Or maybe I'm just different. I've seen him act that way with another friend and she just blows it off and laughs with him. I guess I'm too serious and sensative or something. Link to post Share on other sites
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